Drink & visiting

Do they actually all sit and eat in front of of you eating @Shesastar76 and not offer you anything ?
Utterly bizarre.
If there never is any milk in the house what do the children drink ?
Are they vegan ?
Are the children’s calcium needs being met ?

Disgustingly rude of them. I wouldn’t bother visiting tbh. Spend the money you save on something nice for yourself. Fuck them.

Don’t ask next time!Tell them you’ll be round before dinner and would like to eat with them. If they say ok, problem solved. If they say no at least you have an “in” to ask why/ offer to help. Just make it really hard for them to say no!

This is as mental as the OP

@Uniqueusername3

not everyone goes around clutching a Stanley cup everywhere they go. Most adults will drink from a glass rather than a bottle especially at home, Offer your guests water, ffs.

@TheBlurMentor

so incredibly inhospitable and rigid of you both.

How incredibly rude!

tea or coffee and a biscuit as you walk in the door and you sit and eat with everyone

id be saying “no I won’t be visiting as you clearly don’t want me “ because that’s exactly the message I am getting

Do you struggle socially?

so the first time someone visits your home you expect them to go into your kitchen an made themselves a drink.

That is incredibly odd. Do you have children and do they struggle with their social skills?

That’s extremely rude of her. Is your son around?
I’m not very confrontational usually but even I would say can I make myself a cuppa in this situation, or just get on and do it if no response.
Also take yourself a lunchbox and get that out when they eat, even join them at the table, may shame them in to realising they’re being rude

Just the woman, what about the man, who is her son?

Absolutely! I’ve honestly never heard anything so crazy.

Do you dislike each others families @TheBlurMentor ?

I just cannot see why on earth you would do this! Truly bizarre.

You need to explain this. Do you mean that no one who visits gets offered a drink. Or do you mean you’ll make drinks for your family but not his and vice versa?
If the latter, are there any occasions when you and you MIL are in the house without your husband / husband and your mum / dad etc are there without you. In that instance, would no one be offered a drink?
Do you offer friends that visit a drink / water / tea etc?

I’d love to know where you draw the line as well @TheBlurMentor

Is it just for family, or if dh has booked a tradesperson, do you not offer them a drink because you didn’t book them?

Well we don’t know if this is actually the case as the OP has ignored every single question asking her to clarify.
So I suspect it’s not quite as dramatic as she made out and also that there’s a backstory that she’s chosen not to share.

To answer people's questions.
I make drinks for my family
Partner makes drinks for their family
I'm never in the house with my in laws alone and vice versa.
It all started because my MIL would invite herself over for a weekend to stay the night and I didnt see why I should have to cook (i enjoy cooking and so cook evening meals as i meal plan) and make the drinks and take the plates out after dinner and the cup out after she finished her drink because it always got left on the side/floor. I also grew up in a household that if you went to immediate families houses so parents, siblings, children's when grown that you just helped yourself, whereas my MIL wouldnt help herself annoyingly so the rule came in as a compromise of how we both grew up.

Friends are different as were quite introvert and the friends we do have over usually get offered by the one theyve come to see and either say no or they bring their own drinks with them, and we take our own drinks places with us.

I think this is an interesting example of changing societies, habits and customs.
As most women work outside the home as much as men, they are no longer willing to carry the social burden of providing food and drink in the way older generations were accustomed.
They don't have the time or energy to do so nor should they have to.

Everybody fending for themselves is becoming more common. This is surprising and confounding to people who grew up with different norms.
I have family in three different countries and have noticed this happening in all of them.

so you enjoy cooking, but rather than just tell your partner to clear the plates when you’ve cooked, you’ve created a rule that results in you not cooking? And you have no mutual friends? Different strokes for different folks, but what an unusual way to live.

I absolutely agree that some people expect this exclusively from women and not men. I can see this in my parents, and it’s how I was raised.

however, I still think that both men and women should offer guests a drink. Maybe not immediate family who are comfortable in the home and can help themselves, but proper guests.

as a society both boys and girls should be raised with an understanding of basic manners. Where some generations went wrong was expecting this exclusively from women.

As most women work outside the home as much as men, they are no longer willing to carry the social burden of providing food and drink in the way older generations were accustomed.

Although in this case both seem to think it's fine to prepare a meal & sit & eat it in front of someone who is visiting.

I think years ago a lot of people lived nearby so needing to stay over to visit was less usual, perhaps as was people being there at mealtimes unless specifically invited.

If as a kid I had friends at mine or was at a friends, a meal being prepared meant that it was time to go!

Goodness there are some socially inept unaware people on this thread.

Being introvert has nothing to do with showing hospitality. DH is an introvert but he knows how to look after guests.

I don’t get it either.

It’s just being polite. If you are so much of an introvert that you can’t offer tea, then maybe tell family that you would rather not have them come round as you don’t like spending time in the company of others.

That's a shame op. It doesn't explain why they didn't serve up and share the meals you brought with you. They sound, peculiar and rude.

I am beyond appalled at your son’s behaviour. I just don’t know where you go from here. It’s borderline cruel treatment of his mum. I am
sorry x

Anyone justifying this behaviour is either being tediously combative to an OP, or has zero social skills.