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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be disappointed by this 40th birthday gift from my friends?

408 replies

bdaydisappoint · 25/07/2020 19:43

Basically, I've known this particular group of 8 friends including me since school (almost 30 years now!!) and I'm the last of the group to hit the big 40. We had a lovely socially distanced picnic in the park yesterday where they excitedly gave me... a gift box full of Tropic stuff.

One of the girls has recently become a Tropic ambassador and honestly, she's become quite obsessed. It feels like every conversation winds back to Tropic somehow and she keeps asking everyone if they'd like to host pamper parties (so much fun and a great chance to catch up with wine if nothing else! Hmm). I dislike all MLM type selling on principle so have always excused myself from the parties (all via Zoom in this covid-19 world). However, I haven't outright told her I'm not interested, so tbf she won't know my true feelings on it.

There's two reasons I feel a bit let down. Firstly, it's just so generic and impersonal. For all of the other girls' 40ths, we've tried to give gifts personal to the birthday girl in question e.g. the gin lover got a fancy gin masterclass, the musical theatre fan got tickets to a West End show (obviously these were pre-pandemic), the avid reader got a book subscription etc etc. A skin care set just isn't, well, 'me' really. I'm not especially into beauty stuff and I've never expressed a desire to try tropic. Secondly, it just irks me that my Tropic selling friend has probably got paid commission and this might be the main reason for the gift choice. It's not about the money (knowing how expensive Tropic stuff is, I think they've actually spent a lot! Blush) it's more the lack of thought considering we've made an effort to do personal presents for everyone else. And also having MLM products forced upon me when I've been actively avoiding them! Sad

AIBU and a horrible, terrible and ungrateful friend? Or am I right to feel disappointed by this? For info, I tried not to let my feelings show and did thank them all. In the end, it was a minor blip in what was otherwise a truly wonderful day.

OP posts:
muckandnettles · 25/07/2020 20:02

It's the thought, definitely. Or lack of it. Two of my best friends once jointly sent me an Interflora bouquet for my birthday and I wept when I saw it. So generic and not my style at all. I totally understand why you are so upset. Hide it though - bright smile and grateful thanks to everyone!

pussycatinboots · 25/07/2020 20:02

It’s not like you binned it in front of her said That’s a load a shit, you arse hole.

I would have Grin

or you could re-gift it back to the tropic seller for Christmas 🎄

Didiusfalco · 25/07/2020 20:03

Oh, you're not unreasonable, however in a not dissimilar situation, when everyone was in a lockdown panic, I got nothing at all. I definitely felt a bit flat about it, but I'm actually wondering if I wouldn't prefer nothing to a bag of not great, or particularly luxury smellies.

WhatRhymesWithTerf · 25/07/2020 20:04

I had a family member try to sell her mlm shit to my wider family and family friends as gifts for my milestone bday, claiming she knew I'd love it.

I knew this was a common tactic among the bots and thankfully my family and friends have their head screwed on and politely told her they know me well enough to know I don't agree with MLMs.

howfarwevecome · 25/07/2020 20:04

YANBU to be hurt over the generic so-not-you 'gift' from such close friends, especially when you've been so thoughtful about everyone else there. And a MLM company to boot, ugh. Clearly the Tropics friend pushed for the idea; no other reason for it other than her need to earn a commission.

Regift it and try not to be annoyed with the rest of them. They probably feel the same way as you do, but may have been caught out by MLM friend.

Maryhadalittlejam · 25/07/2020 20:04

I would be upset too. Its the lack of thought of what you'd like. I'd also be upset that your friend saw your birthday as a business opportunity
I'd say its not really my thing if anyone asked

bdaydisappoint · 25/07/2020 20:05

Thanks for the replies! Tbh, I was in two minds posting this as there's so much bigger stuff going on in the world right now (and I get @AllsortsofAwkward's point money is an issue for lots of people, though honestly, that stuff is really expensive!) and otherwise, they did make me feel very loved (as did my DH, DC and other friends and family). I just didn't want anything to do with Tropic really, I have temperamental skin and a tried and tested regime that works for me. I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest. It felt uncharacteristically thoughtless of them, I suppose. But like I say, I had a fab day, so it's a small thing really. I think I'm going to quietly hand over the stash to a food bank like @Patch23042 suggests (I didn't realise that they took toiletries).

And thanks for the birthday wishes, everyone! Grin

OP posts:
pictish · 25/07/2020 20:05

I also think the Tropic friend was insistent and they didn’t know how to say no without offending her.

LaneBoy · 25/07/2020 20:06

YANBU, that’s rubbish especially when compared to the other more personal gifts others have been given in the group. Maybe it’s shitty timing due to the pandemic as well, as it’s harder to arrange stuff? And potentially less money to spend (company discount). But it does sound like it’s driven by MLM obsession.

