Not stylish AT ALL but I have finally found a housecoat after months of searching. I have a white cat with longish fur and a black cat so everything I wear in the house is instantly a cat fur magnet and I have spent a fortune on sticky rollers and invariably go out looking like a furry mess....lovely.
I had given up hope of ever finding one. I remember my grandmother wearing one round the house. She was incredibly stylish and well dressed and would never have exposed her nice clothes to children, animals or housework but would take it off if she was going out or expecting visitors.
I think they are due for a comeback 😀

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09RPX62RS/ref=syn_sd_offsite_mobileweb_50?ie=UTF8&psc=1&aref=z12Im60v0s&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zZF9vZmZzaXRlX21vYmlsZXdlYg&tag=dradisplay0bb-21&th=1

Long time reader, first time poster and nc as really don’t want to be identified by anyone I know in rl.
I'm early 50s, dh is a bit older.
struggling through menopause, but trying hard to stay well both physically and emotionally.
But I’m missing sex with my dh. His sex drive has gone, I still want it and I’m sad it feels like that part of our relationship is over.
We talk, he’s had all the health checks for us to know it’s nothing to worry about. Testosterone is still higher range so no help by having that prescribed. Tried the little pills which work a bit…but it’s just the desire to take them or do anything is not there. Says he enjoys it when we do. But I’m left wanting more. I swing between wanting it but being disappointed (ed cuts things short) and forcing myself to shut down and not think about it. Very occasionally when we have had sex over the last couple of years it’s been great but I’m left wanting it more the next day/week but then we don’t do anything. So I cut myself off, I surpress my desire so that I’m not disappointed but that makes me distant, sad, no intimacy at all leaves me feeling unwanted, unattractive. Just bloody miserable.
I can’t pressure him to want it more- that’s not fair on him, besides which- extra pressure equals even worse performance! He wants to make me happy but I want what we had and I’m never going to have that again, it’s like mourning.
I read the threads about mismatched libido searching for answers and never finding them.
I don’t want anyone else, just him. We love each other very much but I miss the connection and togetherness that being intimate brings. I’m struggling to find another way to feel that.
I can’t find that balance I need to be happy.
Am I alone? Do other people experience this? Do I just have to wait until my libido buggers off as well? Any wise words for me?

Hi just registered to get some insight tbh..

so I have been with my wife for 11 years married for 2 we both had children when we met and we all live together and have done for 9 years or so..I would like to know if I’m being unreasonable so here it goes..

having 4 children in the house is always hard work and being a STEP PARENT for both me and my wife can be challenging but we get through it..however this is causing massive rows..so we have rules in general,usually the kids go up stairs at 8.30pm and do whatever play games watch tv chill I’m not too fussed as long as they are quiet enough and then I say own rooms like 9.30pm.. I also set rules like if you want a cup of tea or anything it’s before 8.30pm. Obvs there’s times when it’s different due to circumstances..and here’s the issue..I believe our oldest is doing things on purpose to make me and my wife argue..she will come down at like 9pm and stuff and ask for a tea and say she forgot the time or do something that’s will trigger a debate with me and my wife..if this does cause a stir she will then do something else out side of this time frame and for me it’s because she knows we will row…I have tried to speak to my wife about this and stated she has all day to do these things and we all know the time frames we are living by and it seems that she’s doing it knowing we will row..and I just get called an idiot..she just went and ran a bath the other day and gone 9pm and I got annoyed me and my wife debated and I said now she sees we argued just see the upcoming days she will do things.. and today she came asking for a sandwich at like 9pm.my wife moans at me saying you don’t choose when your hungry she’s growing and maybe she just wants a bath..and I don’t disagree but it feels like she does these things on purpose knowing the rules and knowing we will disagree and my point is the others should just come down for things when they feel like it too then but apparently that’s not the case..just to clarify my kids are well loved and looked after and fed I just believe rules should be in place to keep a form or order and it seems she does it on purpose she’s 14 years old..
They also come and ask for something to eat throughout the days and I make judgment if they can have it depending on dinner time or whatever
im also told in a debate today other people’s kids don’t even have to ask for something to eat..but then they would raid the place and there be nothing left…So am I unreasonable for being annoyed by this should it be ok ..am I being too harsh..and should they just get what they want when they are hungry.

also am I unreasonable for thinking it’s done on purpose.

