To refuse to cancel going out for Xmas dinner in these circumstances?

Well I never 😯

Did you not have to pay a fairly hefty deposit when you booked for that many people OP?

I wouldn't have thought it was refundable.

YANBU - you do not want to do this and that is more than enough reason not to!

Fair enough your half sister and family want to dip out of the meal out if they cannot afford it but to expect you to take on all the work and expense for something you do not even want to do…very cheeky! Especially when you are hosting multiple other meals. Are they normally this entitled? Your mum too 😮!

Stick to your guns otherwise that will be you cooking Xmas dinner for everyone every other year and resenting it…I would take this as a natural end of an era to the alternating idea unless you do really enjoy it.

It’s bizarre if their behaviour is out of character! I presume you know them all well!?

Have you paid a huge deposit?

Tell your mum she’s welcome to host your half sister and her family if she wants.

You are having lunch out this year as planned.

Indeed!! The audacity of them both is staggering. Are you generally seen as more affluent / a much higher earner than the rest do them?

Wow.. Just noticed your update that when you visit them, you have to pay to stay in a hotel.

Tell them to skip the dinner and they can come on Boxing Day (plus whatever is normal) when you will, as previously, wait hand and foot on them and pay for all their food and drinks.

She has had months to tell you she doesn't want to eat out for Christmas Dinner. Its booked, your family are looking forward to it and you would lose the deposits.

How much is the lunch pp? Is it very pricey?

Is there a deposit loss/cancellation fee for the place you had booked?

I think YANBU, as you’re hosting it’s going to be costing you loads to have them stay for all the other meals.

If the current venue is expensive the most I’d do is see if there’s cheaper places, but it’s likely too late to book elsewhere by now anyway.

Absolutely no way you should cover their whole family if you usually pay your way plus stay in a hotel.

I can kind of see both sides. When you first posted I thought your half sister was being ridiculous. However that was before I realised that we were talking about two adults and three children so that probably is a couple of hundred pounds in a restaurant on Christmas Day. If your half sister doesn't always join you for Christmas she may not have fully thought through the costs when the restaurant was first chosen a few months ago. I have sympathy with her but the solution is certainly not for you to now have to host everyone at your house instead on Christmas Day. From the sounds of things she is volunteering you to cook dinner for about 15 people? If your mum is so keen, why does she not host again this year, cook dinner for everybody and you can just switch years with her so you host next year?

You are definitely not being unreasonable. Go out for food and enjoy it. Or tell them you will stay in if your mother and half sister buy the food, cook it , do the prep and wash up afterwards. Bet she will soon find the money to go out.

I misread the OP and thought the sister was offering to host instead of paying to go out, which seemed reasonable to me... Bloody cheeky asking you to do it!

You are all missing the point of Christmas and being together as a family.

It’s sad that you are putting going to a restaurant first.

Switching years is a good idea, or the half sister having her own Christmas at home.

Suggest to your mum that she buys your sis, partner and kids their Xmas meal as their Xmas present.

Blimey I thinknit is time for the Hotel “@NothingDefinite“ to close its doors and leave them to it - staying at yours, eating your food
and drink and not contributing 😡

The thing is, hosting at home is massively expensive - hundreds of pounds by the time you've bought turkey, trimmings, crackers, puddings etc etc. So she's saying she can't afford it and expecting that the trade is either ££ eating out or free at yours. But the trade for you would be ££ eating out or £££ hosting plus the time prepping, shopping, clearing up!

Would the cost of them attending the meal equal the amount you would pay to them as a gift?

Hmmm totally different view, do you think it's easy for some of us who live pay day to pay day to come up with funds for a meal or treat days. Now I can save absolutely for our treats however should dh car suddenly need a new tyre tomorrow then that's part of the treat money gone. It's not exactly easy to say erm I can't afford it this time I'm sorry due to something unexpected happening. We don't all have spare money lying around and have to save for things so I could absolutely say right now yes we will come for Xmas lunch out and then tomorrow something goes on the car messing those nice plans

I don't think this is a fair solution, but it's one which ought to shut both your mum and your entitled half sister up. Why don't you suggest that she comes, with her kids and partner, and if she can't afford to come out to eat with the rest of you, she can have a takeaway on the strict basis that she tidies up after the bloody takeaway and you can hardly tell it's happened, when you return. It would be mega money grasping of her to refuse to pay for a takeaway for her own hangers on, but in extremis you could pay for it.......

As a chef who's produced many Christmas dinners for up to 100 people for under £200 I'm not understanding why so many people are saying it's more expensive than eating out.

There's been crazy inflation since I last did it, but restaurant costs have increased in the same way.

My costs didn't include extras like drinks or expensive cheeses, but I didn't scrimp on quality of produce.

This does not mean I think OP should host at home btw. I don't really have an opinion on that.

YANBU, this was arranged ages ago, and you always go out for christmas dinner. I'd just refuse to change plans and let your mum and half-sister and her family sort it out between them. Either your mum pays or they could all buy and cook their own dinner at your house while you're at the restaurant.

very cheeky. Don't cancel the lunch. She can either come or not, but to dictate to you like that is not on

But that's not the cheeky thing. The cheeky thing is then expecting someone else to host. If I couldn't afford the meal out I'd stay home and do my own thing... but for Christmas that would cost as much as eating out easily by the time turkey and everything else is all bought. So she's basically saying she wants the OP to pay for their food AND go to the effort of cooking and hosting. That's taking the p.

If there's been a significant financial reversal for them, like being made redundant or something, then I can get where they're coming from. But even so, if anyone was going to pay for them or host Xmas instead, I'd expect it to be your mum.