Anyone want to come and mourn the reality vs expectation of new purchases with me?

[Swimminguphill]

I bought this beautiful jacket online. In my mind I'd look like Blondie in the 80s, very rock and roll and all round awesome. In reality I look like a giant angry teddy bear/yeti. I have broad shoulders and a bust although slim in general, and it doesn't do me any favours. I wanted it for ages and it's now sold out, and so the joy of getting it in my size just in time is sadly wasted. It is a beautiful jacket - just not on me! Anybody else want to come and mourn reality vs fantasy with me?

[BreakfastAtSquiffanys]

Striped Breton top.
Expectation - casual French insouciance
Reality - Where's Wally in drag

[Goddamitt]

I bought a silver, DKNY leather jacket on EBay. Even got into a bidding war as I was so desperate to win it. I awaited it’s arrival eagerly. I looked like Michael Jackson in the BAD years.

[Featherstep]

Great thread, we need this as the Christmas and sale season trigger mad online buying!

Another one who regrets many ebay purchases. Esp since there's no returns there.

Ah that hush dress! I've also been considering it, am also 5'4, size 8, suspect I'd be hugely disappointed as well... saw it in John Lewis and the XS looked massive!

[oldlaundbooth]

Sorry just had to

[arousingcheer]

FetchezLaVache that dress (stripy version) made me look like a rugby player in drag. I have quite a slim waist but the top part is enormous so I looked like a broad-shouldered long-waisted uniboob. And if your arse is your largest feature 'ruching' makes it look like you're wearing a skirt two sizes too small.
I find Hush clothes flatter the sporty/boyish figure but not the bumpy one.

[LazyDailyMailJournos]

I am relieved that others also found the Hush dress a bit...unflattering...

Also, shell tops. I aim for something that goes well with a pair of jeans or 7/8 trousers and can be dressed up and down. The reality is that they are almost always too short and cut me in half right across the waist to maximise the dumpiness. And that there is never enough room round the bust so your norks end up being squashed. The overall effect is of a sausage that someone has tried to stuff back into its skin.

[PavlovaPlease]

Wide legged, frayed cropped flares. In my head: insouciant tomboy chic. In reality: pirate.

I have just realised this purchase was inspired by the same IG-er who inspired the Lionel Blair jacket. Must unfollow.

[Moogletea]

A beautiful layered neckline dress from Monsoon

I looked like a Triceratop in it - come near me and I'll raise my neck frill in defence

[TossDaily]

A Fairisle jumper. I was aiming for Sarah Lund Scandi chic.

I missed and hit Sarah Ferguson holidaying in Balmoral in 1983.

[Arsenicinthesugarbowl]

Haha! Pavlova I’ve been shamed by many an Instagram inspired purchase. The frill sleeved top that I had hoped would say sultry senorita but actually said “fancy dress-as a bird” is one classic.

[PavlovaPlease]

EBay cashmere. In my head: stylish, classy, grown up. Reality: cat blanket.

[MartinRohdesBellybuttonFluff]

Pleated midi skirt - was hoping for cool (with biker jacket and boots) with feminine twist but instead I looked like...

Barbara Woodhouse/off duty nun about to break into a trot while showing my Afghan hound in the ring at Crufts

[TossDaily]

God, pleated midiskirts.

I had a metallic silver one. I looked like I was wearing the bottom half of a Dalek costume.

[thedevilinablackdress]

This thread is full of gems.. Triceratops neck frill

[LazyDailyMailJournos]

I am howling at the Triceratops neck frill

Love these types of thread. It makes me feel much less alone in getting it completely wrong!

[EverythingEverywhere1234]

This is the most amazing thread 😂

[slimyslitheryslug]

Brilliant, brilliant thread.
I, too, am delighted with the Hush dress failures. So many rave reviews from so many different shaped people that I have been tempted but, as a short pear with a large backside even by average pear standards, I just couldn't see how it would work. I may have been right for once.
Shirt dresses are my nemesis. Or they were for about 10 years until I finally realised that all of my colleagues who looked effortlessly cool & chic in them were taller, thinner and, most importantly, more boyish in their shape than me. It also dawned on me over time that the fact that there was actually a lot of effort going in as most of them were spending an hour in the gym each day & having regular beauty treatments and had time for shopping sprees as they were all 20 somethings on a six figure salary and with no dependents whereas I was a haggard 30 something who was either just back from maternity leave/sleep deprived/pregnant/back from
maternity leave and even more sleep deprived than before/still sleep deprived.

[MistyMeena]

Ah what an unexpected gem of a thread 😂

[TossDaily]

Also, a cotton summer midi skirt from Toast, which I wore with a semi-tucked in white t-shirt, as advised by numerous fashionistas, and Birkenstocks.

DP took a snap of me wandering around the garden. I looked like I was getting some fresh air in some kind of secure facility for disturbed middle aged women.

Binned.

[stealthbanana]

toss

[bellsandwhistles89]

@crazymissdaisy I just laughed out loud at work, just stop it now.

[poppym12]

The oversized scarf to casually wrap around any wintery outfit making it look chic. Nope. Clint Eastwood in a spaghetti western.

[LentilBaby]

Need to stop reading this thread, my 9 week old baby is trying to sleep on me but mummy’s tummy keeps shaking violently with laughter 😂

[SplatPancake]

Suzi Quatro's fat nan. Lionel Blair. Bewildered middle aged air - taker.

I'm so glad I'm working from home today,quite literally lolling out loud

[LePetitPont]

I think this is my favourite mishap so far! Play suits are tricky characters. As, I imagine, Emo tinky winky would be