To be disappointed by this 40th birthday gift from my friends?

[bdaydisappoint]

Basically, I've known this particular group of 8 friends including me since school (almost 30 years now!!) and I'm the last of the group to hit the big 40. We had a lovely socially distanced picnic in the park yesterday where they excitedly gave me... a gift box full of Tropic stuff.

One of the girls has recently become a Tropic ambassador and honestly, she's become quite obsessed. It feels like every conversation winds back to Tropic somehow and she keeps asking everyone if they'd like to host pamper parties (so much fun and a great chance to catch up with wine if nothing else! ). I dislike all MLM type selling on principle so have always excused myself from the parties (all via Zoom in this covid-19 world). However, I haven't outright told her I'm not interested, so tbf she won't know my true feelings on it.

There's two reasons I feel a bit let down. Firstly, it's just so generic and impersonal. For all of the other girls' 40ths, we've tried to give gifts personal to the birthday girl in question e.g. the gin lover got a fancy gin masterclass, the musical theatre fan got tickets to a West End show (obviously these were pre-pandemic), the avid reader got a book subscription etc etc. A skin care set just isn't, well, 'me' really. I'm not especially into beauty stuff and I've never expressed a desire to try tropic. Secondly, it just irks me that my Tropic selling friend has probably got paid commission and this might be the main reason for the gift choice. It's not about the money (knowing how expensive Tropic stuff is, I think they've actually spent a lot! ) it's more the lack of thought considering we've made an effort to do personal presents for everyone else. And also having MLM products forced upon me when I've been actively avoiding them!

AIBU and a horrible, terrible and ungrateful friend? Or am I right to feel disappointed by this? For info, I tried not to let my feelings show and did thank them all. In the end, it was a minor blip in what was otherwise a truly wonderful day.

[blackbirdcottage]

I was ready to say YABU but you’re really not!

[Sunshineboo]

It’s the thoughtlessness that would bother me. If you were they type to leave beauty and skin care stuff then the gift could have been on the right path, but not quite there, but you still fell good
as was thoughtful. But as you are not, it’s a shite generic gift.

My advice would be to go home put it in the regift cupboard, and take comfort in the fact that when she realises what a nob she’s been (which does happen after not too long in my experience) she will realise what a shit gift she’s given you.

[Chartreuse45]

Not unreasonable I would say! It's very impersonal and probably not worth what they paid for it. Now that she's managed to convince the group she'll never stop suggesting the products as presents. Your friends have made a rod for their own backs!

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

Disappointing, but I think you were right to be gracious about it.

[amijustparanoidorjuststoned]

I want to say YABU so much OP. But honestly, if I got this for my 40th from a group of friends I would be mortified. YADNBU.

It's about the previous sentiment in to each other's gifts. I would feel hurt too if my friends just got me some MLM stuff for my 40th.

At the end of the day, it is only a gift and it all depends on how much you value their friendship. There isn't any point saying anything because the gift has been bought (someone might tell me differently!) but I would be questioning the value of the friendship.

Unless, of course, you are an avid skincare/cosmetic junkie and they thought it would be perfect on that basis..?

[angelaEhen]

She probably just talked your other friends into it, it's a bit rubbish but they all mean well so I would try not to worry about it

[LittleMissnotLittleMrs]

Keep it and regift it back to them, piece by piece

[AliceinBunnyland]

YABU

That would annoy me too OP. I believe in giving what you want and "you don't give to receive" and all that but it's disappointing when good friends buy a gift that shows they've given little or no thought.

Is it possible the friend who promotes Tropic encouraged the others to put in for that?

[AllsortsofAwkward]

Yabu things might be tight due to the current pandemic and people being furloughed.

[EL8888]

YANBU. It’s lazy and thoughtless. Was any thought actually put into this? Apart from her getting commission obviously

[Patch23042]

It’s a rubbish generic gift. And in a few months you’ll get asked if you want to buy more.

Food banks take toiletries. Put the items you won’t use in there, someone will be pleased with them.

