Throwing my 16 year old out?

That is a really awful thing to say. You have no idea what OP is going through or what she has done to try and make him stop taking drugs.

Seek support from the GP/SS again. It’s all you can do, maybe they will take it more seriously this time.

Speak to him regarding his path in life.

If he has left school then (unless he’s in a trade or something), he’s facing minimum wage jobs, next to no pension, and little enjoyment or security in life.

Young people will take drugs. I’m guessing you’re Scottish as you said “just now”, it is shit there, completely normalised for late teens to mid twenties to have ket and cocaine. Pretty standard to be offered either when you go to the bathroom in a bar.

I lived there around this age… the people who did ket and cocaine are not doing awesomely in any respect now and some are developing health conditions as a result of their persistent drug use… think bad enough to prevent them from working and providing for their family.. so a big deal.

Get him back into education and on track, it won’t avoid drug use but at least his life would be going in a semi positive direction. Make it a condition of his being in the house.

You could put him in a homeless hostel. But it’s likely to throw him from the frying pan into the fire in terms of contact with drug users and it will probably be harder stuff. Then you’re faced with years of back and forth with prison visits… so yeah don’t kick him out, keep pushing for help and getting him into a different environment/social group.

Do tell us what you mean by that. What "sort of parent" is the OP?
What "sort of parent" are you?
Do you parent the way you post? ie. without thought or information but loaded with judgement?
What is your knowledge of substance use disorder? Of mental illness? Of growing up during a pandemic?

What is ridiculous is you thinking you can dictate to others what they asked. If you had read the thread you would have seen I'd left this question as OP had answered. Unfortunately some people do neglect their children to the extent they know fuck all that goes on outside the home, OP obviously not being one. So wind your neck in please.

And still the judging of OP’s parenting continues, what’s wrong with people?

I have no advice OP, just sympathy. It really can happen to anyone, clearly lots of people here have no idea of the extent of it.

Oh OP, what a conundrum.

Ketamine causes really severe bladder issues - can you focus on them. It's hardly cool to have a bladder the size of a marble and be pissing all the time.

Easy to give advice when you've never been in OPs situation.

We haven't dealt with drugs, but we've dealt with an abusive eldest child with two other smaller ones in the home that we also have a duty to protect. Eldest DSD came to live with us, with a very unpleasant back history of life with her mum. Not her fault, but not ours or smaller children's either.

It's insanely difficult pouring ALL of your time and energy into one child who doesn't want to/won't help themselves, and won't accept any of your/outside agency help, and it's excruciating to see the adverse effect it has on other children.

Not sure what the answer is OP, but you have my sympathy. You're in an impossible situation. I hope you find an answer that works for your son, and the rest of the family x

I really sympathise as I’m in a similar position with DS17.5 and needing to protect younger children. I have clear boundaries around no drugs/alcohol in the house. I have asked him to leave when he breaks the drugs boundary but it’s only for 24 hours at a time and I make sure he has somewhere safe to go. I have also referred myself to local drug misuse service as they offer support to parents of addicts. I have early help support and I run my parenting decisions around DS past them. There is a charity called DePaul which helps negotiate between troubled teens and parents to keep them in the home. (https://www.depaul.org.uk/help-a-young-person-reach-safety-tonight/?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiA-bmsBhAGEiwAoaQNmoiPrzZ43F5eb9VKk0ZETQc2zF_SbIlP0yFjkqQRd-QGIlmQh-3MrRoC2FgQAvD_BwE)

I’m hoping to have help from them. Ive also asked for family therapy through SS. Trying to keep the connection with DS is key. So yes, enforcing the 24 hour time out but trying to make sure we repair again and reset. It’s exhausting. I don’t think we can do anything more than keeping on trying. I don’t want to kick him out permanently. Mine doesn’t have a job so I don’t hand over money if I can help it and if I have to I insist on screenshots of his bank statements to ensure money hasn’t been misspent.

