To be disappointed by this 40th birthday gift from my friends?

[bdaydisappoint]

Basically, I've known this particular group of 8 friends including me since school (almost 30 years now!!) and I'm the last of the group to hit the big 40. We had a lovely socially distanced picnic in the park yesterday where they excitedly gave me... a gift box full of Tropic stuff.

One of the girls has recently become a Tropic ambassador and honestly, she's become quite obsessed. It feels like every conversation winds back to Tropic somehow and she keeps asking everyone if they'd like to host pamper parties (so much fun and a great chance to catch up with wine if nothing else! ). I dislike all MLM type selling on principle so have always excused myself from the parties (all via Zoom in this covid-19 world). However, I haven't outright told her I'm not interested, so tbf she won't know my true feelings on it.

There's two reasons I feel a bit let down. Firstly, it's just so generic and impersonal. For all of the other girls' 40ths, we've tried to give gifts personal to the birthday girl in question e.g. the gin lover got a fancy gin masterclass, the musical theatre fan got tickets to a West End show (obviously these were pre-pandemic), the avid reader got a book subscription etc etc. A skin care set just isn't, well, 'me' really. I'm not especially into beauty stuff and I've never expressed a desire to try tropic. Secondly, it just irks me that my Tropic selling friend has probably got paid commission and this might be the main reason for the gift choice. It's not about the money (knowing how expensive Tropic stuff is, I think they've actually spent a lot! ) it's more the lack of thought considering we've made an effort to do personal presents for everyone else. And also having MLM products forced upon me when I've been actively avoiding them!

AIBU and a horrible, terrible and ungrateful friend? Or am I right to feel disappointed by this? For info, I tried not to let my feelings show and did thank them all. In the end, it was a minor blip in what was otherwise a truly wonderful day.

Yep @Eviecol that is what makes the difference, if it was just from the friend you could assume she meant well (though still misguided in my book!)., but it’s the convincing others to chip in to what she’s selling that makes it self interest not generosity.

The self interest of the Tropic bot is evident in one of the OP’s updates:

“...she texted this morning asking if I’d tried any of the products yet and if I’d be interested in hosting a party as I could get even more stuff…!”

OP’s friend clearly sees OP as a potential source of cash. Only an MLM bot would expect their friends to line their pockets. What a predatory business.

@Eviecol oh come on - admit that you work for them 🙄. It’s incredibly obvious.

It is exactly the same as the other MLM. Whole point of the structure of an MLM.

Well there is one thing this thread proves. For many people it really isn’t th thought that counts.

@evicol, that's all just marketing. Smoke and mirrors. Don't be naive. ALL MLM companies will tell you the same thing. One particular MLM company is no more ethical than the next.

I’ve namechanged for this because it is outing!!

YANBU at all OP. A generic gift like that would be so disappointing when other people have had thoughtful gifts. It almost makes it worse that it was expensive - What a waste.

For my wedding some years ago my colleagues clubbed together and bought me a huge double slow cooker because they know I love cooking and often cook for big groups of people. I nearly cried when I opened it. It was so big and expensive and dull! I hated that they thought of me as someone that would like this terrible, boring gift. I’m not a fan of slow cookers anyway (although they weren’t to know that) but this thing is huge and an absolute pain to store in our tiny flat. But at least I had the consolation of knowing that they put some thought into choosing it.

I would approach the MLM friend privately and ask if you can return this rather than have it go to waste. Even if she says no it might make the group think twice about such a thoughtless gift in future.

@Bluntness100

Well there is one thing this thread proves. For many people it really isn’t th thought that counts.

It depends what "thought" you mean? Does this phrase mean that it should only matter that they have thought about you at all to buy a gift? Surely some thought should actually go into buying something the recipient would enjoy especially a group gift from best friends for a milestone birthday.

@Bluntness100

Well there is one thing this thread proves. For many people it really isn’t th thought that counts.

You’ve missed the point

The thought does count! That's the point.

The thought in this case was "I need to hit my sales targets".

Yes, it wasn't a present for you, it was a present for whichever friend is the bizniz hun. I wonder what your other friends think about this and which one organised the present...hmm.
I've read about end of year presents for teachers where all the parents have chipped in money only for the organiser turn out to be a hun and the gift be a younique or some other MLM hamper. Mortifying all round. Toxic.

Bluntness100 Yes, of course it's the thought that counts. That's exactly what the OP was disappointed about (and why most posters are agreeing with her): THERE WAS NO THOUGHT.

The OP's friends didn't appear to have thought at all about what the OP would like. They just got her a generic gift of stuff she didn't like, probably railroaded by one of them who stood to get commission from it.

They spent quite a lot of money. But that's not the point. The whole point is that there was no thought... and that's what counts.

Hard to see how you have managed to misunderstand this, really.

You're not being unfair. It was unfair of the Tropic seller to take advantage of your birthday to sell her products. Really unfair. The others may just have gotten swept up in it all.
If it were me, I would have a heart to heart with them and plainly, honestly say that the products are not for you and would they mind if you change them. They probably won't, except for Tropic lady, who'll lose a sale. But honesty is the best policy, for me.

