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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be disappointed by this 40th birthday gift from my friends?

408 replies

bdaydisappoint · 25/07/2020 19:43

Basically, I've known this particular group of 8 friends including me since school (almost 30 years now!!) and I'm the last of the group to hit the big 40. We had a lovely socially distanced picnic in the park yesterday where they excitedly gave me... a gift box full of Tropic stuff.

One of the girls has recently become a Tropic ambassador and honestly, she's become quite obsessed. It feels like every conversation winds back to Tropic somehow and she keeps asking everyone if they'd like to host pamper parties (so much fun and a great chance to catch up with wine if nothing else! Hmm). I dislike all MLM type selling on principle so have always excused myself from the parties (all via Zoom in this covid-19 world). However, I haven't outright told her I'm not interested, so tbf she won't know my true feelings on it.

There's two reasons I feel a bit let down. Firstly, it's just so generic and impersonal. For all of the other girls' 40ths, we've tried to give gifts personal to the birthday girl in question e.g. the gin lover got a fancy gin masterclass, the musical theatre fan got tickets to a West End show (obviously these were pre-pandemic), the avid reader got a book subscription etc etc. A skin care set just isn't, well, 'me' really. I'm not especially into beauty stuff and I've never expressed a desire to try tropic. Secondly, it just irks me that my Tropic selling friend has probably got paid commission and this might be the main reason for the gift choice. It's not about the money (knowing how expensive Tropic stuff is, I think they've actually spent a lot! Blush) it's more the lack of thought considering we've made an effort to do personal presents for everyone else. And also having MLM products forced upon me when I've been actively avoiding them! Sad

AIBU and a horrible, terrible and ungrateful friend? Or am I right to feel disappointed by this? For info, I tried not to let my feelings show and did thank them all. In the end, it was a minor blip in what was otherwise a truly wonderful day.

OP posts:
Redwinestillfine · 25/07/2020 22:10

Just regift it.

tripletsss · 25/07/2020 22:15

O yes you have some shitty friends here 😮 though the others may not have had much say and been pushed into buying off the tropic seller for you!

Shizzlestix · 25/07/2020 22:17

Very outing OP!!

Which one of the friends are you??

You know, realising that my friends, who know me, were persuaded by some mlm bot to give me a generic thoughtless gift, would thoroughly upset me. Didn”t any of them go ‘Do you know what, bdaydisappoint only uses x product and she has wanted to do x for months. Let”s get her a voucher for that”. Gutting.

tripletsss · 25/07/2020 22:18

Apologies on the swear word on previous post I can't edit it I'm sorry. Forgot my manners! 😔

IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 · 25/07/2020 22:21

BessMarvin: I didn't accuse the OP of stamping her feet. I just tried to encourage her to appreciate what she has. We are living in difficult times at the moment. Surely friends and companionship are more important than a gift!

pokehuman · 25/07/2020 22:28

@IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0

BessMarvin: I didn't accuse the OP of stamping her feet. I just tried to encourage her to appreciate what she has. We are living in difficult times at the moment. Surely friends and companionship are more important than a gift!
I agree with you here. I think the minority sadly.
forrestgreen · 25/07/2020 22:28

Open everything and 'try' it all, pop it all back in the bag and say it doesn't suit your skin you'd be grateful if she could return everything and give you a refund.
Pop a message on your watts app group, thanks for the generous gift, I've tried it all and it doesn't suit my skin, she's getting me a refund. Was there any other gift ideas as I'd like something personal from you guys to remember a lovely day'

Tropic offer a full guarantee. I'd pop it round when she's not in so you don't need a discussion.

Rebelwithallthecause · 25/07/2020 22:31

I wouldn’t be happy if someone wasted their money on an MLM on my behalf at all
It would make me feel like I’m indirectly supporting it

YANBU

Zucker · 25/07/2020 22:32

Dreadful present! I wonder though, who in the group was the driving force behind the thoughtful gifts the other friends received?

