To refuse to cancel going out for Xmas dinner in these circumstances?

I’m guessing she’s used to other doing the work and paying for her

They've traditionally eaten out on OP's years and there's no record of the half-sister having been paid for previously. And as they've eaten out nobody was doing the work.

I know, there is a premium charged at Christmas though. I was making the point that no matter how inexpensive you can make it, the work involved is drudgery for the host no matter how organised you are. Some manage that to perfection, some don't and there is mild chaos. I'm in the latter category so I don't bother anymore, far too stressful all round. I did it for years when my late parents were alive. Not anymore.

Instead, we will very luckily be in Estepona Spain over Christmas. We go to a restaurant for Christmas Dinner, but don't have Christmas Dinner IYSWIM, it is mainly Italian and last year our Christmas evening out cost €140 for the two of us including generous tip, for a three course delight + wine and other drinks. I acknowledge that Christmas is not celebrated with the same frenzy there as here which is a blessing imv.

That’s perfectly fair. We take everyone out on Christmas Eve, adult children, their partners and DGC. It’s one of my favourite meals of the year and I am happy to pay for seafood, steaks and cocktails etc as our treat.

We have Christmas Day at home but adult DC help with the cooking and SIL does the dishes!

If OP and her family normally go out and they are all happy to pay £140 then it’s irrelevant if other posters think it’s expensive or wasteful

would people be answering differently if it was £10.50 a head?

They are being ridiculously unreasonable... you can't force someone to host.

However, I'd also perhaps contact the restaurant and make sure that nobody can cancel the booking without your permission as I've seen family arguments escalate before and the last thing you want happening is someone going behind your back and cancelling so you are forced into the situation they want.
The fact they think their request is reasonable is ringing alarm bells!

This is 15 people though. I don't think it's just about the cost but more the time and effort to actually cook and prepare the meal.

I think it's fair for the OP to have said they can stay but she doesn't want to cook dinner and that the option is this restaurant with these prices. At that point the other family members could have said thanks but no thanks, too expensive, and suggesting staying before or after Christmas day.
I wonder what contributions the family make when staying and for how long they go for?

Does half sister ever host?

If you normally exchange presents you could say your present to her will be to pay towards her meal. I'd be very disappointed to give up the restaurant booking.

The idea that you alone should pay for her, her partner and kid is wild.

I think it is reasonable to come up with some alternatives though. This is only going to get more expensive and out of reach as the children get bigger. If you cooking doesn't work for you then fine, but something like everyone else chipping in for them this year sounds like a sensible counter offer. Perhaps she can host and cook next year and you can all see how that feels.

Nobody can compel anyone to suddenly host and cook for several people for a meal when that was never the plan in the past, present or future.

If your mum or sister wishes to host then they can offer to do so. But they seem to think they can do nothing and force you to suddenly cook for them all. At whose expense?!

If you don't want to go to theirs (they're not offering by the looks of it) then stick with the restaurant. But they'll owe you the deposit for their seats and do they really want to cook dinner themselves? In order to dodge one person having to cough up for a pre-paid meal?

I'd say if it really is financial you and partner and kids could offer to all chip in towards sister's restaurant meal. Leaving her paying a reduced bill in lieu of Xmas presents?

But I'm sure that act of kindness will be thrown back in your face as an unsuitable solution too.

Your sister is bloody cheeky!

If you can’t afford to go out for dinner that’s fine just bow out gracefully and meet up afterwards, you can’t expect a whole group of people to change their plans!

If your mother thinks you are being unreasonable she can pay for her!

Maybe Notey is Chinese? 🤣

I do agree that for the indigenous population a Chinese takeaway for Christmas lunch is the complete opposite of normal 🙄

You are not being unreasonable at all. She either comes or doesn't. She could come on boxing day or Xmas day eve if she wanted to. Why should everyone else lose their deposit because of her. Is she going to reimburse you all!? As others have said grey rock it. We are still going out you are welcome to join us or come another day. Over and over again. If your mum keeps complaining tell her she can host at hers and cook!

Who the fuck gets up at 3am to peel sprouts

It wasn't supposed to be a particularly attractive suggestion, just a way of maximising the amount of time that entitled stupid half sister could socialise with the rest of the family if she seriously has such poor financial management that she is prepared to waste £50 deposit because she CBA to save up for a financial commitment.

And what's your suggestion? I'm a great fan of brainstorming - not so much of people who sit and rubbish suggestions without contributing.

If your half sister wants to have a home cooked meal instead of going to a restaurant, then she needs to host and cook the meal.

Nobody gets to demand that someone else cooks Xmas dinner for themselves and many other people. That's cheeky af.

Im sorry but your mum sounds exhausting.

I can’t be arsed with people like that.

Why should anyone chip in for her though? If they've had a particularly rough year financially like redundancy or something I could maybe see at a push why that might be a nice gesture but otherwise no way! Is OP loaded? Cos an extra £400 is a lot of money on top of what she's already paying herself. Why can't sister stay at home with her own family for one year and just visit on Boxing Day?

@NothingDefinite
If she can't afford it then why should you be the one to do all the cooking/shopping etc?
And no doubt she'll expect presents as well!
Do not cancel the lunch out and totally enjoy it!!

‘If I’d wanted to cook a meal for 15 on Christmas Day, I would have offered to do that, but I don’t. We are going to eat at X as we all planned.’

What are you planning to do/say@NothingDefinite?

Agreed. And bear in mind, your grabby mum and half sister are teaming up to pressure you to pay for everyone, but if you stand your ground, they will have to cook for themselves and pay for their own food at home or at your mum's. So don't back down and they'll realise they can't just get away with someone else cooking their meal for free.

Christ I’d tell the lot of them to fuck off. And next year I’d be doing my own thing, not paying for hotels near where they live.

your mother is as bad.

Does your sister ever host you and your family or does she just take from you op? It seems unlikely that bothher and partner have suddenly fallen on hard times if she has always paid to go out for Christmas meal every other yearso it is not a surprise expense. Is it time to redesign your Christmas tradition to be more what is right for you and your close family? Your mum doesn’t sound very peacemaking. Whydoesn’t she offer to host instead or pay if she feels so strongly about half sister.

It seems like the family dynamics are unhealthy - are you considered wealthier? Is there some envy? Is half sister the baby of the family and your mum still treats her that way?

Pay for my meal or cook my meal!

She's bloody cheeky.

I'd suggest they pay half (200) and then the rest of you split the rest of the cost as their Christmas gift.