But there was thought, the op states she has not told any of them she doesn’t like the stuff, clearly they like it and thought she would too. It’s cruelty free skin care and make up.

If she said I don’t use any form of skin care or make up, then fare enough, she’s just irked because it’s what her friend sells and I’m not too sure she even likes the person who sells it to be honest, which could be the crux of the issue, however she has hid this from the others.

Please read what the OP writes. She was very clear that she likes the friend.

It's makeup and skincare from a brand she doesn't use, when she's not especially into beauty stuff and has temperamental skin with a tried and tested regime which works for her.

It's generic and impersonal, and clearly suggested by the Tropic bot who stands to gain by it. Not thoughtful in any way.

She has a number of interests and hobbies that they know about and the group has previously clubbed together to get presents tailored to the recipients' interests (including the OP's, in previous years).

They've known her well for nearly 30 years. Long enough to know what she's into and what she's not... if they thought about it.

This gift is the opposite of thoughtful.

P. S. I think it's fairly clear that the OP does like the person who sells it:

ironically, despite the clear influence of my Tropic friend here, she’s the one who I can absolutely rely on to have my back where it counts. We’ve supported each other through some really tough times and I wouldn’t want to be without her. For that reason, even though the present was irritating, it’s such a small thing in the scheme of our friendship that I won’t hold it against her.

But there was thought, the op states she has not told any of them she doesn’t like the stuff, clearly they like it and thought she would too. It’s cruelty free skin care and make up

Every so often a PP surreptitiously plugs the products. it's certainly a good reverse tactic to get more publicity for the company. I read the Daily Mail article and a lot of the comments on that were similar. So many defending MLMs and expressing their love of this particular company. ( as well as many negative comments too)
The article has been read widely now clearly, and I wonder if any of the friendship group that met for the picnic and presented the OP with this gift have seen the article now?

Finkelbraun, you’re highly invested here in her present..

Which is more than you can say for her friends, Bluntness...

The gift was a bit thoughtless. I know my friends made a fuss of special birthdays. We would usually say she into x and plan around what she likes not some crappy gift.

@Bluntness100 a lot of us are interested in the conduct of multilevel marketing companies (pyramid schemes brought within the law by the addition of product, but in reality largely operating outside the current rules). Because of the way the business model is structured and because of the culture of this kind of pay to play scheme, the behaviour of individuals moves away from the accepted social norms and they start to monetise friendships and follow particular ways of behaving and reject loved ones who question their conduct, in a similar way to how people behave in closed groups and cults. This is an example of that shift in behaviour - the group of friends have been persuaded by the MLM friend to give her money towards a gift. Using that money she has purchased Tropic products and gained herself commission on her sales to those other friends in the group and fulfilled her minimum purchasing requirements which will benefit her further. This is apparently at odds with her previous behaviour before she was involved in MLM and it demonstrates what MLM does to people’s moral compass. The OP knows that her birthday has been used as an advancement opportunity and that leaves a bad taste. I think the investment/interest in this thread is by people who are aware of this industry and recognise the pattern of behaviour. As a stand alone act I can see it wouldn’t register if one isn’t familiar with MLM. On the surface it’s just a friend organising an expensive group present. Perhaps you’re not familiar with MLM or perhaps you’re very familiar and are involved in MLM yourself and keen to focus on the OP’s ‘ungratefulness’ or the Tropic friend’s ‘kindness’?

Here’s another example of MLM behaviour: a relative of mine has been “supporting the NHS” by getting people to buy product from her for her to give to the local hospital ward:
Nurses get hand creams
my relative gets a percentage of each sale she makes to a’donator’
My relative gets a cut of those below her on what they buy to sell to ‘donators’
The Utah based company gets their usual profit from each purchase by a ‘donator’ (they gain the most financially).
The “donators” pay £20 for a hand cream but the value of their donation is a tiny fraction of that.
The Utah based company gets to look charitable whilst making a better profit.
The bona fide charities see less money due to this kind of sleight of hand

So is this simply supporting the NHS or is something else going on?
Is the OP’s example simply buying a nice present or is something else going on?

That’s horrendous, @YouokHun. But do people realise that they are paying for just one hand cream with their £20 donation?

Yes they think they’re buying a really special item which will be donated to a good cause @auntieElle. What they don’t realise is that the MLM probably keeps about £16 of that as they sell them at such a high price to the distributor. Lots of MLMs have been doing this throughout Covid19; Arbonne, Tropic, Body Shop, Avon, FM World. If you look back in local FB buy/sell and community pages during the height of lockdown you’ll spot the posts. They usual say “I’m looking for people to sponsor products to say thank you to (insert good cause). Forever Living did this with their cancer care packs. Breast cancer is lucrative stuff Hun!

These sort of examples are why I can’t take any MLM rep’s behaviour at face value.

Absolutely grim, @youokhun. I had no idea.