To refuse to cancel going out for Xmas dinner in these circumstances?

I agree with previous posters, both your half-sister and your mum are being CFs, expecting you to pay for 5 Christmas meals "because it's your year". Outrageous!

Half-sister doesn't always join your extended family on Christmas Day, so maybe she can revert to a Plan B.

Or she and her family can go to mum and partner's house, and they can cook and eat there.

Out of interest, when your visitors arrive for their festive stay, do they bring any supplies with them? Eg wine, champagne, dessert, cheeseboard, chocolates etc etc ... Do they pitch in and help with cooking, clearing away, washing up etc, or sit back and let you do everything?

What do you do/take when your mum hosts?

Anyone that does cancel will obviously lose their deposit- it's not up to you to refund them.

Absolutely! If they are screwing up plans that THEY agreed to, they don’t deserve to be told they can stay at your house to use your kitchen to cook/prepare whatever they fancy. How would you feel coming back from your lovely Christmas lunch to find piles of washing up, food all over the place and them half cut on your booze!

Yes I agree

Can you even cancel at this point. I assume you would lose the deposit at least so a good argument to go back to your family with?

I must admit in OPs position, regardless of what actually happens for Christmas dinner I would struggle with the idea of DM and DHalfSis still coming and enjoying my home and provisions on all of the other days having buggered up the original plans. For that reason alone, I think I would take a break this year, let them sort themselves out and just have (the non-troublesome) DSis and her family over.

If it's your year, then why is everyone else making the rules? Maybe the best thing to do is to say that maybe this year should not be your year after all. Reset the schedule. Maybe a year off is even best given how things are going.

I think in your shoes I'd refund the 60 quid deposit and wish her a happy Christmas, hope you see her next time.. It's a small price to pay. Have the row. Or you'll be bristling with resentment all the way through their visit as they eat your food and drink and sleep in your house.

Just no.

Sounds to me as you host them, you are doing too much already.

Clearly no appreciation of this.
No good deed and all that.

In your place I would be cancelling the whole bloody thing and enjoying a family Christmas with your children only.

Lovely and relaxed.
But I wouldn't dream of tolerating such entitled, presumptuous, nonsense.

That's what I'd do. You are not volunteering me to cook for 15, I am not giving up my planned treat, you are welcome to use my kitchen to cook whatever you like to whatever the budget is.

Absolutely cooking Xmas dinner for fifteen is not for the faint hearted.

Your mother is being totally ridiculous along with your half sister. If your half sister can’t afford it she doesn’t go and if your mum feels that badly about it she can pay.

There is no "just" about cooking Christmas dinner at home for a large crowd of house guests. It's a mammoth task.

If they are staying with you, could you suggest if they don't want to attend the meal out then they are welcome to cook for themselves (and clean up) whist you all go out?

That’s a particularly nasty and dishonest way of suggesting that the responsibility for any family friction is entirely OP’s if she doesn’t accede to outrageous demands made of her.

I’m angry on your behalf OP. I think your suggestion is fine. You aren’t changing the plans for suit them. If they don’t want to participate they can come to stay for a couple of days after Xmas.

If they don't want to go out for a meal then could they host at their home?

Very unreasonable of them to expect you to buy and cook Christmas dinner when you never offered to. It was always the plan that you would eat out and they agreed.

I wouldn't pay for them either but I think you are doomed now, no matter what. If step sis and mum aren't coming to the meal, do they expect you to buy everything for Xmas dinner, so they can make it at your home? If step sis cancels the visit altogether will your mum be ok or give you a hard time (or even cancel, too). I hope you have a nice Christmas and don't get bullied into this any further.

I think that's fair enough. As someone said earlier, sometimes one person challenges the plans and it causes an avalanche. There is no harm is sticking to Plan A,

I think I'd just say that you are going out for Christmas dinner as usual and you will understand if your half sister and mum and their partners etc want to stay home.

We’ve had this set since I come out 4/5 years ago so paid more for it cos it was the new set out! I still wouldn’t be paying for everyone else dinner!! How cheeky, if they can’t afford it they can’t come simple as that or your mum can cover them

Yep I can just feel that poster giving themselves a pat on the back for #beingkind

@NothingDefinitehow long do half sister/Sister B/CF extraordinaire usually come to stay at yours on this all inclusive basis? I’m afraid this would really dampen my notion to host them like this in the future.

Oh, as a lego fan, that is a beauty!.. and no one buys those lego sets unless they are loaded.. so can cofirm, OP is well off!

Actually that's not true, people will actually go into debt to buy lego so it proves nothing😜does he know about the lighting kit you can get that goes inside? I think it is aftermarket, not lego, but it looks amazing.

I think you do more than enough at Christmas as it is in fairness, without paying for extra family members on the most expensive day of the year, if they now can't afford it, which is fair enough, the solution really does need to come from them, not you.

Watch out for the Wet Bandits! 😉

Yes, it is this that sticks out for me. She can't afford a restaurant meal (which for four people on Christmas Day would be a hefty bill) but expects the OP to put in all the work of cooking for what sounds to be A LOT of people; and also carry all the expense of a Christmas Day meal that the OP thought would be shared.

So nobody gets to pay anything except the OP. This is a remarkably thoughtless suggestion.

And mum is OK with this? I smell a Golden Child here.

Personally, I wouldn't want to go out to eat on Christmas day but I also wouldn't want to cook for 15 people! My brother always goes out, he never comes to us because he likes going out to eat, so our parents go out with him one year and over to us the next.

I think all you can do is suggest something similar to your sister, that she does her own thing on Christmas day itself and you'll see her at some other point over the festive season.

I have to say I'm always really sad that my brother would rather go out to a restaurant with his friends than ever come and see us and his niece and nephew but I've accepted that we don't really have much of a relationship, and maybe that's the case with you and your sister as well that actually you don't really have a relationship and that's why you're not willing to compromise at all.

I think Christmas often brings these kinds of things to a head and perhaps you just need to think about what will happen going forward and come to an agreement that works for both of you over the Christmas period as a whole rather than focusing on Christmas day itself.