GeorgiaWeLoveYou · 25/07/2020 22:34

Awful OP, YANBU.

I imagine that as you're the last one to turn 40 and they've thought of six other 40th present ideas, they've just given up, got bored, been lazy and agreed with the Tropic seller. No excuse though to treat you like that.

You did the right thing, however, by being gratious.

Bluebellbike · 25/07/2020 22:39

YANBU. I'd have been hurt too. In fact I have personal experience of this type of thing
My adult DD, for my significant birthday this year gave me a basket of Body Shop stuff. She's a Body Shop At Home salesperson and that's what I received for Christmas last year too. She gave her Dad mens toiletries too for his birthday. Neither he nor I will use them. It just seems like she sees it as an easy option for her feels like it it may be stuff she got cheap or can't sell.

SoulofanAggron · 25/07/2020 23:01

YANBU but what can you do? :( Happy birthday, hope you had a good'un. xxx

HoHoHolyCow · 25/07/2020 23:04

YANBU I'd be disappointed too OP.

JellyfishandShells · 25/07/2020 23:08

I agree with you, OP.

Mary46 · 25/07/2020 23:09

They lacked any effort with this gift. I googled the range they nice nothing amazing. Quite pricey. Ah feel for you.

gamerchick · 25/07/2020 23:11

@LittleMissnotLittleMrs

Keep it and regift it back to them, piece by piece
This.

Or do a big hoo-ha about a rash.....

Flipsockflop · 25/07/2020 23:16

I think antacid is a Tropic bot too, just wanting the thread removed. If you really knew the person you’d say “are your initials XX” or whatever.

Happy birthday OP, YANBU

Flipsockflop · 25/07/2020 23:17

Sorry that should have read @Atadaddicted not antacid!

Fruitsaladjelly · 25/07/2020 23:18

It looks like there is a decent market for it on eBay, get what you can for it and put the money towards something you’d like. I often pull this trick. I normally gush about how kind the gift was to the giver however I think you’d be quite right if asked to just say unfortunately you couldn’t use them because of your skin. At least they’ll think twice before doing the same again.

SeasonFinale · 25/07/2020 23:20

@LittleMissnotLittleMrs

Keep it and regift it back to them, piece by piece
Fab idea. Do it!
MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 25/07/2020 23:26

You can't return it - not unless you want to look rude and ungrateful. Your friends probably genuinely thought that you'd like it. What with everything else that's going on, a lot of people don't have the mental energy to put the usual amount to time into shopping for gifts. They can't really buy you an 'experience' gift right now. Accept that they meant well and don't let it play on your mind.

Beautiful3 · 25/07/2020 23:27

Do you think because of corana virus, they drew a blank as to what to get you? Eg. Theratres closed and perhaps they're thinking you won't want to venture out unnecessarily? Can you sell the pack on Ebay and buy what you really want? I always think that skincare/perfume/make up tastes are so personal, that it shouldn't be gifted. If you do sell it and they ask how it is, just say it made your skin sore so you threw it away.

Beautiful3 · 25/07/2020 23:37

@Atadaddicted

"Put it like this - I think I may know you!"

SO YOURE EITHER THE TOPIC BOT, OR ONE OF THE FRIENDS WHO COULDNT BE BOTHERED TO THINK OF A PERSONAL GIFT?! 🙄

jessyjo2 · 25/07/2020 23:41

Yes agree I b disappointment too but u were right just to thank them etc.
Personally I'm not a tropic fan. I have several friends who sell it, I always dodge the parties. I just don't get how people invite their friends around so they can make money out of them.

PeddlingInTheRain · 25/07/2020 23:41

[quote Beautiful3]@Atadaddicted

"Put it like this - I think I may know you!"

SO YOURE EITHER THE TOPIC BOT, OR ONE OF THE FRIENDS WHO COULDNT BE BOTHERED TO THINK OF A PERSONAL GIFT?! 🙄[/quote]
Nah she's taking the piss.

I echo a PP who said if she did know her she'd make it more believable.