Anyone want to come and mourn the reality vs expectation of new purchases with me?

[Swimminguphill]

I bought this beautiful jacket online. In my mind I'd look like Blondie in the 80s, very rock and roll and all round awesome. In reality I look like a giant angry teddy bear/yeti. I have broad shoulders and a bust although slim in general, and it doesn't do me any favours. I wanted it for ages and it's now sold out, and so the joy of getting it in my size just in time is sadly wasted. It is a beautiful jacket - just not on me! Anybody else want to come and mourn reality vs fantasy with me?

[LePetitPont]

The above should have been to poppym12 - but lots of great mishaps to choose from.

A shirt dress from everything five pounds that made me look like a short, fat lamp.

[TawnyPippit]

Ah, poppym12, I'm with you here. My wrap was actually in a "buttery soft suede".

I looked just like Lee van Cleef.

[TossDaily]

Haircuts can be buggers for this too.

More than once I've aimed for a Louise Brooks bob and instead achieved Hamble off Playschool or Richard III.

And we don't talk about the bright red pixie crop that made me look like a fat match

[RubbishMantra]

These beautiful Joseph brogues caused much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Lord knows what sizing structure they use, but they were an inch longer than the size they were supposed to be and so narrow that surely only a skeleton could have jammed their foot into them. When I eventually did persuade them onto my feet, they were more uncomfortable than any pair of stilettos I've ever worn.

[AccidentallyRunToWindsor]

@TossDaily I agree with the hair cut drama I aimed for a sleek Victoria Beckham inverted bob. What I got was Errol Flynn as Robin Hood.

[Wandastartup]

Silver puffs jacket= overweight spaceman.
I in contrast to others on the thread am still wearing it as it's lovely and warm!

[hollygolipo]

Oh god haircuts... expectation: cascading corkscrew curls, reality: Noddy Holder...

[Holyknight]

A plain white cotton shirt with frilly stand-up collar from Cos last summer. I saw a v cool looking woman wearing it walking along Kings Road last summer. Bought it in sale, persuaded myself it was sweet. Got home and decided I looked like an uncooked Cornish Pasty in it. Is hung at back of wardrobe waiting to look nice with something, somehow, someday.

[IJustLostTheGame]

Dungarees.
I look like a tragic wannabe children's tv presenter from the 80s.

[Floisme]

I haven't even got the expectation. I know this will end in tears:
Christopher Lemaire for Uniqlo

They keep selling out so the link my not work but basically they're ultra long, ultra wide leg cords and even they say 'best worn with heels'. I am 5'3 and only wear flats but I've been tracking them for weeks and I can't hold out any longer.

[leedy]

Another Toast midi skirt victim here. I thought it would look sort of effortlessly chic with a tucked-in Breton and a belt, instead I looked like Sister Paula the "cool" nun who taught art.

Also learned to never buy Cos online after buying a)a drapy dress that was so confusing I couldn't get into it and b)a cocoony dress that made me look like I was about to say Mass.

[QueenThisTime]

Oh I'm at home on this thread. I love ebay and have got some much-loved fabulous things but the misses are really bad.

sparkly pink cardigan - I don't know what I was thinking, some kind of delicate Marant-ish chic effect maybe. Reality - loud embarrassing sitcom grandma.

Mango summer jumpsuit thing in fabulous orange print, I would look floaty and nonchalant. Reality - I had underestimated the size of my arse - floaty elsewhere, tight over bulging upper thighs and bum which emphasized them so I looked like and orange print hippo.

Toast A-line sweatshirt dress - I would channel cool Scandi-esque androgyny. Reality - way too short, made me look like several sacks of potatoes atop two tree trunks.

I just love the look of A-line shaped dresses that fall from the shoulders and are so loose, casual and relaxed a la cos. On the model that is. It just doesn't work on me, I'm pear-shaped and I know that a fitted look works best on me, but I can't resist trying on those dresses. Every single time I look like a huge barrel.

[AnnabelleLecter]

I volunteered for make-up demo on cruise ship.
Promised: bronze godess
Actual: oompa loompa

I was persuaded fairly heavily (comission) didn't buy obviously.

[AquaAddict]

My worst was the silver pixie crop. I looked like a fat knackered old man. Until I put make up on. Then I looked like a fat knackered old man in drag. Not the look I was aiming for. It's taken me 3 years to grow that horror out

And we don't talk about the black brocade jeans. The woman I saw in them looked amazing. I looked like an overstuffed black pudding

[QueenThisTime]

At least I know not to go near that raved-about hush dress. Loose flappy waist and tight on the thighs - it would be an utter disaster.

Crying at "fat match" and "getting some fresh air in some kind of secure facility for disturbed middle aged women" :o

To be fair a lot of the Toast catalogue looks like that, except it's for young, very pissed off women :o

[Giggorata]

Crying at this thread!
My contribution - a pastel linen dropped waist summer dress to waft about in. Aiming for languid, cool, chic - actually achieved lumpen maiden Aunt.

[MorrisZapp]

The three hardest words in the style lexicon:

Crisp
White
Shirt

They never look crisp. They instantly rumple. And I have never managed to not look like a waitress or a troublingly old school girl while wearing one.

I have finally, finally given myself permission to let the idea drop from my life altogether. Feels great.

[leedy]

Oh, just remembered another one. A lovely chambray shirt.

The dream: sort of off duty version of the crisp white shirt
The reality: bus driver

[Inarightpickleandchutney]

A fringe. I never learn.
I think I’ll look younger effortless and stylish.
I actually look like I have clip on Lego hair.

[QueenThisTime]

God yes! Every magazine fashion editor on the planet wants you to get "the perfect crisp white shirt" I'm tall with short hair and wearing a white shirt immediately makes me look like a man. I don't know many women it suits in fact.

[Floisme]

I don't have many rules but one of them is that any item of clothing that needs its own adjective is going to be shit.
'Crisp white shirt.'
'Buttery soft leather.'
'Killer heels'.
'Classic trench coat.'

Plus anything described as an 'investment'.

[MorrisZapp]

As for the 'classic trench', I've managed to reach middle age without ever meeting anyone who owns one.

Maybe classic actually means 'worn by a tiny, shrinking minority of people'.

I'm going to break into a fashion editors house one day and ram the evidence (jeans, jumpers, scruffs) in their face while shouting 'Is THIS classic? And THIS?'

[Floisme]

It's 'buttery leather' that winds me up the most. I like leather the way it used to be, you know when you had to break it in and the longer you wore it, the better it looked?

I'm in a bad mood now, just thinking about it.

[thedevilinablackdress]

Thank goodness (though kinda sad for this thread) that eBay on my phone only goes back so far in my purchase history or I could really see how many howlers there have been. The occasional gem seems to make it worthwhile though. I've never really gambled but I imagine it's a bit like waiting to see if your eBay purchase will live up to your fantasy or if you have to shove the offending item in the charity bag, making a payment t with your own brain never to speak of it again.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

at you lot. I have genuinely laughed out loud at most of these.

I recently bought a green, edge to edge, draped velvet jacket to wear to lunch at a vair expensive restaurant we had to book months ahead. I was thinking it would very on trend while being the right blend of casual and smart. Reality? Magician.

I wore it any way. I’m sure some of the tables were worried lest I appear between dessert and coffee suggesting they “pick a card, any card”. I doubt I’ll wear it again