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Original poster

To refuse to cancel going out for Xmas dinner in these circumstances?

457 replies

NothingDefinite · Yesterday 18:41

My family (mum and her partner, my sister and half sister and their families) are due to visit and stay with us for a few days over Xmas. We live about 150 miles from them so we alternate spending Christmas in the two places, although we always go out for Christmas dinner. My half sister doesn’t always join us but does sometimes and is this year.

We all agreed on the restaurant for Christmas Day a few months ago and I booked it. My half sister is now saying she can’t afford it and wants us to host Xmas dinner at home. We really don’t want to do that as we look forward to going out for it, not cooking and just relaxing.

I’ve suggested that she comes before or after Xmas for a day or two instead but she thinks that’s unfair and doesn’t see why we can’t just cook dinner at home. My mum is siding with her and it’s causing friction. Are we being unreasonable to not want to change our plans and not want to have to cook dinner ourselves when we were looking forward to going out?

OP posts:
gamerchick · Today 16:48

I think in your shoes I'd refund the 60 quid deposit and wish her a happy Christmas, hope you see her next time.. It's a small price to pay. Have the row. Or you'll be bristling with resentment all the way through their visit as they eat your food and drink and sleep in your house.

Just no.

MyLittleNest · Today 17:12

If it's your year, then why is everyone else making the rules? Maybe the best thing to do is to say that maybe this year should not be your year after all. Reset the schedule. Maybe a year off is even best given how things are going.

HisNibs · Today 17:16

I must admit in OPs position, regardless of what actually happens for Christmas dinner I would struggle with the idea of DM and DHalfSis still coming and enjoying my home and provisions on all of the other days having buggered up the original plans. For that reason alone, I think I would take a break this year, let them sort themselves out and just have (the non-troublesome) DSis and her family over.

Navyinblue · Today 17:32

Can you even cancel at this point. I assume you would lose the deposit at least so a good argument to go back to your family with?

SpainToday · Today 17:55

HisNibs · Today 17:16

I must admit in OPs position, regardless of what actually happens for Christmas dinner I would struggle with the idea of DM and DHalfSis still coming and enjoying my home and provisions on all of the other days having buggered up the original plans. For that reason alone, I think I would take a break this year, let them sort themselves out and just have (the non-troublesome) DSis and her family over.

Yes I agree

Shinyandnew1 · Today 17:58

HisNibs · Today 17:16

I must admit in OPs position, regardless of what actually happens for Christmas dinner I would struggle with the idea of DM and DHalfSis still coming and enjoying my home and provisions on all of the other days having buggered up the original plans. For that reason alone, I think I would take a break this year, let them sort themselves out and just have (the non-troublesome) DSis and her family over.

Absolutely! If they are screwing up plans that THEY agreed to, they don’t deserve to be told they can stay at your house to use your kitchen to cook/prepare whatever they fancy. How would you feel coming back from your lovely Christmas lunch to find piles of washing up, food all over the place and them half cut on your booze!

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 18:01

I agree with previous posters, both your half-sister and your mum are being CFs, expecting you to pay for 5 Christmas meals "because it's your year". Outrageous!

Half-sister doesn't always join your extended family on Christmas Day, so maybe she can revert to a Plan B.

Or she and her family can go to mum and partner's house, and they can cook and eat there.

Out of interest, when your visitors arrive for their festive stay, do they bring any supplies with them? Eg wine, champagne, dessert, cheeseboard, chocolates etc etc ... Do they pitch in and help with cooking, clearing away, washing up etc, or sit back and let you do everything?

What do you do/take when your mum hosts?

Anyone that does cancel will obviously lose their deposit- it's not up to you to refund them.

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