Argument with DH over a bath

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 29/12/2023 16:01

Bells2323 · 29/12/2023 13:59

Had a shower in the morning and the went into the bathroom an hour later. DH asked if I was having a shower, I didn’t reply because he should have know I had a shower earlier in the morning.
The Lack of attention just made me upset, and I thought “if he can’t be bothered to remember / pay attention then I won’t answer him.”

Putting the childishness aside for a second...

Has it occurred to you that he HAD noticed you'd already had a shower, and was therefore confused as to why you were going for a second one, hence him asking?

Childishness back in play now....grow up and communicate like normal, functioning adults. Are you having a bath? No dear, just need the loo, did you need to be in here?. Much better than ignoring and then him being pissed off at being ignored and so shouting and then you shouting that he should know exactly what your intentions are when you enter any room.

369damnshesfine · 29/12/2023 15:55

VainAbigail · 29/12/2023 15:50

The Lack of attention just made me upset

If only you had paid attention to your details when writing your op and replies, no one here would be so confused.

😁😁

VainAbigail · 29/12/2023 15:50

The Lack of attention just made me upset

If only you had paid attention to your details when writing your op and replies, no one here would be so confused.

mumsytoon · 29/12/2023 14:57

Lack of attention? How ridiculous!

VoiceOfCommonSense · 29/12/2023 14:42

Yeah sounds ignorant and petty on your part. You should have just answered him FFS

Nanny0gg · 29/12/2023 14:24

Bells2323 · 29/12/2023 13:59

Had a shower in the morning and the went into the bathroom an hour later. DH asked if I was having a shower, I didn’t reply because he should have know I had a shower earlier in the morning.
The Lack of attention just made me upset, and I thought “if he can’t be bothered to remember / pay attention then I won’t answer him.”

Really?

I think there needs to be some growing up done here

Or are you always ignored?

deflatedbirthday · 29/12/2023 14:24

Good grief. You'd not survive a nanosecond in our house! I can't remember my own name half the time let alone whether DH had a shower at some point that day. I must not love him enough...

Fannyfiggs · 29/12/2023 14:22

HelenHerriott · 29/12/2023 12:36

So you had a bath at 11 then you went into the shower then you went back into the bath at 12?

he should have know that I wasn’t having a bath as I had one in the morning

I’m confused. Can someone explain ?

This reminds me of the t-rexing thread 😂

Edited

This reminds me of the t-rexing thread

Haha totally. I love that thread, and completely understood it (like I did this one). I don't know what that says about me 😂

369damnshesfine · 29/12/2023 14:20

Bloody hell your update is even worse.

You are actually coming across as an abusive partner.

There are not many men I feel sorry for on MN but I feel very sorry for your DP and he needs to get out of this relationship as fast as he can.

CarrotCake01 · 29/12/2023 14:20

Y'all have problems OP... 🤦🏼‍♀️

GalileoHumpkins · 29/12/2023 14:19

Bells2323 · 29/12/2023 13:59

Had a shower in the morning and the went into the bathroom an hour later. DH asked if I was having a shower, I didn’t reply because he should have know I had a shower earlier in the morning.
The Lack of attention just made me upset, and I thought “if he can’t be bothered to remember / pay attention then I won’t answer him.”

There has to be way more to this because being upset that he didn't remember that you had a shower is beyond pathetic.

IncompleteSenten · 29/12/2023 14:19

Bells2323 · 29/12/2023 13:59

Had a shower in the morning and the went into the bathroom an hour later. DH asked if I was having a shower, I didn’t reply because he should have know I had a shower earlier in the morning.
The Lack of attention just made me upset, and I thought “if he can’t be bothered to remember / pay attention then I won’t answer him.”

Ok. On the face of it that is exceptionally childish of you.
Is this one of those situations where the thing you're saying you're mad about isn't actually what's really making you angry?
What's really going on?

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 29/12/2023 14:17

Bells2323 · 29/12/2023 13:59

Had a shower in the morning and the went into the bathroom an hour later. DH asked if I was having a shower, I didn’t reply because he should have know I had a shower earlier in the morning.
The Lack of attention just made me upset, and I thought “if he can’t be bothered to remember / pay attention then I won’t answer him.”

Right, now you really do sound ridiculous! Lack of attention?!? Should he be monitoring your every move so he knows exactly what you did all day? I genuinely couldn’t give a shit if my DH noticed if I have had a shower. I might laugh at his dopeyness if he forgot I’d had one when he was in the next room at the time or I had already mentioned it but that would be it. This is really not worth your rudeness by ignoring him which led to the argument.

DoesMaryNotDrive · 29/12/2023 14:14

Bells2323 · 29/12/2023 13:59

Had a shower in the morning and the went into the bathroom an hour later. DH asked if I was having a shower, I didn’t reply because he should have know I had a shower earlier in the morning.
The Lack of attention just made me upset, and I thought “if he can’t be bothered to remember / pay attention then I won’t answer him.”

I think this is the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Do you generally feel unseen and unnoticed by him?

When I come out if the shower DH often loves to smell me and kiss me, and I do the same to him. Men are the most attractive when they come out of the shower fresh and clean and slightly damp with maybe a dab of cologne.

