Throwing my 16 year old out?

Wow. Please choose to scroll past the incredibly judgemental and unhelpful comments people feel the need to post. I hope for their sakes they don't have to go through what you are now.

I know the paths I chose were not always the right ones as a teen. Joining the military at 17 was without a doubt my saviour and led me away from a very different life looking at the way my old friends now live.
I'm not suggesting this is the answer for your son, in honesty I have no idea what is. I just hated seeing some of the replies you were getting.

Whatever you decide has to be right for you and your family and I can't imagine the heartache your dealing with.

Op people don't have a clue. I use to work in social services. People assume there's services galore to help. Of course there isn't, ss will only help if your at breaking point. And most people would be surprised how low that bar is. Gp won't help. Waiting list for cahms can be years. And the most important thing is the child needs to engage to get help which he won't want to do. Really tough op. Ignore most people on here they have no clue.

I wonder if a support group for parents might give you more support/advice

👏👏👏

Someone that gets it.

Staying with his girlfriend, who could also be a user, is risky.

Make it manditory that he attend the private counselling that you sourced. Make the appointment and drive with him there.

Employ a drug detective to test him and search his room at random times , like responsible work places do.

Seek professional advice for yourself of how to proceed.

Involve the Police as he is getting the drugs from somewhere.

What drugs?

Is he being exploited?

Is there any chance he's involved with county lines?

If so, this is a completely different ball game. You'd need to get in contact with your local MACE (Multi Agency Child Exploitation) team!

@MumSkull83 what a difficult situation you're in.There just isn't enough help is there? But pls do not throw him out. If you must, he needs a safe place for his stuff that's not in the house/home.

As I see it, your DS has found his dopamine substitute and he likes how it feels so keeps using it. The problem is the effect isn't as strong as previous uses or doesn't last as long, so your DS is trying other stuff.

I appreciate you've worked hard to help him, have you also tried to understand why he uses drugs? What it gives him that he can't get elsewhere etc?

I have no idea what the answer is but years ago, we had a talk from a person who had been addicted to crack cocaine. They told us about hiw it happened, what it did to their life/health/family/friends etc. What it felt like going through withdrawal how it was a slippery slope to get clean and how much they fight their addiction daily. It made me understand drug addiction in a way Id never looked at it before. Is there anyone like this you could get him to listen to?

It seems like he can pick it up and put it down, so I'm hoping he doesn't have an addictive personality and will ditch the drugs soon x

Sending you strength and best wishes x

@autienotnaughty I used to work in youth homelessness so I always look to the third sector first, what charities are there in my area or nationally. You just need to sit down with the laptop and a phone and ring round till you get some ideas and a plan together. I agree CAMHS and GP pretty useless.

I don’t have any sense of moral authority or control. As I said, rehab is worth a shot, to say it is pointless and why should anyone make any sacrifice is you giving in to learned helplessness.

You can’t say rehab will not work on a child you have never met because of your experiences. You are massively projecting.

And we don’t know if £15k is totally out of reach for the OP. Perhaps it’s best to let her take on board advice and decide what she can or cannot do. As I said, I’d sell my car/go without a car, take out a loan, use my credit card whatever it took. I don’t have tons of money, but I’ve clawed my way out of bigger debts and can do so again if it helps my kid.

Try this instead:

Help and AdvicePlease note that from 25/12/2023 to 02/01/2024 the Release office will be closed, which includes the helpline service. Any messages left will be checked upon our return on the 2nd of January. Thank you for understanding

Release provides a free confidential and non-judgemental national information and advice service in relation to drugs and drug laws. Our Drug & Legal teams who operate and respond to your queries are highly knowledgeable lawyers and drug professionals which are on-hand to help and advise you. We don’t use guides or frequently asked question menus, as each question or query will depend upon a unique set of facts and circumstances, so don’t be embarrassed to ask a question.

Help & advice is offered upon a number of circumstances and/or concerns, and below we have presented a few examples. If you are unsure whether you have a drugs or legal inquiry don’t worry our teams work in collaboration, so you can be assured you will always receive a response to your query.

Drugs
drug information
effects of drugs
harm reduction
matters involving drug dependency
types of treatment including maintenance prescribing and abstinence.
Legal
travelling with prescribed controlled drugs
drug testing in the workplace
impact of (past) criminal convictions and cautions
charges involving possession of drugs
charges involving intention to supply drugs
cannabis cultivation offences

There are three ways you can contact us for help & advice:

By telephone – 020 7324 2989

The telephone help & advice line is open from 11am—1pm & 2pm—4pm Monday to Friday. A message service is available 24 hours and we will return your call within one business day.

By email – [email protected]

Are you seriously suggesting that all people who take drugs/ have addictions, do so because of their parents?

Yep this. So much judgement from other people on this thread.

I am shocked at all the judgemental, perfect parents on here. Op has my sympathy, she's obviously tried all sorts to help her child and is at the end of her tether. All kids are different, despite their upbringing/circumstances. Best wishes op and have some empathy people, you may find yourself in this predicament one day with kids or grandchildren!

Are you for real posting that? Most stuff is on the internet but this is a discussion forum.

@Lilithlogic How on earth do you know this? This comment is not useful, just very judgemental.

Whilst he's under your roof you at least can have some control over the situation & help him to stop it.
What benefits can you see with kicking him out? I see 0, only homelessness & drug addiction which makes things worse. He needs your help.

^This. And refusing counselling doesn’t mean he’d refuse residential rehab. They are two very different types of help.

As is anorexia and drug abuse @Hellenika

It is not learned helplessness at all. It is a lived experience and I have never said OP shouldn't do it if she can afford it, but that she shouldn't do anything detrimental to her family (and rehab costs would likely be detrimental for a large proportion of the population). He cannot be carted off against his will and forced to engage. That is a fact. His actions so far suggest he would be unwilling to engage. Therefore it would not be sensible for the OP to go rushing into paying huge amounts for rehab.

If you want to make the decision to allow the rest of your children to suffer, that's your choice. But the first thing any organisation such as families anonymous will tell you is to put yourself first. And as someone who ignored that advice for a long time (to my own financial and MH detriment) it is advice I wholeheartedly agree with.

Well the benefits for the rest of the family is a sense of calm and peace and the removal of a very negative for the younger siblings. And its may be the shock the young man needs. Or it may be a terrible idea and makes things worse for everybody. But when you're in the shit and you've tried lots of other things, sometimes you take a chance on the nuclear option..

A friend of mine went through this with her son, so i understand how difficult it is to get help for a 16 year old. A lot of pps are being very unfairly critical of you. As long as he's not accessing drugs at home, it's not your fault - he's a risk taker with a weakness for hard drugs.

As you know, and so many pps are ignoring, even if they were services available, your son can't be forced to go into treatment. But you and your other children need to feel safe at home, so maybe he does need to leave. Can social services provide him with any accommodation- hostel for young people maybe?

Very sorry you're going through this, and that you're getting such unsympathetic responses here.

dont blame you op -he needs to be arrested to kick start the help

i was kicked o9ut for much less

@Stuckinarut23 what's your problem? Yes I am for real, with a lot of relevant experience, and I also find that people come straight here sometimes without actually having looked at what help is available. Yes of course it's all on the internet, that's the whole point. OP said she's tried GP and SS, maybe that really is all she's tried. I am in support groups for parents and many newcomers haven't done any research whatsoever. GP/CAMHS say no, that's the end of the road in their minds.