I agree sell, donate or regift it in future, if it’s expensive it could be a nice gift for someone who likes those products?

I have a friend who gives MLM products as presents to her DCs and DH every birthday/Christmas etc, she isn’t pushy about sales or recruitment at all though.

Callipygion · 25/07/2020 20:06

I’d definitely be very disappointed if it were me too. I hate getting toiletries as presents I’m just not into that sort of stuff.

For my 50th birthday I asked for a specific perfume spray from Body Shop off work and they got me a box of toiletries in the same range - body butter (what the fuck is that anyway?), shower gel, deodorant, etc. I had to feign joy as I’m sure it was expensive, but I hated it. Gave it all away to a charity shop.

FizzyPink · 25/07/2020 20:07

From the title I was going to say whatever the circumstances or gift but I despise MLM so you are not unreasonable at all. I’d be really upset with a gift like that

SchrodingersImmigrant · 25/07/2020 20:07

This is my first YANBU about present😱 Did she annoy others into buying it?

Happy birthday

Arsewell · 25/07/2020 20:07

What @LittleMissnotLittleMrs said!

spacepoppers · 25/07/2020 20:07

Oh see now I'm a liiiiitle bit on the fence about this. Ordinarily yes, I would say I'd be a tad put out about it. But in a way, I can kind of see how this may have developed in light of Covid, ie. your friends having lots of other things to worry about and one particular friend saying 'it's fine, I've sorted it just give me X amount, sorted!'

YANBU to be upset about it, I think it may have been more to do with unfortunate timing of your birthday.

YouUnlockedTheGateAnd · 25/07/2020 20:07

You need to develop an allergy to it, quick, or this is your future birthday and christmas for the foreseeable.

ScrimpshawTheSecond · 25/07/2020 20:09

Nah, that's a pretty rubbish present, OP. Flowers

I'm not gift-orientated, but sometiimes the thought (or lack of it) really is what counts.

Smallsteps88 · 25/07/2020 20:09

I guarantee you your Tropic friend was behind this. She’ll have suggested to the others getting you a tropic gift box and dangled her discount in front of them. I’d be furious tbh

Pipandmum · 25/07/2020 20:10

Maybe a smidge but frankly not that much. She probably pushed it and the others thought 'why not it will help her business'.
In my group we seem to have settled on the beauty voucher thing. Even the women that don't usually get a facial or pedi seem to enjoy the pampering every once in a while. But it's not particularly personal. Before that one friend never seemed to understand what I might like and got me stuff that I generally regifted come Christmas. Never got that worked up about it though.
I don't think Tropic is MLM though? I know several who sell it but they don't recruit others to sell. I may be wrong though.

HavelockVetinari · 25/07/2020 20:12

YANBU, and your Tropic friend is a right CF. How dare she profit from your big day? She's got more front than Blackpool.

bdaydisappoint · 25/07/2020 20:12

@PastMyBestBeforeDate

You can imagine the group chat where they sorted it out though. Tropic friend seeing the opportunity, someone suggesting something else, tropic friend insisting she can get a great deal etc and either they don't know or mind it's mlm or not wanting to upset tropic friend.
Haha yes, unfortunately this is probably true!

I actually feel a bit concerned about my Tropic friend, she's properly gone overboard with her 'new business venture'. I think of all the MLMs it's probably not the most exploitative out there (from what I can tell), but it's worrying how fixated she's become on this Sad

OP posts:
TinySleepThief · 25/07/2020 20:13

I’d be furious tbh

I would also be furious at the MLM bot 'friend' it would make me reconsider our friendship. She clearly thinks so little of you and your other friends that she is prepared to use you all.

Northernlass8855 · 25/07/2020 20:13

Happy birthday 🎂

YANBU. I would feel the same as you OP as I share your feeling about MLM. I can imagine insistence/enthusiasm of your Tropic friend unfortunately won out and over more thoughtful suggestions.

Local hospital charity/school raffle, food bank etc. will appreciate the anonymous donation and you will have done a good turn.

Try to forget about the gift now and don’t mention it to anyone - you will remember the lovely time you spent with friends when you look back.

Mightymurphy · 25/07/2020 20:23

I’d be disappointed too.

Give it back. Say you are allergic and see what happens.

rookiemere · 25/07/2020 20:24

YANBU your "Friend" has basically used this as an opportunity to shift some of her overpriced merchandise and your other friends have gone along with it. Rubbish gift, I'd definitely be downgrading MLM friendship.

Zaphodsotherhead · 25/07/2020 20:24

YANBU but...

do you have something that they could have latched on to? You say the gin lover got a masterclass, the musical lover got West End tickets - do you have a 'thing' that they could have done instead? Or do you not really have any hobbies or interests that lend themselves to present giving?

That said, it's a bit of a shit present, I agree.