Throwing my 16 year old out?

user701 · 28/12/2023 22:23

Yes. He’s 16. He’s a child. They do stupid things

MajesticWhine · 28/12/2023 22:24

Where does he get his money from for drugs. Is he dealing?

Tilllly · 28/12/2023 22:24

You have to protect all your children

All of them

He's 16 for goodness sake, where do you expect him to go?

Pleasealexa · 28/12/2023 22:24

Consider that he has been groomed and needs support to get away from drug dealing.

Can you seek advice from drug counsellors?

PiggieWig · 28/12/2023 22:25

You can’t just throw him out on the street. If you think there’s a safeguarding risk to your younger DCs you need to call SS and have a care plan put into place for him, making it clear he can’t stay with you. Likely supported accommodation at his age.

Original poster

MumSkull83 · 28/12/2023 22:25

He works

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trippily · 28/12/2023 22:26

He needs support and therapy. What drug is it? That will make a difference to how you can support him.

trickyex · 28/12/2023 22:27

Of course YABU, he is 16, still a child.
Please get some family help and support for you all and for your DS.

Original poster

MumSkull83 · 28/12/2023 22:28

He is staying with his girlfriend at the moment. I have asked him to leave as he has had drugs in my home. He has had jobs and lost some due to possession. This is not a one off and has been consistent for 2 years. I have approached several professionals including GP and SS, neither of whom have been able to provide any support.

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happyinherts · 28/12/2023 22:28

I get where you're coming from, I've been in your shoes. Things will get worse, believe me, and you'll regret it.

He needs harsh love. Let him know you're there for him, but there will be rules in place.

Please, please don't throw him out. He's 16. No one will ever love him as much as his family. Just help him.

manipulatrice · 28/12/2023 22:29

If you kick him out, where is he going? It won't solve the problem it will just transfer it elsewhere.

You need to find out the source of his drugs, and begin to cut off his means. Appreciate you can't stop him working as such.

Also, how did it start? And what is he taking?

hobbitonthehill · 28/12/2023 22:29

You consider all your kids not just 2 , he's 16 and the product of your parenting so get him some bloody help ffs

Blessedbethefruitz · 28/12/2023 22:29

What drugs, and why is he taking them?

Mirrormeback · 28/12/2023 22:30

What drugs ?

Cicciabella · 28/12/2023 22:32

Go back to the safeguarding lead st his old school. Get advice,
I'm in this job in a school.
You can organise peer mentoring and youth placements
Whrex his dad?

Original poster

MumSkull83 · 28/12/2023 22:34

ketamine and cocaine. For those suggesting I get him help I HAVE TRIED ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS WITH SEVERAL AGENCIES TO NO AVAIL! I have spent 2 years considering his wellbeing, trying to understand and have paid to get him counselling. He refused the counselling. I have not abandoned him, I have asked him not to come home just now. I know he is safe and am in contact with him.

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AlwaysWearSPF · 28/12/2023 22:34

MumSkull83 · 28/12/2023 22:21

Ds is 16 and has consistently dabbled in drugs for the past 2 years. We have grounded him, confiscated things, tried seeking help and talking openly about drug abuse. Nothing has worked. The type of drugs being dabbled in are becoming increasingly dangerous. I have another ds 13 and dd 9 at home to consider. Today I discovered he is dabbling with a drug which is particularly dangerous and have told him not to come home. AIBU?

He's a child and you've kicked him out. Won't you be worried about him and where he is? Does he have relatives that he can stay with. I wouldn't advise letting him roam around the streets.

Original poster

MumSkull83 · 28/12/2023 22:36

Please see update. He is not roaming the streets. He is with girlfriend tonight.

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Tangelablue · 28/12/2023 22:37

Does he want support? Drug alcohol charities such as we are with you or change Grow Live have young people workers but they are consent based. They also offer harm reduction advice if he doesn't want to stop but is open to a short intervention.

Lilithlogic · 28/12/2023 22:38

Has he always had free range to do as he pleases. Did you not give him boundaries growing up? Where were you when he was 14?

x2boys · 28/12/2023 22:38

How long will he be able to stay at his girlfriends?

Original poster

MumSkull83 · 28/12/2023 22:39

Tangelablue · 28/12/2023 22:37

Does he want support? Drug alcohol charities such as we are with you or change Grow Live have young people workers but they are consent based. They also offer harm reduction advice if he doesn't want to stop but is open to a short intervention.

I sourced a private counselling service after being refused support by GP and SS. He decided not to attend.

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socks1107 · 28/12/2023 22:40

I didn't want to ignore this but we a similar situation just not drugs, but something dangerous and not appropriate and certainly not something I want in my home or around the other young people here.
I have no advice, the young person in my life refuses to come here as they see are boundaries as controlling.
It's awful I really feel for you

Mirrormeback · 28/12/2023 22:40

Does she live with her family ?

Does she have younger siblings ?

Whyohwhywyoming · 28/12/2023 22:42

I am in a similar situation as you op and some days as awful as it sounds I wish he was somewhere else but I wouldn’t kick him
out. If you do, the problems will only get worse, and unless you are planning to go NC with him and absolve yourself of all responsibility, it will make it harder.