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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be disappointed by this 40th birthday gift from my friends?

408 replies

bdaydisappoint · 25/07/2020 19:43

Basically, I've known this particular group of 8 friends including me since school (almost 30 years now!!) and I'm the last of the group to hit the big 40. We had a lovely socially distanced picnic in the park yesterday where they excitedly gave me... a gift box full of Tropic stuff.

One of the girls has recently become a Tropic ambassador and honestly, she's become quite obsessed. It feels like every conversation winds back to Tropic somehow and she keeps asking everyone if they'd like to host pamper parties (so much fun and a great chance to catch up with wine if nothing else! Hmm). I dislike all MLM type selling on principle so have always excused myself from the parties (all via Zoom in this covid-19 world). However, I haven't outright told her I'm not interested, so tbf she won't know my true feelings on it.

There's two reasons I feel a bit let down. Firstly, it's just so generic and impersonal. For all of the other girls' 40ths, we've tried to give gifts personal to the birthday girl in question e.g. the gin lover got a fancy gin masterclass, the musical theatre fan got tickets to a West End show (obviously these were pre-pandemic), the avid reader got a book subscription etc etc. A skin care set just isn't, well, 'me' really. I'm not especially into beauty stuff and I've never expressed a desire to try tropic. Secondly, it just irks me that my Tropic selling friend has probably got paid commission and this might be the main reason for the gift choice. It's not about the money (knowing how expensive Tropic stuff is, I think they've actually spent a lot! Blush) it's more the lack of thought considering we've made an effort to do personal presents for everyone else. And also having MLM products forced upon me when I've been actively avoiding them! Sad

AIBU and a horrible, terrible and ungrateful friend? Or am I right to feel disappointed by this? For info, I tried not to let my feelings show and did thank them all. In the end, it was a minor blip in what was otherwise a truly wonderful day.

OP posts:
Chuly · 25/07/2020 20:46

God why on earth would anyone think that was an appropriate present.

Atadaddicted · 25/07/2020 20:47

Oh I’d have been so disappointed if it was me!

For our group’s 40ths, we’ve got jewellery (for one though we got a pack of PT sessions as she was desperate for some but couldn’t justify the expense).

Beauty products, unless something like high value voucher for selfridges / space nk etc.... no-no

WatchoutfortheROUS · 25/07/2020 20:48

That's a bad gift OP. It would definitely change my opinion of MLM friend as she obviously just cared about sales rather than getting you a suitable gift. I'd also be disappointed with the other friends too.

Staffy1 · 25/07/2020 20:50

Can't blame you for being disappointed. Reminds me of a gift from work when I had my baby. A box of body shop type stuff, body butters and bath things which I never use instead of the standard babygrow that everyone else always got. I was so disappointed as we hadn't had any baby stuff from anyone, as friends and family were all scattered in different countries, but had to try and sound pleased as the lady who organised it thought it was a much nicer gift than the usual. In your case it's even worse as it came from friends who had all had thoughtful gifts from you and didn't seem to put much thought into yours.

Gawdzilla · 25/07/2020 20:50

I’d be most disappointed to think ‘they don’t know me at all’. All 6 of them went along with this. Amazon hasn’t been closed for lockdown. If any of them ask did you like it, I would tell them straight that you won’t be using it. Any other response will end up with you getting more of the same. Sorry OP and Happy Birthday!

CuppaZa · 25/07/2020 20:51

I was ready to say yabu, but you are not at all.

Lougle · 25/07/2020 20:53

So the Tropic ambassador pays £198 for a starter kit (allegedly worth £500) then they get a 25% discount on products.

I'd also be gutted, OP.

1Morewineplease · 25/07/2020 20:55

I agree with others. A thoughtless gift lazily given.

diddl · 25/07/2020 20:56

I think unless you know for sure what a person uses, beauty products are best chosen by the user aren't they?

Littlecaf · 25/07/2020 20:56

I’d be dissapointed. Something like that happened for my 30th (now years ago!) and I was gracious in thanking the friends but the Body Shop box sat under my bed for 6months then I donated it to a raffle. It’s was probably £50+ of skin care. I don’t really “do” skincare. I do washing and keeping clean but I’m not really a skin care person. Was upset as for all the others in the group got experiences - wine tasting, paragliding etc. Would have killed for a massage voucher! YANBU.

Hardbackwriter · 25/07/2020 20:57

@Possiblywickedandlazy

THIS is what I hate about MLM bots. They change from perfectly normal people into people who take every single opportunity to push their products into people and make some cash. My friend did this over lockdown - got my group of friends to buy some tropic gifts for our NHS friends to cheer them up, worked out how much it would cost by splitting the cost between the four of us. I then realised that Tropic reps get 25-% commission, so she basically got the rest of us to shell out for gifts for four people while she contributed nothing but still shared in the ‘glory’ of the gift giving. It’s so grabby. And there is always an MLM mum who suggests giving the class teacher their products at the end of the year when £200 or whatever has been collected from all the parents to pool for a gift. Piss off! You do not get to profit when the rest of us are shelling out!

