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Original poster

To refuse to cancel going out for Xmas dinner in these circumstances?

457 replies

NothingDefinite · Yesterday 18:41

My family (mum and her partner, my sister and half sister and their families) are due to visit and stay with us for a few days over Xmas. We live about 150 miles from them so we alternate spending Christmas in the two places, although we always go out for Christmas dinner. My half sister doesn’t always join us but does sometimes and is this year.

We all agreed on the restaurant for Christmas Day a few months ago and I booked it. My half sister is now saying she can’t afford it and wants us to host Xmas dinner at home. We really don’t want to do that as we look forward to going out for it, not cooking and just relaxing.

I’ve suggested that she comes before or after Xmas for a day or two instead but she thinks that’s unfair and doesn’t see why we can’t just cook dinner at home. My mum is siding with her and it’s causing friction. Are we being unreasonable to not want to change our plans and not want to have to cook dinner ourselves when we were looking forward to going out?

OP posts:
AutumnOakTree · Yesterday 18:52

Plus you always go out for Christmas dinner. It’s not like it’s a new thing. She knows the routine.

i presume you’ve always paid for yourselves in the past, and not the host pays for all, so the ‘rules’ haven’t changed.,

Original poster
NothingDefinite · Yesterday 18:52

topoftheplops · Yesterday 18:48

Come on she’s family, can’t you all chip in to pay her share?

We are the only ones expected to by my mum and her partner as it’s our year.

She has a partner and 3 children. It would cost hundreds, so no, I’m not paying when she’s known it was coming and agreed.

OP posts:
AutumnLeavesAndRaindrops · Yesterday 18:52

NothingDefinite · Yesterday 18:48

My mum suggested that we, as in me and my husband, pay for half sister, her partner and children. She thinks we should as it’s ’our year’. That has never been the arrangement, we all pay for ourselves.

They already all stay with us and we pay for all other food and drinks when they’re here. When we go to them, we stay in a hotel at our expense.

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Absolutely not, that’s really cheeky of your mum and not just one meal but a few. If she can’t afford it she doesn’t come and can host her own family in her own home. I’d stick to my original plans, she knew you were going out and surely deposits have already been paid?

Bikenutz · Yesterday 18:53

What @AutumnLeavesAndRaindrops said

Pingsung · Yesterday 18:54

She should have said it would be too expensive months ago when you first booked it. You could then have discussed other options.
Its too late now. If it were just her maybe you could have offered to subsidise her. However now I see its her whole family then she needs to make other arrangements.

Isittimeformynapyet · Yesterday 18:54

NoteyMcNoteface · Yesterday 18:43

The only alternative is if everyone chips in both with money towards the food and drinks and brings a dish with them so you’re not lumbered with cooking everything. Or get a takeaway?

A takeaway?! 😄

GordanoServices · Yesterday 18:55

It’s very cheeky @NothingDefinite is this out of character or has she got form for this type of thing?

BluebellBeth · Yesterday 18:55

How much would it be for her and her family? Even the cheapest Xmas dinners can get costly when you're paying for a family and they'll have presents and travel costs to consider too.

It's not U you don't want to cook when you've all already agreed to go out. But if she genuinely can't afford it, it seems mean to leave them out.

can they cook at yours for everyone?

Whaleandsnail6 · Yesterday 18:55

Since she has partner and children, therefore won't be alone on Christmas day, I would not be chipping in to pay

You mum is unreasonable expecting others to foot the bill for her family

Its fine if she can't afford it... Christmas is an expensive time of year so she needs to accept that she stays home on actual Christmas day and visit another day.

sprigatito · Yesterday 18:58

What the hell is your mum playing at? If she wants the half-sister to have a free ride, she can bloody well cough up. She doesn’t get to volunteer you as the family mug. I would be furious with both of the shameless cheeky sods.

Happyjoe · Yesterday 18:59

Just tell her that you can't afford to cook it all. It's cheaper for you to pay for your share of the meal out? Prob does work that way. Bit cheeky for your mum to volunteer you to pay for their share...

What about everyone not buy gifts and just pay for their meals?

mondaytosunday · Yesterday 19:00

Gosh. Can your parents not pay for her?
Stand your ground. There’s a huge difference between hosting the dinner and going out (and who is going to pay for all the food)?
Frankly if it was my family we would cover someone short on money without a second thought.

Original poster
NothingDefinite · Yesterday 19:01

My mum thinks we should just host at home, but as we have refused, she thinks we should pay.

OP posts:
NoteyMcNoteface · Yesterday 19:01

Isittimeformynapyet · Yesterday 18:54

A takeaway?! 😄

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Yes, a takeaway. We’ve had Chinese takeout twice for Christmas dinner when our circumstances didn’t afford cooking a big dinner. It’s perfectly normal.

CraftySeal · Yesterday 19:01

If I was feeling nice, and she's had unexpected financial hardship, I might ask how much she CAN afford for the restaurant, and offer to help make up some of the difference in lieu of a gift, splitting the rest with your mum and other sister or something. But your mum's idea that you should pay for her whole family is crazy.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · Yesterday 19:02

NothingDefinite · Yesterday 18:48

My mum suggested that we, as in me and my husband, pay for half sister, her partner and children. She thinks we should as it’s ’our year’. That has never been the arrangement, we all pay for ourselves.

They already all stay with us and we pay for all other food and drinks when they’re here. When we go to them, we stay in a hotel at our expense.

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Your Mum suggested it. She can pay for it.
They have had months to save up. It may be more than an ordinary resturant meal.. but its not going out on a limb since they will be staying with you for the Christmas break.. and have no other food expenses that week.

Don't let them dictate to you..
You would now have to rush about changing plans and shopping and pay for the whole lot of them for the whole of the week.

Your Mum and Partner can host them for dinner and they can all join you afterwards surely.

Alsol I think your Mum should keep out of it.

Mackerelfillets · Yesterday 19:02

We have decided to go out this year because we were exhausted last year spending all morning chopping, cooking and hosting. Years gone by we've hosted up to 16-18 people and had tons of energy for games etc afterwards but as time had gone on hosting gets harder and doing out much more inviting. She is very very cheeky for asking this. There is absolutely no way I would do it. Have deposits been made? If mum's supporting her decision maybe she can pay for her. Doesn't mum realise how much hosting costs?

Happyjoe · Yesterday 19:03

NothingDefinite · Yesterday 19:01

My mum thinks we should just host at home, but as we have refused, she thinks we should pay.

But you already are - all the extras, both paying and hosting at home!

She always has the option not to come.

Shinyandnew1 · Yesterday 19:04

NothingDefinite · Yesterday 19:01

My mum thinks we should just host at home, but as we have refused, she thinks we should pay.

Your mum sounds hard work, as does your half sister. I’d be tempted to tell them all to piss off.

Jan24680 · Yesterday 19:05

lol. How entitled. I'd uninvite the lot of them

GeorgeMichaelsCat · Yesterday 19:05

Can she afford it or is she just pushing to be subsidised?

Favouritefruits · Yesterday 19:05

If she can’t afford it she can’t afford it 🤷🏻‍♀️ could you pay for her as her gift?

SockPlant · Yesterday 19:07

time for new traditions. I would be absolutely furious at sister and mum

YourOpalSeal · Yesterday 19:07

Can your mum treat her?

Original poster
NothingDefinite · Yesterday 19:07

Shinyandnew1 · Yesterday 19:04

Your mum sounds hard work, as does your half sister. I’d be tempted to tell them all to piss off.

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I’m close to it. Not my sister though, she is on my side and can’t believe the cheek.

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