How and why are you able to be so judgemental towards someone you’ve never met and a situation you know nothing about bar a few paragraphs?

OP is clearly desperate. She needs support not judgemental bullying.

I have dealt with sixteen year olds who are six inches taller than me and who when they are violent are nothing like a ‘child.’

I would recommend fam Anon for support.

I’m not in the UK but there are voluntary agencies here who can offer you a family support worker. I’m sure there may be an equivalent service in the UK.

Hopefully someone here will come along and make some practical recommendations.

OP you are doing your best and nobody knows how hard it is except you.

Ignore the judgemental posters here. Since they are all such perfect parents etc they should know better than to make nasty remarks to another parent in a desperate situation.

Lets hope these perfect parents never have to defend themselves or their children against an enraged 15 year old who after finishing trashing the house moves on to beating their mother.

Take care of yourself and do something nice for yourself. You are going through a lot and I wish you well,

@Redpaisley I am very pleased that you have never had to experience a child go down the path of taking drugs. By saying a 14 year old who has emotional love in their lives will not do drugs highlights your inexperience and lack of knowledge in the subject.

Drug taking in teens is a complex problem and not one that can be avoided by having emotional love at home or solid caring parents. If a child does not take drugs it is luck of circumstances and that alone that has enabled that. One wrong choice, one friend, one decision can turn a child's (and their families) life on its head.

I'm please you have such little experience or knowledge but please do not pretend to know if you have not lived the OPs experience. Its niave at best, insulting at worst.

Yet again, so gleefully judgemental .

Do you feel better now that you’ve had this amazing new insight into drug use?

Are you congratulating yourself now on your empathy and support towards a person in distress?

Ignore the judgy posters OP, they know zilch about this situation and their criticism is useless. We’re in London and drugs extremely prevalent among mid to late teens here. Sending support and solidarity.

Take the positive and ignore the negativity, I hope trouble never darkens their door….

Good luck OP, I hope your ds finds his way, and soon 💐

@MumSkull83 yes, I’m sending you my very warmest of wishes for sourcing appropriate help for your (clearly much-loved) DS. As the parent of one very troubled teen to another, I hope the temporary respite you are enjoying gives you some breathing space and the chance to relax ever so slightly, recharge your batteries and gird your loins for the next stage of the fight in your battle to keep DS on the right track.

You sound lovely.

Is that something I should actually care about 😄 does it actually have any meaning at all. Or was is just a clichéd response from a space filled with nothing?

Why are you assuming it's a 'new' insight?

I've seen it first hand, many times. Something HAS gone wrong for a child to have started taking drugs at 14. Obviously.

I think it’s the other way round - drug use leads to homelessness.

Sometimes parents have tried absolutely everything and can’t take any more abuse or violence from their drug-using adult sized child.

Quite often (in my experience) the thing that has gone wrong for a child is ADHD - drugs can be a way to feel
better. It’s complicated and different for everyone though, please don’t try and simplify.

@MumSkull83 . don’t bother to reply to the judgmental ones- they know not what they say. One of the hardest things about dealing with a troubled child who is off the rails is dealing with the ignorant judgment of those who think that you just have done something wrong. Those who have been through it do understand it is not quite so straightforward and that you need help not approbation.

@Fleetheart that’s so interesting as my DD1 is diagnosed with ADHD but it was a very late diagnosis (14.5) and I’ve always considered it as the least of her issues as she also has the following diagnoses: autism, registered blind, neonatal abstinence syndrome, FASD (adopted) and binge eating disorder. DD1 ‘pretends’ to take her ADHD meds but reckons they make no difference. She is definitely an addict as she has returned home tonight after some respite with my very good friend and she has ransacked my DD2’s bedroom in a hunt for sugar and treats. In the process, DD2 (7) has been assaulted and now I am waiting on the police arriving. Merry fecking Christmas to all the perfect Peter parents who are winning at life! Please spare a thought for those of us who, through no fault of our own, are doing our very best to parent under very extreme circumstances.

@MumSkull83 how are things now?