[SunbathingDragon]

Yanbu. The thoughtlessness and fact it supports a MLM scheme would annoy me.

Perhaps due to the pandemic they were struggling for appropriate ideas. I imagine a generic gift card and apology that they couldn’t shop or arrange something more individual would have gone down better though.

[DragonflyInn]

I don’t blame you at all op. What a shame she managed to convince the rest of the group it was a good idea. But you’re right to focus on the fact you had a wonderful day, and from the sounds of it they’re generally good friends so I guess you rack this one up to being an unfortunate mistake and move on!
Happy 40th btw!

[recklessruby]

Yanbu. I dont like MLM stuff either and surely the point of a present (especially for a big birthday) is it's thought about and tailored to the interests of the recipient?
Well done for being gracious though if it's not your thing.
Back in about 2003 we had a friend who got sucked into an aloe Vera MLM and it got tiresome very quickly.
Luckily for me dd is super allergic to Aloe Vera and loads of other stuff so I had a great excuse to say no.
Be wary she doesn't try to recruit you. Our friend tried, wanted £200 for the starter kit.
Big No from me.

[Lillygolightly]

I don’t think your unreasonable to be disappointed no. I wouldn’t be pushed off at your group but I would be pissed at your fried the tropic rep. It seems clear that she has talked the group into getting this as your gift. Would I be pissed enough to say anything about it? Probably not no, I wouldn’t want to risk appearing ungrateful because as you suspect your friends probably parted with a fair bit of cash for the gift. As for the tropic friend I’d probably just regift her the set for Christmas

[TinySleepThief]

I was like others all ready to come and lament you for being unreasonable but actually you're right its a very thoughtless gift and I would have found it so hard to not show my disappointment.

[JammyHands]

I would guess this one person bulldozed the group into it. If anyone asks you if you really liked it, I'd feel free to say you appreciated the thought but didn't feel it was your sort of gift.

[SunbathingDragon]

@AllsortsofAwkward

Yabu things might be tight due to the current pandemic and people being furloughed.

The OP says It's not about the money (knowing how expensive Tropic stuff is, I think they've actually spent a lot! so surely things potentially being tight and people being furloughed isn’t an excuse?

[DiddlySquatty]

That is shit, not surprised you’re disappointed

[Iloveacurry]

I’d be disappointed too. I hate getting toiletries as a present. It just shows no thought has gone into it.

I always get toiletries from my ILs for my birthday. Some buy one, get one free gift. Always disappointing!

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

It’s not like you binned it in front of her said That’s a load a shit, you arse hole.
We all know the saying he who is without sin cast the first stone. We’ve all had gifts we’ve been secretly disappointed in.
You can’t help how you feel.

On another note though I love skin care I’ll have it. or bung it on EBay.
Mind you you might get her saying..
“Ooh have you tried your new skin care pack”, what’s it like.

[Pieceofpurplesky]

I have a friend who does another MLM thing and I can imagine it went along the lines of your tropic friend telling them you would get £100 worth of goods for £50, such a bargain etc. Your other friends would have been trapped by it! I have been there and like you received a gift of stuff I never use.

I do however love the tropic soap pebbles (another present from another friend)

[PastMyBestBeforeDate]

You can imagine the group chat where they sorted it out though. Tropic friend seeing the opportunity, someone suggesting something else, tropic friend insisting she can get a great deal etc and either they don't know or mind it's mlm or not wanting to upset tropic friend.

[pussycatinboots]

YANBU.
Happy Birthday 🎂
Sorry your friends have been brain-washed by the tropic seller.
It was very thoughtless of them.
Bung it in the Foodbank trolley at the supermarket and treat yourself to a nice box of chocs or bottle of vino.

[justasking111]

@PastMyBestBeforeDate

You can imagine the group chat where they sorted it out though. Tropic friend seeing the opportunity, someone suggesting something else, tropic friend insisting she can get a great deal etc and either they don't know or mind it's mlm or not wanting to upset tropic friend.

This.

A friend of DS is on FB daily trying to get us all to buy the stuff. It is awkward.