Throwing my 16 year old out?

I think that's fair enough
I thunk its the way you titled the thread posters are assuming you are throwing him out to roam the streets

I'm hearing a lot of "I would", which suggests you've never been in this situation. In which case, all you actually know is what you think you would do. Is she supposed to sacrifice the things her other children need to send him to rehab, which he may well refuse to engage with, or run away from? Or attend and the come out and carry on as previous? You have no idea.

I think you should speak to the police. A kid that age is most likely being dragged into dealing or running county lines, and will be getting caught up with some unsavoury people. There is the risk he will bring this trouble to your home and put you or your younger children at risk. Speaking to your local police is really your only option.

I don't care if this outs me - but it's a subject that I've experienced and I know how it hurts.

I have a son who is older than yours, OP, went to uni overseas, had a career planned and then Covid hit. Took away all his prospects overnight. Depression and drugs set in. I found enough in my house to either kill or go to prison.

Now - this is a young man with 10 GCSEs, 4 A Levels, a BSC and an MA. We gave him harsh love. No one will love him as much as his family. These friends don't give a shit. They'll desert him and he'll be in a shop doorway every night, no clean clothes, eating rubbish donated and will not know of family occasions, births, funerals, etc. Make that choice. Always here for him and will always help, but he's got to make that decision himself. In a word, we frightened him witless. He would lose everything. He tried to kill himself on the railway line, but there was a signal failure that night, and no trains....

It's been two years of difficulty, and he's only now beginning to communicate properly. He has a managerial job - not one he wants, but one he has accepted as a new career. And I hope to God all works out well.

As I do with you and your son, I really do.

I don’t have advice I’m afraid I just wanted to say I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this as this is so incredibly difficult. It does seem to me like the general approach of tough love but ensuring he knows you’re definitely still there for him with your boundaries (ie no drugs in your house) is the best approach. Hope it works out ok xx

Honestly services like SS won't help until you stop and say no more

Plus it's pointless 'sending' someone to rehab. If they don't want to engage, then rehab would be useless. They will just sit there, soaking up the money, and then start taking the drugs again as soon as they are out. You can't force someone to stop taking drugs - they have to want to stop of their own volition.

@MumSkull83 - I really sympathise; it’s so hard to get help and the police have a lot of major drug issues to deal with. we did get some useful help from targeted youth support but it depends on your area. I get the worry, I am a single mum and was a nervous wreck - but one thing I know I did wrong (because my DD tells me) is that I didn’t protect her enough from the fall out. I think you are doing the right thing so please don’t be hard on yourself.

I don't envy you at all . I was on this road with my son from age 15 onwards . Long story short he moved out at 21 with lots of support in place. Within 4 months had committed a series of offences whilst under the influence of drink and drugs. Between the ages of 21-28 spent many years in jail , supported housing , short spells with me and a few weeks on the streets .
Came to my flat at the end of May looking terrible and said he didn't want this life anymore . I said he could stay for as long as he didn't drink / take drugs . He's been clean since and has been accepted onto our local housing register .
If I had my time again I would of done many things differently I'm sure but I honestly , even now , can't think what or how .
There was no support for us as a family at all . I've no doubt the stress and fear led to my relationship breaking down .
I'm alone and supporting a 29 year old in a one bedroom flat on little money and energy . But he's in the best place he's been in years so I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that we will come good .
Sending strength your way . And to your younger ones too . It heaps immense pressure on them and I hope you'll all be ok x

So are his girlfriend’s parents happy having him in their house? Or does she live separately from her family?

Exactly. I know someone who has run away from rehab twice. He did then get clean for a long time, but is now back using again with absolutely catastrophic consequences. This is a separate person to my family member I mentioned in my previous post. PP have no idea what it's like.

He is not safe. He is with his girlfriend taking drugs. All you have done is kicked the problem somewhere else.
As hard as it is, he is your child and you have parental responsibility for him until he is of age to make capacious decisions. Would you kick your 13 or 9 y/o out of the house?

Which region of the UK do you live in, OP?

So you're just going to write your 16 year old off? If you kick him out, you are condemning him to a life of drug addiction and crime. What chance will he have? He's still a child.
I would sell up and move the whole family out of the country, before I'd kick him out.
Seek advice, seek help, do whatever it takes to get your son on the right track. Find his passion and find him an apprentice in a job he will enjoy. He's still young and can be saved. Kids this age make bad decisions when they can't see a bright, prosperous, happy future for themselves. They are called disillusioned youths for a reason.

Yabu

He's a kid. How you raised him has shaped him into the person he is. You can't palm him off on others now.

Sorry you are going through this @MumSkull83 and for what it is worth I think it is time for tough love.

You HAVE to safeguard your younger kids. If someone else reports this then you could stand to lose all 3 kids for failing to protect the younger 2 from the exposure to drugs.

As awful as it sounds, call the police. Report him for possession and dealing if you think he might be. It will blow his life up, but you seem to have tried everything you can and nothing has worked. You may not be left with any alternatives.

He's a child!!

He is a child. If you give up on him and throw him out he’ll likely only become deeper and deeper into drugs and you’ll lose him forever. This is when you need to parent the most. His life is at risk.

I’ve had similar in my family. They ended up living in foster care until they were 18. I believe this was organised through SS.

Please be aware that DS is almost certainly mixed up in County Lines. Kicking him out will be pushing him towards them. If he’s lucky the worse that will happen is prison.

Nar Anon is really good support for families of drug addicts.

Do you not work?

Op please ignore posters that are questioning your parenting. Unless you experience it, you absolutely have no idea how hard, lonely and scary this journey is. When they come from good loving homes it makes it even more heartbreaking as you simply cannot understand their choices and question everything you have done. There are so many outside influences these days, drugs and vapes are all available to our kids and accessible through social media. Then we have kids with mental health issues maybe linked to COVID or school stress, bullying. You can have rules and boundaries but what happens when they simply say 'No' and do it anyway. There is a real problem in society. And very little support especially if they do no wish to engage. And there is no support for families either so please don't judge the op based on a few things. She is obviously at the end of her tether.