To ask for help with housework

Sounds to me like he works hard and full time support you and it sounds like to me like he doesn’t understand that your job is full time too! Whilst he might do an 8 hour shift, looking after an 8 month old and running a house as well is basically an 18 hour shift and you’re still waking to feed in the night too presumably. Might you be able to have a chat and help him to understand everything that you have to do around the house?

Im sure he could have better handled not having any pants. I’ve seen my husband turn around look at the situation and turn some inside out 🤣

life is extremely hard for the person in either position so we need to try to be understanding of the others situation. I have to say I don’t think you’re being unreasonable here. You can’t be Wonder Woman, if you’re struggling, you’re struggling, you don’t need judgement,
you need help.

It’s not helping her. It isn’t her sole responsibility to look after the house and children. This isn’t the 1950s.

Totally agree with this. This is fair.

This sounds awful, OP. As somebody else said above, it sounds like a life of drudgery.

I don't know how you feel about your husband, but I couldn't live with somebody like that. Could be worth thinking about leaving him. I hope things will improve for you

How many hours a week is he working (outside the home) and how many hours a week do you work (in the home). If you’re putting in more hours than him he needs to step up.

Also I would absolutely refuse to wash any clothes that are not in a washing basket. Make sure you’re teaching your 6yo this too. Completely unacceptable to pick up a grown man’s dirty washing.

My youngest is 12 now and others in uni so no young kids and I do now work however, for some years when kids were younger I didn’t. Our view was that whilst he was in work I also worked - looking after children, school drop off, pick up, washing, cleaning house etc. Out of that time we did things together, therefore I may have cooked tea as I was home or with very young children who we got to bed before tea, I might not have and he would have cooked, then we’d have shared the washing up or one might have washed up while one did a different job. My mum never worked and thinking about it I think that this was the example that she set because it’s how we naturally did things. At weekends, we also did things equally as they were as much my weekends as his. Mostly it involved doing things with the children. So as much work as possible was done in the week. However, I worked as best as I could in the week and my husband knew that. I am not a sitting around kind of person but if I’d been out seeing friends etc, my husband would have known that socialising with children is part of being a stay at home mum and therefore I could have fallen behind, not that he would ever notice if I had. You don’t make it sound like you are really on top of things though and perhaps that is the problem. Are you happy to sit doing nothing all day or are you more proactive. Regarding the pants however, buy more pants. I really don’t know how long I’d have to leave the washing to run out of underwear! They might not have their favourite underwear all the time but my family always would have underwear!

When mine were little I put a load of washing on every morning, and folded and put away at children's bathtime (there was always enough for a small load)
It was the one thing I got right. The house may have been a pit, but I didn't have a huge pile of clothes lying around.

Also, tell him to buy more pants, and if he wants his clothes cleaned then the least he can do is put them in a designated spot.
He wouldn't expect the mechanic to randomly find his car if it needed fixing.
I think you sound overwhelmed and you are probably double handling a lot of the time, so until you can work out some more efficient ways to manage then he needs to cut you some slack.
Meanwhile the least he can do is work on not being part of the problem.

You are not being unreasonable.

I’m on maternity leave at the moment, I’ve temporarily replaced my 39 hour a week job with raising our child 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, compared to my husband’s 39 hour a week job. Granted your husband seems to work a lot more hours, but not round the clock.

Stay at home mom does what it says on the tin. The word housekeeper isn’t in the title.

If I were in the office I couldn’t do the housework so if I get some done now it’s a bonus, but not the reason I’m home. I don’t sit on my backside all day, I entertain and care for our child and when she naps I have a few minutes to myself or get some odd jobs done, tidy away after playing with the baby etc. You share the house so the maintenance of it should be shared too.

I wonder how he’d feel if the shoe were on the other foot.

Go away/stay with friends or family for 2-3 nights over a weekend and he can manage the household whilst you’re away. He’ll realise just how hard you work.

Being a SAHP does not = being unsupported, under appreciated and treated unfairly

What do people not understand about the term Stay at home mum? People with no kids presumably misunderstand this but the children keep you busy 80% of the day, if you were working from home and he was working out of the home would you still be expected to do 100% of the housework? You need downtime from being a mum and doing all the chores just as you need a rest when you come home from work. I think your partner is being horrible, maybe he doesn’t realise how hard it can be? Can you leave him a day to do it all and see what he manages to achieve?

I actually can’t believe some of these comments 😱
you’re doing a great job and it’s such hard work keeping on top of everything alone!
Getting annoyed and waking the rest of the house up in a tantrum is not okay.
id expect more help when he’s home. You are working long hours all day everyday with no down time (even if it’s is a different way) it’s still exhausting especially pregnant.
even if he’s not going to help, bare minimum would be to be understanding and appreciative of the work you are putting in as well

As someone with no kids who has defending the OP against all the "I had kids and I did it all" comments I would say generally its not the people without children who are misunderstanding this tbh

Why are you pregnant again if it’s already hard? I don’t want to be that person but if things are already tough at home, why bring another baby to make it even more chaotic? It’s like seeing something is on fire and then trying to run into the fire, that doesn’t help obviously 🤦‍♀️

Overall it sounds like he should be doing more around the house. Just because you work it doesn’t mean you get a free pass, as if he lived on his own he would have to take care of it all.