Drink & visiting

That’s very weird behaviour. What about the food you take with you. Did you ask him why they don’t heat it up for them / you? I mean if the issue is financial then surely you providing food for a family meal answers that, doesnt it?

@Shesastar76

What am I reading?! It gets worse with each update.

They lived with you while they saved their deposit, you travel all that way, pay for accommodation, and they can’t even offer you a glass of water and some of their food?! 1 more mouth, I mean, come on, they don’t have to have steak when you’re there!

OP, I fear you may have neglected some skills when parenting your son. Were you always running around after him by any chance? I’m sorry to say, he sounds selfish and entitled.

That is such a shame.

No, I wouldn’t be visiting again anytime soon either! Fuck that!!

Oh I'm so sorry. They eat in front of you ?! So rude.

Bloody hell, this just gets worse.

Ungrateful idiots. Happy enough to live with you so they could save, and now, they can’t even include you in family dinners (or even make you a cup of tea!!) when you travel to visit them.

It’s really awful when they turn out to be such a disappointment in the most basic of things.

@Shesastar76

I also think you need to be honest with them as to why you’re cutting back on your efforts too.

He’s selfish, lazy, and mean! Meanness is a really horrible personality trait. Normally when off spring become parents, she have a new, more appreciative, insight into what their parents did for them.

DiL doesn’t sound much better. The poor gc…. What are they role modelling.

They’re mean, thoughtless, and frankly a disappointment.

Oh you poor thing, I'm crying for you. In addition to everything that you're going to be doing going forward, I would draw from this thread and compose a long letter to your son to let him know that the way he is treating you is horrible. And that you don't deserve to be treated this way. You have done nothing but love him and sacrifice for him. I would also let him know that you are open to reconciliation, but if he and his wife are not going to treat you with kindness, that you will not be there for him either.
I'm just so angry on your behalf. Where's his father? Does he see him at all and does he treat him the same way as you?

Are they sitting round the table eating a cooked dinner?

Petty?

You are not being petty at all.

This has nothing to do with his partner coming first. They are both treating you appallingly.

I hope they realise that their children are learning that this is how you treat your parents and they will treat them the same way one day.

Di you know how they treat her parents at all?

He seems oblivious to my upset & just stated i shouldn't be so petty, & his partner will always come 1st,

It's not about anyone coming first though, just about being fed when you visit!

If it was such a problem why wouldn't they talk about it properly & ask you to eat elswhere?

This is one of the most bizarre things I’ve read - you go to your DS and DIL and they eat and drink but don’t offer you anything. That’s beyond rude - it’s outright bonkers. Especially as they used to live with you so your DIL must know you well. I’d decrease the visits. I’d also think carefully about what to put in my will. It’s unacceptable even if you turned up unannounced which you are not doing.

I don't think that's quite the same as the woman had a newborn and had recently given birth. It's not right to expect women who've just given birth to cater to you with food and drinks, you could easily have stopped in a cafe or brought drinks and food with you.

He seems oblivious to my upset & just stated i shouldn't be so petty

He thinks you are being petty!

What an embarrassment of a human being!

I am so sad on your behalf. He is a self centered, selfish and socially inadequate disgrace.

I would just leave them to stew. Just send presents for the grandchildren.

Glad you have found this thread helpful. Really glad you have found your boundary.

You’re the petty one? He thinks this is about being jealous of his partner? So, not about basic family, human, decency then?

Wow.

Sorry to hear about your husband. Glad he is in support.

Honestly, this makes your son’s behaviour even worse. The sacrifice you make is that bit bigger as you’re leaving him to go and visit, all that way. Also, it’s a reminder that parents aren’t around forever, so appreciate them while you can.

Absolutely - focus on your own life and those who DO appreciate you.

I’d be seriously be considering your Will/s too. Mean son doesn’t deserve anything!!

his partner will always come 1st
It's a bloody cup of tea or sn extra plate of pasta or evena slice of toast. They lived with you so they could get on their feet and they begrudge you the offer of a glass of water. This isn't about anyone coming first... its not like he's taking a teabag away from her 😂 I'm so sorry that your son has ended up a selfish man with a selfish partner.

I made our cleaner a cup of coffee last week because its just a normal thing to ask when someone comes in the door, and my own husband lined up 6 cups to do various teas and coffees when extended family came to visit during the week. It's really not a hardship. We also regularly feed my stepsons friends if they are here at dinner time we just make it work.

This is one of the most bizarre things I’ve read

It really is isn't it?

"Let's pretend that Mum isn't here".

You must be devastated Op.

Oh come - a cup of tea?!

It's very weird of your son to think of this in terms of his partner coming first. When they come to your house and you give them drinks and meals, does he think this is his father forcing you to come second, or vice versa? Or does he accept that this is just what people do normally when they have guests?

If he thinks that expecting her to make tea for you is putting her second, maybe he could do it himself?

The previous poster wanted food and drinks for her and her children, thats too much to expect from a woman who's just given birth/potentially had surgery. I made drinks for people after I'd had a baby but I wasn't running around making food for them.

Let's not derail the thread, I always make drinks for my in laws but I don't expect anything from newly postpartum women.

This awful lady visited a post partum woman and complained that she wasn’t waited on😳. Most people, especially family, would have arrived with something to eat ( cake, biscuits, juice for the kids) and would say let me put the kettle on.

If her brother in law is anything like her it’s no wonder he got divorced! What an unkind, ungracious guest.

He is an absolute disgrace of a man. Ick

CAN YOU READ!
Go back and read all of ops posts.