I digress. YANBU.

Absolutely. In a few months time the friend will have realised that she is never going to make money from this MLM and shamefacedly never mention it again - but she'll always have turned one of her oldest friend's 40th into an opportunity to up her sales and (I strongly suspect) harrassed all her other oldest friends into going along with this.
Cheesecakejar · 25/07/2020 20:58

This is quite amusing as I used to get a cash bonus from my boss every Christmas (she ran a small business and I was the only employee) the year she started doing Tropic on the side I got a gift box of it instead of the usual cash. I was convinced she had got it for free as well for hitting some kind of target. Never felt the same about her since, it felt like a right slap in the face! I know exactly how you feel.

Sootikinstew · 25/07/2020 21:01

Op I'll have the lot off you if you don't want it. I love tropic 😁 (wouldn't pay £200 and ambassador for them though!)

2pinkginsplease · 25/07/2020 21:05

Id be disappointed in their lack of thoughtfulness and the personal touch.

I always put a lot of thought into my gifts and would be disappointed to receive that gift too.

Lovewinemorethanhusband · 25/07/2020 21:07

Yanbu, is there anyway you can say to her that its not going to work for your skin and give it back? It was my 40th on Tuesday and one off my best friends gave me an iou, this was after speaking to me the day before about buying herself a whole new wardrobe off clothes and make up!!, she gave me some flowers and wine which would have been fine with, it was the iou that just pissed me off, she knows me but apparently couldn't think off what to get me!!!

Chocoholic12 · 25/07/2020 21:14

YANBU! Happy 40th OP x

localgarden · 25/07/2020 21:16

Tropic stuff is very, very good. I bought it years ago when Susan Ma was on The Apprentice (liked her), and was very impressed with the products and their ethos.

Their "ethos"? Sorry but all MLM companies are glorified pyramid schemes. That's not something to be admired.

Fluffymule · 25/07/2020 21:23

What is it about the type of ‘friend’ who does things like this?

A couple of years ago a friend whom I hadn’t heard from for about year sent me an email out of the blue with some flimsy pretext about thinking about me as she had driven through my county earlier that week. But the real reason was apparent as she followed up with news about starting a new self-employed business and would ‘keep me in the loop with it’. Basically she was wanting to put me on a marketing list.

I replied, wishing her success, and commented that as I had not long ago been diagnosed with cancer (she did not know this, I’d told minimal family only at this point), and was going through gruelling chemo, would not be in a position to use her business service/products for some time, but I’m sure she would be a success.

She’s never contacted me personally ever since, not once enquiring how my cancer treatment was going/went or if I came through ok. But I do get regular marketing messages pushing her business every fortnight.

This is a woman I gave a job to in the past. We stayed many times in each others homes, and together at mutual friends homes. We often holidayed together. Her behaviour was so confusing and hurtful.

Does being in the MLM environment turn people so myopic and selfish, or are those with an existing tendency for those behaviours the types more drawn to MLM I wonder?

ktp100 · 25/07/2020 21:25

I think I'd be tempted to return it. That might sound awfully ungrateful but as you've never shown an interest AND have temperamental skin I would be loathe to let a possibly expensive gift that good friends have chipped in for go to a food bank. If you do that you'll have to either fess up and say you gave it away or lie and say you liked it, in which case CF friend will be all over you to buy more.

At the very least I'd make sure your friend knows that you can't and won't be using the gift so that she realises what a knob she's been.

Hardbackwriter · 25/07/2020 21:26

Does being in the MLM environment turn people so myopic and selfish, or are those with an existing tendency for those behaviours the types more drawn to MLM I wonder?

I've wondered this too - I think it's a bit of both but also the really sad thing about MLM is that people often do them because they're desperate and desperation can make nice people selfish. I also think they just create this atmosphere where it's all not just normal but great to be behaving like this, and people get sucked into that bubble.

I'm really sorry to hear about your 'friend's callousness and your cancer, and I hope you've recovered now Flowers

Ceebs85 · 25/07/2020 21:28

YANBU!!

Really hope one of the group sees this. I bet the MLM idiot bullied the rest into it

Geraniumblue · 25/07/2020 21:28

I think they get so caught up in the idea of being wealthy and the perceived glamour of it all, that they temporarily lose all common sense and treat all their friends and colleagues as potential customers, without considering if they want that. It’s really annoying of them, but it does wear off eventually. I have a friend who’s going through it at the moment.

neveradullmoment99 · 25/07/2020 21:30

It is a bit of an easy option to give you this. Yes, i would have been hurt too, especially knowing thought and care went to the others.

Fluffymule · 25/07/2020 21:30

Thank you Hardbackwriter All treatment completed last year and things looking positive for the future.

Thisismytimetoshine · 25/07/2020 21:31

Yanbu. I had to google Tropic (nobody ever tries to sell me anything, they obviously know me too well Wink). It looks like a load of overpriced shit.