I don’t want to fight with my wife or kids I love them all 😊

I mean those of us in our late 30s/40s and beyond, in a long term relationship/ marriage and in the small child era. What is your secret? Clearly if you’re reading this age 22 and have been with your boyfriend for a year you don’t need a secret 😅

I don’t have a bad marriage (but it’s not wildly great either) but after 15 + years together and 2 invasive and whiny children under 5, the chemistry is zero. There is no passion. I want it back but it just feels like there’s so much “STUFF” between us, we have no privacy from the kids, it’s a buzz kill for me. I simultaneously want to switch off, completely let go and lose all the thoughts in my head but can’t and I’m so uptight, and so bored and frustrated all at once. 😮‍💨 is this inevitable or has anyone managed to keep the passion alive?

Long story short, I’ve had my current number for years and there’s a bit of emotional baggage attached to it now due to family boundary issues / people having access to it who I don’t really want having access anymore (posted about the situation a few days ago).

I’d already been considering changing it, but every replacement number EE offered me felt worse than my current one, so I kept saying no.

Today they offered me a “gold/VIP” number with triple 7s in it that I genuinely really like and would actually prefer to my current number. Problem is, it costs £102.

I know logically it’s “just a phone number” but equally people keep numbers for years and years, and if I’m going to go through the faff of changing it, I almost feel like I’d rather do it properly and actually like the new number.

Part of me thinks “life’s short, just get the number you want.”

Another part thinks “£102 for digits is objectively insane.”

AIBU?

Just started chemo tablets I have been given metoclopramide but I’ve take as prescribed but Im quite sick… any suggestions? Thank you. 🙏

My husband is a great man, good husband, good around the house, great with the kids etc. He is very close to his siblings and parents which I honestly think is fab.

I get on fine with my family but we are not close. We grew up in a very private family where nobody could know our business and I was always stressed out trying to make sure that I didn't accidentally let something slip. My.mum was constantly telling me 'dont tell such-and-such this' and "if anybody asks, tell them xyz".

I never, ever ask my kids to keep secrets but at the start of our relationship would tell me husband what he could and couldnt tell anyone. He told me it stressed him out and so I stopped doing that because I realised that I was repeating a pattern of burden and putting it onto him.

However, I don't fully trust my husband and keep a lot to myself. Anything personal to me that I do not want to be repeated, I have to be very specific that he cannot tell anyone. I still have my doubts and just cannot be fully vulnerable with him unless I am really upset about something. Most of this is childhood trauma stuff.

Anyway I know that my mother in law tells everyone's business. I know all about my siblings-in-laws' lives, their kids, their problems, and as someone who was so guarded growing up, this is horrible.

Anyway recently, one of our older children (late primary) gor into very big trouble in school. It was very upsetting and while we supported the school and followed through on co sequences at home, I feel like i owe my child their privacy and that for their sake, I want this to be known by as few people as possible. It is not that I am ashamed. I'm not. But I value my child's right to be able to forget about it. It was a very sensitive issue and I just heard my husband on the phone to his mum giving him an update in a way which suggested that he has been keeping her updated.

On one hand, its his mum and he has a right to discuss his children with his family. On the other hand, its my child too and I value privacy and the right to not have everyone talking about you. I know far too much about my husband's nieces and nephews for example.

Is this me projecting my childhood or is my husband out of order for repeating every little thing back to a family who will share the news over dinner?

Aibu for feeling really uncomfortable with this? Am happy to be told that I am but dont want a big argument or to make things weird with him and his family.

I recently got Invisalign and am now paying off the 5k debt! I am really happy with my teeth. I hated them before I and I do feel more confident.

However, they were done pretty quickly as my dentist told me to start changing them every week and I had no refinements at the end. although I am happy as they are so much better then before, I just don’t know if they were completely finished or could have done with some more time.

ive had wires put on top and bottom so I can’t go back to my trays. I am in the process of whitening which will make them look better and I am considering composite but I can’t justify more money on them right now.

they do feel inline, maybe a couple teeth are millimetres out, but they just look a bit messy still? Or am I being anal!? It’s just a lot of money when they aren’t perfect.

thanks for reading!

I have 4 weddings to go to this summer, so I’m looking for a dress that I can wear to all of them.
I’ve fallen in love with this one, but is it too white/cream: https://www.theoutnet.com/en-gb/shop/product/zimmermann/dresses/midi-dresses/floral-print-lace-paneled-cotton-voile-midi-dress/46376663162888639

I wouldn’t choose white or cream accessories, and for the church wedding I’d wear a sage coloured jacket with it.

It definitely isn’t bridal, but is it still too white?

