To ask for help with housework

This. You're staying at home to parent and I get that this means you pick up more domestic duties, but he's an adult. He can do his own fucking laundry.

He needs to be doing more. I was exhausted at seven weeks pregnant, let alone with school runs and a baby and a large dog, and no conveniences like tumble dryer. Are you a SAHM or are you on maternity leave?

Either way, your work sounds like it’s 24/7 if you’re doing all the bedtimes and skivvy work in the evenings too. You need to add up how much down time you each get outside of his job hours + commute hours, and even things out. Once he’s home and off the clock, he should be taking an equal share of the kids and household stuff, not just doing what he wants and complaining about lack of pants. Plus there’s the mental load: he’s expecting you to magically know his pant situation. He could have forewarned you – or better yet, put on a pants wash himself. He’s a grown man.

YABU.

You have a child at school and an 8 month old at home so should have more than enough time to do all the house work!

Just be more organised, make a list and plan what is going to be done when.

Cook meals than use less washing up if needs be.

I'd tell him that if wasn't in the basket, it wouldn't get washed at all, and stick to it from that moment. I find laundry a relatively easy one to keep on top of (even if clean clothes aren't always put away too quickly) but my 6 year old knows to put dirty stuff in the washing basket.

I also think he should be helping with washing up after tea, kids bath and bedtimes. That's a tiny amount of the total household load, and it's not setting a good example to your kids (whether they're girls or boys) if he's just lazing around while you're scuttling about picking up pants.

YABU in my opinion. I would view the kids and housework as your job and the earning money part as his job.

My baby ex-partner complained he had no pants so from then on I left him to wash his own (we both worked FT). Your husband can monitor his underwear and at least put it in the washing basket. You need a tumble dryer or heated airer before the baby comes. The home may be your job but you are not his slave !

Buy more pants. Won't happen again then.

I'm really surprised at some of these answers.

The usual consensus is that you should have equal free time. That's not the case if, as soon as he is off the clock at work, his time is his own, while you are on duty all your waking hours.

Him using the laundry baskets (and things like putting his plate in the dishwasher/where you want dirty dishes) and actually CO parenting the kids is the minimum you should expect. Plus moral support!

I don't think you're unreasonable to expect a certain amount of help when he's home, washing up doesn't take long and it means you could do other things like out the kids to bed etc. if I was your dh I'd do stuff like wash up etc if I saw it and you were busy. But I'd not sit in my arse and expect to be waited on even after a full days manual work.

As for the pants, I can understand him being annoyed.

He needs more pants

You have a child at school and an 8 month old at home so should have more than enough time to do all the house work!
Basing this on DD’s school hours and distance: home from school run at 9, assuming the dog comes with so that’s it’s walk; allow 10 minutes for faffing once home – hanging up leads and poo bags, getting baby out of the pram, going to the loo six or seven times because pregnant. So 9.10 the clock starts ticking. And at the other end, 10 minutes faff for baby and dog before heading out to pickup, so clock ends at 2.25.

Five hours and 15 minutes for OP to: put the baby down for first nap – assuming it’s that sort of cooperative baby!, while the baby is down run around clearing up the breakfast detritus, baby up and nappy change, milk feed, then what? A baby class, playing, walk, whatever. Then make and feed the baby and herself lunch, then put the baby down for another nap, nap herself because she’s seven weeks pregnant, then the baby is up so change nappy, stash baby in playpen if crawling to go round the house picking up the dirty clothes her partner has scattered, take the dog out again (? I don’t have a dog, does it need a third walk aside from the school runs?), clear up the lunch mess, catch up on washing and mess after the weekend, prep dinner, food shop, cleaning. Plus however many milk feeds the baby has, I think OP is allowed a tea and a sit down sometimes and to interact with her baby. Then whoops it’s school run o’clock so then home from that at 3.15, the faffing, it’s now 3.30 but she’s got a six year old to entertain as well as the baby now, plus again: seven weeks pregnant is exhausting. Hopefully she prepped dinner already so she can just park them both in front of CBeebies and have a sit.

Then it’s dinner, bath, bedtime for the kids, before her useless partner comes home and doesn’t help with anything and scatters some more clothes around, then I bet she wants to go to bed because pregnant, but the dog needs a wee maybe or there’s more stuff to do because there’s always more stuff to do. She’s home to look after the baby, not be a 24/7 housework drudge.

Of course he should help but he doesn't want to.

He thinks you are the house skivvy.

You are so vulnerable.

Re think this third pregnancy quickly OP.

Is your eldest child his?

If not even more reason to not go ahead.

Being a sahm when you are not married makes you so vulnerable.

A third child, with 2 under 2, with a partner who has zero intention to be involved will be a lot worse than this.

Time to get real about your situation.

There are bigger problems than being behind on one load of washing

It sounds like you are being financially abused

It sounds like you have very 'traditional' roles - i.e. he works and expects you to do everything else (so, basically, you're working every waking minute but he only works his job hours).

And he sounds like he has a very 'traditional' (sexist) attitude about things. I'm not sure how you're going to get him to agree to do anything around the place - but he bloody well should!

@KewNutty it’s a pain in the arse trying to find the washing round the house and makes the job twice as long and hard.

He does need to take some responsibility too, if I was him I would be thinking I’ve only got 1 pair of pants left and then either gently ask you to put a wash on or do it myself.

SORRY WTF ARE THESE ANSWERS?! "YOU'RE A SAHM SO OF COURSE YOU ARE YOUR HUSBANDS SKIVY AND HOW DARE YOU LET THE POOR GROWN MAN RUN OUT OF PANTS?!

Honestly, I'm really shocked at these answers. The OP has a 8 month old baby and a six year old: I bet that if she said she was on maternity leave, rather than a SAHM, then the majority of the responses would have been very different.

Being a SAHM and having no access to money is an shit situation. It should be "family money". OPs husband gets to carry on his career, pay into a pension, spend money on what he likes, and expects to get home to dinner on the table and clean pants and not lift a finger, and OP gets to do all the grunt work around the house and doesn't have access to any income?! Wtf!!

Sorry OP, YANBU, sounds like your husband is a shit and you're in a shit situation here, not having access to money is financial abuse. What do you do if you need a haircut etc?

This^
Im SAHM, DH works in demanding job (not physical though) and still helping a lot. Over the years a few times there was no clean socks or pants he wasn’t excited of course but didn’t make a tantrum.

When you have DC, you are both on duty to help around the house all the time you are not working outside the house. It is not fair for him to come home and put his feet up until you also can put your feet up

This is what I came on to say, your DH might work long hours OP but I bet yours are longer when you consider that you're 'on' from the minute you wake up til the minute you go to sleep so of course it should be a joint effort when he gets home. It sounds like he's checked out of family life and is seeing/treating you like a domestic appliance instead of a partner.

He controls all the money - red flag.

You’re saying he won’t give you access you
money to buy HIM basic clothes?!! I was thinking he should help a bit more anyway but this sounds abusive. I think you need to do some soul-searching about the third baby and the relationship.

Get rid of the dog

Get organised and have a set routine
You are responsible for all housework, washing, drying.

He can put his clothes in the laundry basket or it doesn't get washed, put in a pile by his side of thr bed

The 6yr old can do the same

He can bath kids and put them to bed, when he is home

Cook or clear up after dinner when he is home

Do not have a third child with a man who is financially abusing you.