To ask for help with housework

I think part and parcel of being a SAHM is staying on top of most of the housework. I'd be annoyed at the lack of pants if I was him too.

Is there anyway you could get a cleaner? Even just 2 hrs a week would help?

Other than that I usually write a list for the week so like everyday I'll do a load of washing, Tuesday will be to clean the bathroom, Wednesday hoover downstairs etc. It helps break things up into manageable chunks.

Even though your partner works, he should still be doing some things around the house and should NOT be throwing tantrums over pants so YANBU there.

Also just want to acknowledge that it is hard to manage kids and house, you're doing a great job.

That's tough; I think when your husband is home you can expect him to help out but if he more inclined to ask him to help with kids bath time etc.

Similar situation here but I work 2 days a week. Husband works extremely long hours, stressful job but when he's home he's baths and does bed time with the kids. I take care of the home, shopping, cleaning etc as he's simply not home to do it but he's always hands on with our DC when at home.

The 6 year old is in school so it’s just you and the 7 month old. Putting a wash on is a quick 5 min job, providing he is putting all his dirty clothes in the wash basket.

Clean clothes should be a priority and I would expect the person at home to do this as they are they to hang it out etc

He should definitely have to wash up if he’s there though.

Just to add I know you have to get the 6 year old to school and pick them up so not saying it’s easy and you’re probably still doing a great job x

No pants? Well, no-one is perfect and it sounds like you are also working hard and doing your best.

IMO he should be helping, say washing up and clearing up and odd load of washing. Apart from anything it makes him a good role model for your kids.

The bulk of it should be done by you as the SAHP (it's what I did) but if you're behind for eg then, yes he should help as you are a team. It took my dh a while to realise that being home with 2 kids is not easy.

Regarding getting a cleaner? I just think about my mum in the 70s with 3 under 3, bills paid in person, no convenience food, internet shopping, a twin tub machine and terry nappies. She did it all.

ok, on the whole, you need to do the vast majority. The 2/3 kids and a large dog are a choice and it does sound like he pulls his weight on the work front. BUT he is an adult and you should not be the underwear drawer monitor. If he lived alone he'd be doing his own washing, cooking AND washing up so no it is not unreasonable for him to pitch in with the things that are directly HIS and he certainly should not be having a huff at you - did he mention he pulled out the last pair of pants yesterday? Does he tell you if his deodorant or shaving foam is running low or is he expecting you to magically know that too?

I agree with pp, your 6yo should be in school most of the day and you only have the baby at home so it shouldn't be so difficult and certainly shouldn't take a week to catch up from the weekend unless you have a 6 bed/6 bath mansion. Prioritise the jobs that will cause an impact eg laundry.

I agree that your DH should do washing up in the evening. It's not an onerous job. He should be helping out at weekends too.

Once the new baby comes it will be tons harder as you'll have two under 2 to cope with.

Train him to use the fucking wash basket at least 😵‍💫

I'd rather pay for a cleaner than the upkeep of a large dog

I do think that you should be doing the bulk of the housework. But I also think an adult man can monitor his own pants situation, DH and I both work and both manage to keep track.

So you have 2 full time jobs & he has 1..tell him to wash his own f..ing pants.

He should be doing his own washing and helping out with everything else when he's not at work.
Get this sorted now or you're in for a life time of drudgery.

Not a helpful comment re your partner- but could you fit in a dishwasher and tumble dryer somewhere? We didn’t have either in our last house but do now and they make life so much easier!

Presumably he gets a couple of days off work a week and you're still the one in charge of the kids on those days whilst he gets some rest? If that's the case, I do think he should be at the very least giving you an hour or so off where he watches his children on a work night or helps with bed and bath time. He could also do a few tasks like sorting laundry, tidying up on his days off and still have plenty of time to rest up so he's ready for work the following week. If he were single he would have to wash his own pants and work!

and no, he does not use the wash baskets, i usually have to go round the house to collect the clothes.

Well, for a start I'd be reading him the riot act, and asking him directly to explain exactly HOW you're supposed to ever keep on top of everything, when HIS laziness is making every task take twice as long?

I'm pretty sure you could keep on top of the washing if it was just in the fucking basket, rather than you hunting around the house for HIS laundry!!

Ps your partner sounds unreasonable to me- fair enough for you to do a majority of the chores but that doesn’t mean being his skivvy and picking up after him - and he should definitely be pitching in at weekends when he’s home

If your husband was working more conventional hours I'd say he should pull his weight more. But starting work as early as 3am (sometimes) or 7/8am am then not finishing until 5pm or later sounds exhausting especially when you say he does physical, tiring work.
In this situation I think you should do nearly everything in the days he works. My husband also works crazy hours and when I was a SAHM I did all the house work. It seemed fair to me at the time.

Buy more pants

yeah, no I wouldn't be doing that. I'm a single parent to young teens and am training them that they have to TELL me if they are running low on something or its getting too small and not at crisis point when it needs solving right now. I sometimes will need a several days before I can get to the right shop so they are learning to look ahead. Your DH may work hard but he's a frigging adult and you are a stay at home PARENT not housemaid.

YANBU
When you have DC, you are both on duty to help around the house all the time you are not working outside the house. It is not fair for him to come home and put his feet up until you also can put your feet up.

I second the get a tumble drier. The heat pump ones are around 50p to dry a full load of washing and it only takes an hour. I had a large family and the tumble drier was essential.

Your DH should be using the washing basket for dirty clothes…he needs to be doing the odd bits that are not extra effort on him but save you time.

You are a human being not a domestic appliance. If he wants someone else to do his washing as a bare minimum he needs to put it in the washing basket instead of scattering it around and expecting you to go round collecting it.

In a busy household balls will get dropped (in more ways than one!), I think he should be showing his pregnant wife a little more compassion