If you had to provide snacks in a rented home for 4 days for 30 people and wanted them to be really inexpensive what would you choose?

Context: family rental for 4 days in October the cost covered by the invitees.

We have been allocated snacks for 4 days as our contribution and we are trying to disguise that we have a very very small budget. Financially we are really struggling. The exact brief was a 'snack basket for each room'

There are three main meals a day, but from seeing what people are planning for these some are really light. Yogurt and fruits for breakfast and sandwiches for lunch. We are in charge of the snacks so expect people maybe hungry.

Looking for really cheap and filling snacks. We have more time than money so we can shop from multiple stores.

What sort of budget should we set aside and what would you recommend?

I genuinely did not understand before how much mental energy it can take. You spend years being told to “eat healthy”, “move more”, “it’s just calories in versus calories out”, and then suddenly your body seems to change the rules without informing you. You can eat what feels like practically nothing and still gain weight from one takeaway, one dessert, one slightly normal weekend. Meanwhile people around you are saying “just be in a calorie deficit” as if you have not already reduced everything enjoyable.

It is not even vanity for many women. It is the exhausting feeling that maintaining your weight now requires permanent restriction and hypervigilance. You start mentally calculating every handful of nuts, every spoon of oil, every piece of bread, because the margin for error feels tiny.

What makes it worse is how invisible it is. Menopause is discussed in terms of hot flushes and periods stopping, but less about the sheer frustration of feeling your metabolism and body composition shift while being expected to behave as though nothing has changed.

Yes I exercise and I do weight training as well.

I know weight gain is not the worst thing in the world, but the constant mental negotiation around food can become draining. Sometimes it feels like menopause means your body now demands lifelong restraint just to stay the same size.

I know it is not like this for ALL women.

Hi

We've been trying to convince just done a test and confused if this is positive or evaporation lines? The line came up within a few minutes

I struggle with anxiety so probably overthinking it but a week ago this red mark appeared on my arm , which is painless and not caused by anything obvious. I assume it's a mole it has become a bit crusty on top but just seems to be one colour and has appeared from what seems to be nowhere. Please can anyone reassure me that it looks innocent and I should just relax or am I being reasonable to think that it may need checking out?

Just looking at booking a last minute holiday… with Jet2 to Ibiza on Saturday.

and got through to the select seats bit, and there are no seats available for me and my daughter to be next to each other… which is expected I guess, it’s last minute. But what happens now.

I phoned up jet 2 and they said at airport they will move people who have already checked in, and received free seats next to each other.

does anyone have any experience in this?

Generally feel like I have a point but dh thinks not.

We are currently at haven seton sands for a 3 night break which cost us just under 800 pound ( that includes 25 so we can choose our check in time)

We booked a seaview gold caravan but feel like it's definitely not worth the extra pounds especially when other caravans have s better view. If we booked just a gold caravan ot would have been cheaper.

Aibu to Ask for a refund between a seaview gold and a gold caravan?

Im with a group of mum friends at a food court. We all go off to different kiosks. Order our food. We find an available table.

I order from a Thai cuisine, a noodle dish and some chips for the little one.

I pick up the food, put toddler in highchair, put the chips infront of her. I’m about to take my first serving of noodles and baby kicks the chips all over the floor.

The chips cost £5. One of the mums says that it’s been less than 5 mins and they didn’t touch the chips, I should be able to ask for a replacement.

So I go to the kiosk, politely explain that I was just here and the baby annoyingly dropped all the chips. I show them the picture (we are sitting on the other end of the food court).

They say no. But I plead a little bit - I do have a soft voice so I’m being nice. Then they go on and on about how every mum will be asking for freebies. I should pay for another one. And I should go to another one of their stores who would provide me free chips.

Turns out she was also the manager.

I worked in waitressing many years ago, and honestly, we would have just given a portion of chips. Id be hesitant if it was the whole meal - but a couple of chips for a baby?

Was I being unreasonable?

I’m curious to understand why there’s been such a shift in parenting over the past 50 years.

Children of the 70s/80s were (ok, this is generalising) definitely second to the parents needs. Safety didn’t seem a priority, attitudes toward nutrition are exponentially different to how they are now, we (again generalising) were kicked out at 18, on our own to find our way.
Now parents promise to be the best they can be for their kids, they (we) toil and make massive sacrifices to do everything we can for our children.

Why the shift though? Where did it start? Any clues?

Thank you all a million for continuing to support me, it means everything to me.