GreyBlackLove · 29/12/2023 14:07

The Lack of attention just made me upset, and I thought “if he can’t be bothered to remember / pay attention then I won’t answer him.”

You expect him to track your hygiene routines? Honest to God this isn't a normal response.

If someone asks you what you deem to be inane or stupid questions, especially on a frequent basis, by all means have a conversation about it. Tell them how much it frustrates you, why and what you want. To ignore a person because you decided what they said or asked isn't worth answering is toxic and rude.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 29/12/2023 14:06

NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/12/2023 13:46

Relatively normal conversations here:

He hears the shower running in the brief periods where he doesn't have headphones on and is paying attention to something other than his computer, phone or guitars

Two hours later, he notices the water is running 'Are you having a bath?'

Answer 1: The cat's had a litterbox accident.
'Oh, yuck, I'll get some towels - do I need to get the carpet cleaner out whilst you deal with her?'.

Answer 2: Yes, I was doing the plants earlier.
'Do you want a cup of tea brought up?'.

Answer 3: I had a shower earlier.
'Oh, right, I thought you were just doing your hair. Shall I do lunch for when you come out?'

Answer 4: Already had one.
'Oh, right, I didn't notice. Tea?'

Answer 5: Yep (with face like thunder)
'Do you need snacks and sympathy when you come out?'.

But I suppose that's what happens when you aren't already in a dysfunctional relationship heading for divorce.

I want your relationship. It sounds lovely

Devonshiregal · 29/12/2023 14:05

Bells2323 · 29/12/2023 13:59

Had a shower in the morning and the went into the bathroom an hour later. DH asked if I was having a shower, I didn’t reply because he should have know I had a shower earlier in the morning.
The Lack of attention just made me upset, and I thought “if he can’t be bothered to remember / pay attention then I won’t answer him.”

Oh good lord.

exttf · 29/12/2023 14:00

Bells2323 · 29/12/2023 13:59

Had a shower in the morning and the went into the bathroom an hour later. DH asked if I was having a shower, I didn’t reply because he should have know I had a shower earlier in the morning.
The Lack of attention just made me upset, and I thought “if he can’t be bothered to remember / pay attention then I won’t answer him.”

It's ridiculous. Why are you expecting him to remember whether you had a shower or not?

What else is going on? This is a complete overreaction to something trivial. What's the backstory? What else has he forgotten which has pissed you off?

Cantbebotheredwithausername · 29/12/2023 14:00

OP, kindly, I think you were both unreasonable, but it seems to me that something else must've preceded this situation? It might be worth it to get some outside help to work on your communication if something this minor tends to escalate this badly. If this is a one-off, I feel like asking if the two of your are under any other kind of pressure? Exploding into a screaming match because one person asks another if they're about to take a bath is not healthy. It seems to suggest that either the communication in your marriage has broken down completely, or one or both of you are extremely stressed out a d therefore reacting badly to a very minor miscommunication.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 29/12/2023 14:00

mumda · 29/12/2023 13:23

The correct thing to do would be to shout as loudly as you can "No I'm having a shit"

Perhaps.

I think I'm in a mood because Agent Million didn't call.

Wait what??? Isn't Agent Million day nye? And even if it is today they don't tend to come until afternoon/ early evening I think. Though of course they are coming to me anyway I hope!?

Original poster

Bells2323 · 29/12/2023 13:59

Had a shower in the morning and the went into the bathroom an hour later. DH asked if I was having a shower, I didn’t reply because he should have know I had a shower earlier in the morning.
The Lack of attention just made me upset, and I thought “if he can’t be bothered to remember / pay attention then I won’t answer him.”

OP posts:

Crumpleton · 29/12/2023 13:57

Shf · 29/12/2023 12:35

Eh? How many times did you wash today?

The day isn't over yet...there could be many more washes before it is.

exttf · 29/12/2023 13:56

I had a bath in the morning around 11. He was in the bedroom as I having a shower
At 12 I went into the bath again, and he asked again if I was having a bath. I didn’t answer, he asked again and I didn’t answer because he should have know that I wasn’t having a bath as I had one in the morning

Your OP made no sense whatsoever. I see in a later post you said you had a shower at 11. Why use shower/bath interchangeably and then add to the confusion by saying bath when you mean bathroom.
I don't normally like to pick people up on the way they write as there can be lots of reasons for posts not being clearly written but in this case, if this is the typical standard of your communication, it is little wonder that arguments arise.

I think you were being ridiculous quite frankly. Why not just say "No, I had my shower earlier". What is the point of all this pettiness "He should have known that I wasn't having a bath/shower as I had on in the morning"? Do partners really keep track of each other's personal habits/hygiene routines like this?

MonsteraMama · 29/12/2023 13:54

Thank you OP. Posts like this always remind me how fortunate I am to be in a loving, happy marriage, instead of whatever the fuck this mess is.

stepintochristmas1 · 29/12/2023 13:54

LucyInTheParkWithDragons · 29/12/2023 12:34

Yes this!

I think you all need to get out of the house for a bit.

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Sometimes when my family appears nuts , someone like this comes along 🤣.