To refuse to cancel going out for Xmas dinner in these circumstances?

Nta.
Tell them if they dont want to come, you understand, they just need to let you know by x date so you can be sure to adjust the booking.

Honestly OP, Christmas with family when they are like yours, is really not worth it.
I would tell them that its perhaps best they do their own thing.
I would include your CF mother too.

Is she on a low wage/ high rent? If so, half sister puts in what she can afford £40/50? The others chip in for the rest.

Is she expecting everyone to lose their deposits then?

Yes, it doesn't have to be mind bogglingly expensive, but it's the WORK involved.... effin cooking, prep, serving, getting dishes, cutlery, glasses, table laying, candles, crackers, starter, main, dessert, and of course the big jeffin clean up, and drinks, and rows, and flounces, and boring board games, and snoring.

Restaurant sounds idyllic. It's where we will be anyway, and worth every penny since there's no price on having it all done for you. It probably doesn't cost much more than a home job anyway when everything is taken into account.

I bet she hasn’t thought about that. But as she knew the price when booking, she can’t complain now.

may not in your world but it’s perfectly normal in mine. We don’t all get up at 3am to peel sprouts and put a turkey in the oven but this site would have you believe it’s universal. It’s not…shock horror some people don’t do what you do 🙄

If it’s the standard agreement then it stands and if she can’t afford it ( and tbh she knew from January this year it would be happening so could have saved a bit a month) then she can’t and doesn’t come and she has Christmas at hers with her and her family

that said when you go theirs do you put anything towards the cost of food and help with prep? If so then yes she is being unreasonable however if you don’t then I think perhaps you are as the year you go to your parents costs nothing

another option would be for you to say ok here’s what everyone will provide and she does the cooking at yours.

Wow. I cannot believe anyone couldn’t be on your side on this one OP. She is being entitled!! I’d tell her to fuck off

OP doesn’t want to host on Christmas day. Everyone agreed to the restaurant. Backing out now isn’t fair when the deal was done, costs were publicised etc. Why should the OP now cancel-presumably losing the deposit and have to host for 15? That’s mad.

I think £140 per head plus drinks and a tip is way more than a meal at home would cost.
I buy everything from M&S and the local butchers and spend £200 for Christmas lunch for 5 adults (we don’t drink).

Is she offering to chip in for your home cooking? Because if she isn't, that's even cheekier!

Well they are cheeky fuckers aren't they?
"You can cook or you can pay"!!! When you're already hosting and funding other meals.

I'd be saying "no I'm not cancelling. I'll understand if you want to do something else this year but I Am Not Cooking On Christmas Day and I'm not paying for anyone else to dine out except my own family. Up to you."

They can't make you!

Hope it gets resolved amicably op

If you ‘always go out for dinner,’ at Christmas, then this is no great surprise to anyone. Your half sister and mum are being wildly unreasonable and if they don’t want to go this year, they shouldn’t have agreed and paid the deposit!

I would be really pissed off and would message them all saying you’ll contact the restaurant and see if they can give the deposit back for half sister and mum if possible, but that it may not be. I would say you won’t be hosting on Christmas Day at yours and if they want to still come and see you, they can come on Boxing Day. I’d do a buffet!

When your half sister hosts Christmas, does she pay for everyone to eat at a restaurant or is it just you that’s the family cash cow?!

The vast majority of British people will eat something close to a traditional Christmas dinner on Christmas Day, and you know it 😆

If you can’t be arsed to cook, good for you, enjoy your takeaway. But pretending it’s normal is just daft.

OP has already said she’s putting everyone up and paying for all other deals so this isn’t going to be a cheap Christmas for her.

I don’t mind making Xmas lunch but last year we were at a hotel and it was such a chill day - if that’s what Op is used to and wants to do why should she change when the restaurant has already been agreed and a deposit paid?

maybe if half sister had said she would do all the work on Xmas day for the lunch it would be different but I’m guessing she’s used to other doing the work and paying for her

So, it's going to be about £400 for the four of them.
She has already paid £50. Can she pay another £150?

If so, surely you, your mum and sister can chip in another £70 each.

I know that's not ideal but will you really enjoy your dinner knowing that your half sister is being left out? She probably agreed to it, was excited and thought she would deal with the money later-something would turn up.

I think you will regret it in your heart if you don't and, rightly or wrongly, it will cause a rift...all for the sake of £70.

£140 per adult! Crikey.
Not saying I agree with how she's gone about it. She should have said so at the time of booking. But £140 is a shocking amount. We looked at going out and round here in the north west it's averaging sround £80 per adult.

I can understand that she can't afford it. But the answer to that is invite people to hers. NOT expect someone else to cook for her. It's a lots of prep, effort and expense to do a really good Christmas and the cleaning up isn't fun. No way should you be asking anyone else to do all that because you can no longer afford the prearranged plans.

Oof that’s not cheap. That’s minimum £300 for their family I’d guess.

I don’t think OP should have to pay it for them, but if the DS initially agreed it and OP has paid a deposit, I don’t think they should all have to lose their deposit.

Best case is either the DSis who can’t pay pulls out and has dinner separately, or the DSis cooks.

I don’t think OP should have to lose their deposit, plus not go for the lunch they all agreed, plus pay extra to buy and cook it all. Especially if they pay their way as well as pay for a hotel usually.

I think she is being unreasonable for backing out at the last minute. But £140 for adults and there are 15 people? I can think of lots of things I’d rather spend £1000 (+) on - could you not just order it all from M&S and share the load? Seems very wasteful to me!

No, definitely not. What a cheeky cow!

The Christmas thing is almost a red-herring - if someone invites you to any event, you say yes/no depending on what they've invited you to (i.e. whether you want to/can afford it). You don't say yes then demand they change the whole plan to suit you!

If it was one person then maybe in the spirit of christmas you could cover her, but 5 of them PLUS your mum and her partner - they're all taking the piss!

tbh OP I'd be tempted to say 'It seems the arrangements are getting too complicated this year, let's all just leave it and do christmas separately, maybe meet up some time between 27th and new year?"

On that note, we’re going for a curry for Christmas lunch. 3 courses plus welcome champagne for £49pp. I’d ditch the pricey lunch and do similar if the family is all agreeable.