I have a friend who I get on well with, after knowing her a few months she invited me around for a coffee adding “just excuse the mess”. I don’t usually care about people’s houses as I’m not house proud myself.

Anyway, it was bad, only saw hallway and living room at this point but the carpets looked like they had a full inch layer of pet hair imbedded into them, the sofas were all ripped and stained with mucky blankets thrown all over them and there was an awful smell. Funnily enough no actual rubbish or dirty pots anywhere in here though. Friend told me to sit down whilst she made coffee 😬 The sofa featured a huge Rottweiler laid right across it sleeping, I looked at dog then at friend and she said “just shove him out of the way” errr no 😂 so I joined her in the kitchen.

Well Jesus this is where it goes from bad to TV program content, there was stuff everywhere - open food, packets and wrappers all over, piles of dirty pots, dog food all over the floor (meat, not biscuits) and the smell was now eyewatering. Long story short she’d decided to use the little pantry room as a giant cat litter tray, when she opened the door the smell literally knocked me back which I’ve NEVER experienced before.

I was desperate for toilet and it was over an hours drive home so I thought I’d risk it there … you could barely get in the bathroom - the bath itself was stacked high with crap, stuff all over the floor, shit stains all over the toilet including the seat. I left it and came out the room to her stood there telling me to go and see the new curtains she had in her bedroom - well fuck me the upstairs of the house was much worse than the ground floor - there was rubbish EVERYWHERE, literal dog and cat shit on the carpets in various areas, stains all over the beds, empty coke cans and takeaway wrappers on her bed … honestly I’ve never seen anything like it.

Now, my AIBU … mutual friend has never been and we’ve been invited over this weekend. She is much more straight talking than me and is likely to tell her straight that it’s a disgrace. Do I
a) warn mutual friend before hand what to expect and to not mention it?
b) suggest to inviting friend gently that she might want to tidy up a bit before weekend - maybe offer to help but this sounds so bloody cheeky to me
or c) YABU - let nature take its course.

You would NEVER guess from meeting friend that she lives like this, she’s very well spoken and honestly I thought she was posh!

I was severly anaemic a few months ago and had to have a blood transfusion an iron infusions and on iron tablets. re: heavy periods. Now taking tranexamic acid to stop heavy periods.
Do iron supplements cause weight gain as have put approxiamtelya stone on since then...

Time for another thread. Spring and Summer releases are trickling out to tempt us AND the advent calendar waitlists are appearing...hope you are all feeling suitably Christmassy. 😂

Thanks everyone who continues to contribute to the chatter and welcome to any newbies who want to join in.

A couple of local charity shops near me both constantly have signs up outside on an A-Board, saying that they are not taking donations. However, both of these have very little stock inside, and are both very overpriced. For example, a worn, very bobbly Primark jumper for £7, and a Boohoo polyester dress for £12.

One in particular is just depressing to go into; I went in the other day for the first time in two months and some of the overpriced clothes that were there then were still hanging there, still for sale. The rails were also pretty empty. The board was outside as usual requesting no donations. There were 5 members of staff in the shop.

I really don't get it; surely it would be far better, and raise far more money, if they had more stock out, and priced it at lower prices for a quicker turnover. I really can't see the shop I went in yesterday raising much money at all, as there's never anything in there really to buy.

I'm sure some posters will reply saying it's a 'charity shop bashing thread', and yes, it is! I want to support charities and want to buy pre owned items but shops like this aren't exactly going to raise any money!

I'm a few miles from Glasgow. Nobody can tell me that wasn't done deliberately to elicit envy.... Well, it worked. I could really do with just the £398 right now, nevermind the £80 Grand.....😆

PMDD help

I’m fairly sure I struggle with PMDD

over the years I have been to the drs several times discussing my symptoms and struggles but until the last year or so (I think when PMDD became an actual thing) I didn’t realise what it was

I struggle to the point that im inconsolable, I feel like a different person, I make decisions I wouldn’t usually make - I’m all over the place snapping at my children, self sabotaging relationships etc

I really need some advice as my dr just seems to think the pill will work?

does anyone else struggle? Or have any advice?

My dd is not coming home from uni this summer, even though the holidays 4 months long. All my friends’ children are; all over social media I see posts about not long until they come home and his all these parents can’t wait. We had such a lovely summer last year - a holiday, spa days , lunches and shopping. I had it in my head I’d get two or three more summers until she had a full time job and would move away.
I was getting so excited and now I feel so down about it. I keep thinking I am literally the person paying for her rent in her uni city and I have paid to make myself this unhappy.