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Anyone want to come and mourn the reality vs expectation of new purchases with me?

(598 Posts)
Swimminguphill Thu 07-Dec-17 15:16:11

I bought this beautiful jacket online. In my mind I'd look like Blondie in the 80s, very rock and roll and all round awesome. In reality I look like a giant angry teddy bear/yeti. I have broad shoulders and a bust although slim in general, and it doesn't do me any favours. I wanted it for ages and it's now sold out, and so the joy of getting it in my size just in time is sadly wasted. It is a beautiful jacket - just not on me! Anybody else want to come and mourn reality vs fantasy with me?

kalinkafoxtrot45 Thu 07-Dec-17 19:37:59

Arf at Suzi Quatro's fat nan.

I bought a Cos top thinking I would ooze minimalist chic. I looked like a child had drawn me with blunt crayons.

Deathraystare Thu 07-Dec-17 19:40:44

Forever reading that wrap around dresses are good for curvy girls - well if you want to look like you have a sofa up your dress, yes indeedy! That is what I look like!

LazyDailyMailJournos Thu 07-Dec-17 19:42:59

Fetchez I bought the stripy version of it, also on the strength of the reviews. Looked like a complete sack of spuds in it, but DH had been super efficient and binned all the paperwork, so it went to the charity shop.

GardenGeek Thu 07-Dec-17 19:47:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JennyHolzersGhost Thu 07-Dec-17 19:49:48

Everything I’ve ever bought from Toast. Except one pair of crepe trousers which were THE perfect work trousers and of course they never made them again.

reallyorange Thu 07-Dec-17 19:49:58

Tried on a stretchy sequin dress with long sleeves, I thought the style was fairly modest (not short or low-cut) but the all-over sequins in midnight blue would look very cool.
I still managed to look like Tina Turner despite normally looking a young 30-year-old. I think it's the thickness/weight of the fabric!

stealthbanana Thu 07-Dec-17 20:05:33

florence I have that cos dress in navy. It only hits my mid thigh (maybe that model has a v v long waist?) and, thinking about it, I did wear it a lot in the first two trimesters of pregnancy.

My ongoing nemeses are floral dresses and pointed flats. The floral dresses - expectation: floaty, boho, effortlessly cool. Reality: like a carpeted sofa/elderly church flower arranger. Pointed flats - expectation: French, chic, striding confidently through life. Reality - with size 8 feet, clown feet/duck feet. And none of them are even ever comfortable!

FlorenceLyons Thu 07-Dec-17 20:56:12

Yes, it's very short on me too, banana. And I can just feel people surreptitiously sneaking glances at my stomach when I wear it. It needs to go to the charity shop!

allfurcoatnoknickers Thu 07-Dec-17 21:34:19

I just bought a floral wrap dress with ruffles and a deep V neck. I imagined myself as looking like Monica Bellucci in D&G in Palermo.

I actually look like Ma Larkin. It’s going back. Immediately.

LazyDailyMailJournos Thu 07-Dec-17 21:50:46

Garden it's from Hush.

mizu Thu 07-Dec-17 22:04:25

These are hilarious.

Second hand wide leg cropped jeans, sold as vintage, thought I'd look hip and cool wearing them with a grey wool jumper.

Just look like a twat grin who is trying way too hard. Jeans slightly too tight at the top as vintage and so smaller than sizes today.

The jeans were eBay and cheap but I should know by now to NEVER buy jeans on line.

thedevilinablackdress Thu 07-Dec-17 22:10:19

Where to start? Most often I buy something that I think will look ironically cool, e.g. the long pale blue tartan skirt that was identical to one I saw the model Laura Bailey wearing in a magazine. All casual insouciance with a man's shirt sort of thing. I mostly look like Miss Jean Brodie. Not necessarily a bad look but not what I was aiming for. In fact I'm going to stop pretending and embrace this. Lots of velvet, cardigans and polo necks for the rest of the winter I think.

Glamorousglitter Thu 07-Dec-17 22:10:19

Unreal fur gilet - expectation - Kate Moss esque cool with black jeans and black sweater ....
Reality - baseball player shoulders with fluffy bits everywhere .... and

katplva Thu 07-Dec-17 22:12:48

I tried that same dress Fetchez and yes, the reality was a sack of spuds! And yet theoretically it should have worked and so many (online) were raving about it. It looked so good in my head smile

thedevilinablackdress Thu 07-Dec-17 22:13:02

Just spotted your post Mizu. I could have written this! I got a pair of vintage Levi's in the size I normally wear. Would not go on. Also many odd cropped efforts.

Glamorousglitter Thu 07-Dec-17 22:15:12

Oops 'ultra cool oversized all saints asymmetric coat '

Reality shapeless sack like coat made me think of a fisherman - (and it was cold too)

crazymissdaisy Thu 07-Dec-17 22:18:34

Tried contouring: " ooh " said my 10 year old daughter with genuine admiration " it looks like you've drawn Maleficent on a paper plate"confused

thedevilinablackdress Thu 07-Dec-17 22:20:36

In summer I vary my look, trying out button front floral skirts and dresses thinking I am pulling off a 70s Fleetwood Mac vibe. The reality is Joyce Barnaby from Midsomer Murders.

LentilBaby Thu 07-Dec-17 22:26:47

A good few years ago bought a military style long cardigan/coat thing. Looked like I should have been playing the trombone for the Salvation Army. 🙄

poppym12 Thu 07-Dec-17 22:36:31

The stylish but casual black playsuit I bought for summer beach holidays that would make me look effortlessly chic....... nope. Looked like Tinky Winky gone emo.

WontLetThoseRobotsDefeatMe Thu 07-Dec-17 22:37:41

A pinstripe shirt dress in a sort of stretch/billowy fabric. I thought it would look effortlessly chic with bare legs in September, then I could stick thick tights under it for winter.

In reality, the stretch top and billowy arms (gathered daintily at the elbow) give me an enormous Carry On Matron bust which looks ridiculous.

FetchezLaVache Thu 07-Dec-17 22:41:31

@GardenGeek it is indeed from Hush. I am so glad I am not the only person who failed to rock the look!

thedevilinablackdress Thu 07-Dec-17 22:44:58

Emo Tinky Winky gringrin

Naughtysausage Thu 07-Dec-17 22:45:35

Every pair of dungarees (--I know, I know--) I've tried to buy. I imagine casual, long limbed, fun.
Actually it looks like they've squished all the fat from my legs out over the top of the dungarees.
I keep thinking it's the cut and I try on a new pair, then have a moment of genuine horror in the changing room. How can one person with such normal looking legs have such a bloated back? Where has this odd fat come from? It wasn't that bad 10 minutes ago, WAS IT???

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Thu 07-Dec-17 22:50:00

A navy tartan circle midi skirt from Joanie Clothing. The 12 has a smaller waist than Topshop size 10 (which I am not any more). The material bunched horribly over my hips. Nope! I was thinking librarian chic but the reality was NOT GOOD. I must remember to return it.

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