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AIBU?

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Original poster

Argument with DH over a bath

165 replies

Bells2323 · 29/12/2023 12:27

Just had a screaming match with my DH and I want to know if I am being unreasonable or not.

I had a bath in the morning around 11. He was in the bedroom as I having a shower.
At 12 I went into the bath again, and he asked again if I was having a bath. I didn’t answer, he asked again and I didn’t answer because he should have know that I wasn’t having a bath as I had one in the morning.

When I came into the bedroom, he started shouting at me for not answering and I started shouting at him for asking, what I think is a stupid question. He said he didn’t remember; I think he didn’t remember but was asking just to annoy me.
He went downstairs, muttering to himself about me.

OP posts:
Jf20 · 29/12/2023 13:15

I had a bath in the morning around 11. He was in the bedroom as I having a shower. At 12 I went into the bath again, and he asked again if I was having a bath

the most confusing thing to write ever.

AhBiscuits · 29/12/2023 13:15

Ya obviously being massively U.
Who just ignores questions they think are obvious? Ridiculous.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 29/12/2023 13:15

It’s not an argument over a bath. It’s an argument because when he asked you a question you completely ignored him.

JPMJuliz · 29/12/2023 13:15

Sorry OP, but you’re either nuts or have been on the wine already 🫠

wronginalltherightways · 29/12/2023 13:16

Do you even like him? Because YABU

BertieBotts · 29/12/2023 13:16

I think some people are being overly harsh towards OP but it is an odd scenario. Is this kind of thing a common occurrence? It doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship if so.

I do think most people would expect to receive an answer to a question, even if the question was one they should probably know the answer to. He might have asked the question specifically because he found it surprising that you seemed to be taking a second bath.

That makes me wonder why not answer - is he often trying to wind you up on an excuse to shout at you which is why you were not rising to it?

Or is it more of a communication style mismatch? (For some reason, refusing to answer because the questioner must already know the answer due to logic strikes me as an autistic type thought process, but I could be totally off the mark there.)

Jf20 · 29/12/2023 13:16

Bells2323 · 29/12/2023 12:38

Sorry, I had a shower at 11am. At 12, I went into the bathroom again, DH asked if I was having a bath/ shower or not. I didn’t answer because he knew I had a shower at 11am, so why ask me if I am having another shower when I am obviously not.

Show quote history

So,you never even had one bath? Is maybe English not your first language, as it is hard to comprehend but to be honest even harder to comprehend why you’d be so utterly rude as not to answer a simple question.

Sera1989 · 29/12/2023 13:16

Bluevelvetsofa · 29/12/2023 13:13

Utterly unnecessary. Someone asks a seemingly reasonable question and someone decides not to reply, which is irritating I’m sure and it turns into WW3. Crazy.

This. You both sound a bit toxic. I can imagine the tone that your DH asked the question in. Yes YABU but your DH is BU too. What will you do with this information?

GalileoHumpkins · 29/12/2023 13:17

Me trying to work out the OP.

Confused Schitts Creek GIF by CBC
CatamaranViper · 29/12/2023 13:18

OP do you use 'bath' and 'shower' interchangeably?

DemelzaandRoss · 29/12/2023 13:18

Is this a joke?
Of course you’re being unreasonable.
Maybe you’re hormonal or stressed?
Common politeness & manners don’t have to go out of the window even so.
Apologise & move on.

Jf20 · 29/12/2023 13:18

Sera1989 · 29/12/2023 13:16

This. You both sound a bit toxic. I can imagine the tone that your DH asked the question in. Yes YABU but your DH is BU too. What will you do with this information?

Show quote history

Dunno I’m not toxic by a long stretch but I’d be furious if my husband ignored me as he felt it was a stupid question . And was shouting at me for asking a stupid question.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 29/12/2023 13:19

How rude of you. It obviously wasn't a stupid question to your husband and it would have taken a few seconds to answer him. This is the sort of shit my dh does and its very hurtful to be on the receiving end of such disdain. You owe him an apology

ItsMyPartyParty · 29/12/2023 13:19

Is this a fairly normal scenario for you? Because you both sound unreasonable here, I’ve no idea how you ended up in a screaming match.

OakTree16 · 29/12/2023 13:20

This is so odd

CatamaranViper · 29/12/2023 13:20

Oh and on the asking stupid questions thing, DH does that!

I'll be chopping up veg and he'll ask if I'm making dinner. Or I'll pick up the car keys and he'll ask if I'm taking the car.
It's frustrating and now DS does the same thing. I usually respond by gesturing to whatever I'm doing or (if we're both in playful moods) respond sarcastically and laugh about it. But it does get annoying

GreyBlackLove · 29/12/2023 13:21

I think you've been unreasonable and rude. He shouldn't have started shouting either.

Neither of you are behaving well but ultimately you "started" this argument and it could have easily been avoided by acknowledging your husband.

Where you know someone is trying to ask you something and you don't even acknowledge them, that's disrespectful and rude.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 29/12/2023 13:21

MolkosTeenageAngst · 29/12/2023 13:15

It’s not an argument over a bath. It’s an argument because when he asked you a question you completely ignored him.

Oh and this 100 percent too because this is exactly what my dh would say "All this fuss over a bath" when it's not about the fucking bath but your astounding rudeness

Jf20 · 29/12/2023 13:21

CatamaranViper · 29/12/2023 13:18

OP do you use 'bath' and 'shower' interchangeably?

Yes I suspect the op doesn’t speak English as a first language , so hats off to her, I only speak one language. But I think she calls the bathroom the bath and also then uses bath and shower interchangeably for the act. Which has caused the confusion. As she also says at 12 she went into the bath again, and I assume she means bathroom.

Theunamedcat · 29/12/2023 13:22

I fucking HATE IT when I go to the bathroom and people start asking me questions I mean there is a time and a place this is not it

Scrantonicity2 · 29/12/2023 13:22

Occasionally I ask my DH a question and he decides what I really want to know is something slightly different, so replies to that question instead, but I did actually want to know what I originally asked, so his answer doesn't help, so I have to ask again. It is really rude, imo, to deliberately not answer a question you were asked - it's assuming you know better than the other person what they wanted to know - that they couldn't possibly be asking for a legitimate reason or have thought about the words they use!

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 29/12/2023 13:23

It must be nice to have literally nothing to worry about other than whether your OH has noticed you went in the shower.

mumda · 29/12/2023 13:23

The correct thing to do would be to shout as loudly as you can "No I'm having a shit"

Perhaps.

I think I'm in a mood because Agent Million didn't call.

Sera1989 · 29/12/2023 13:24

Jf20 · 29/12/2023 13:18

Dunno I’m not toxic by a long stretch but I’d be furious if my husband ignored me as he felt it was a stupid question . And was shouting at me for asking a stupid question.

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Oh yes, me too! But I wouldn't either start the shouting or shout back, I would question why our fuses are so short

Missingmyusername · 29/12/2023 13:24

Pinkyponker · 29/12/2023 12:35

Struggling to understand the post... According to what you've written you did go in the bath twice in an hour and had a shower in between...?

^ This

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