Was Paul Newman, discuss

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

AIBU to turn down a huge huge promotion due to guilt?

posted on parenting thread but still in two minds. Feel guilty accepting a full time role which means more time away from LO - longer days at work with condensed hours.

Single parent so will be difficult juggling nursery drop and pick ups will be difficult. My employer is somewhat flexible but I do have concerns that the nature of the role will inevitably mean less flexibility than I currently have as it is more senior. Commute would be into central London and I would have to ask to leave early on office days - twice a week - as I won’t make it home before nursery closing otherwise.

Was renting but moved in with parents to save. This would be an opportunity to move out and have a place of our own again.

really torn - can’t tell if being unreasonable to turn town, or crazy to take it and make it work.

My DH and I have always left mobiles etc in bag on/under lounger when we go in the pool or sea but I'm travelling for a week with my mum and she thinks this sounds dodgy and that we won't both be able to go in the water together. It's made me wonder if we've been to trusting in the past but I can't see what else you would do? One of those clear pouches round your neck for your phone? I've never seen anyone using one so can I ask what you all do?

I can't stand the heat. I holiday pretty much only in snowy places, some of which get dark very early. I have not coped well this summer. I also have a heart problem that isn't helped by hot weather. It's making me seriously consider moving to Scotland. My mum and dad, in their 70s, are somewhat open to also making the move with us - we are close emotionally and geographically and they wouldn't want to be away from my daughter.

The problem is this. I have lived within the same 10 miles for the majority of my nearly 40 years of existence (aside from uni, and living in Europe 3 times briefly). We have good friends here, it's a nice area, we have a lovely home. A nice primary school round the corner etc. Good neighbours. Parents round the corner. We both are happy in our work and can work remotely. Nothing is technically 'wrong' aside from how hot the summers are becoming. For example, there were loads of local things I didn't go to/do this summer because it was too hot.

I feel sick at the thought of leaving everything and jumping into the unknown. But part of me doesn't want to live and die within the same 10 miles anyway. I feel like I've exhausted almost everything here. I can't think of anywhere new to go any more and I find that utterly depressing.

My partner and I have always loved Scotland. Always. The nature and the space, the friendly people. So it's not an idea plucked out of thin air. It's been something that I've wondered about on/off for years.

Is it normal to feel so sick at the prospect of making such a big move? If I stay here will I regret not having tried it? Do you think the weather (and writing off 3 months each summer) is reason enough to do this? I can't settle on one idea. Sometimes I just think it's easier to do nothing but everything suggests that hot summers are going to be our new 'normal'.

What the hell? Is this from John Lewis . Can someone explain? What are these ?

Hi all. I went on a coffee date with a man today. I had matched with him on a dating site. We had spoken on the phone twice before and got on well. Anyway, during the coffee date we chatted really well for ages. One thing I did find very rude was that his sister phoned him and he took the call! He sat and chatted to her for 5 mins or so while I just sat there. It wasn't an emergency call. He was talking to her about a wedding she had been to. I think he does like me but I am not sure I felt a spark after meeting him. Am I over reacting to him chatting to his sister? I would never do this to anyone myself. Wtf.

I'm currently looking at my wardrobe and what I might want to update it for autumn.

I'm mid50s, 5'7" and size 14.

I'm currently looking at these:

Boots
https://lanxshoes.com/collections/womens-boots/products/edgworth-brown-distressed

Jacket
https://www.marksandspencer.com/faux-leather-harrington-jacket/p/clp61227207?color=SAGE&extid=ps_ps-pla-pmax_ggl_ww_ch__-UK-_-_bau_tier1&cq_src=google_ads&cq_cmp=23464567334&cq_con=&cq_term=&cq_med=pla&cq_plac=&cq_net=x&cq_plt=gp&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=23459513439&gclid=CjwKCAjwtKrUBhAhEiwAr77ZouxSW1TOKd2eot-kyFgHD7u41KdbxQwXep71n0a8z0pK0sj6BWAaWRoCJVAQAvD_BwE

And carrot shape jeans.

What have you got your eye on?

I have 2 dc with my ex (8 and 10) he usually has them 3 days a week and every half term, 2 weeks of the summer holidays and we alternate Xmas. Works well.

His wife has recently got a new job and initially it involves a lot of travel apparently. She won’t travel alone.
He has now informed me that there are 3 weekends he can’t do between now and Xmas plus he can’t have the dc during October half term and there are a couple of other days too that he can’t do, no option to move days as he has to work and is self employed so when he’s travelling with her he’s just not working.

AIBU to think this is strange ? Why can’t she travel alone , apparently she doesn’t feel safe and he wants to support her but she isn’t going to any dangerous countries !!!

Need makeup done for a party but also need a load of new makeup so would make sense to get the brand to do my makeup and redeem the cost against makeup purchases.

I know MAC and Charlotte Tilbury do this. Any other brands? Any reviews of which is best?

After a four week break over the holidays I need to return to Wegovy. I was on 1mg - should I go back to 1mg or go back to a lower dose?
I know I shouldn’t have taken such a long break but it’s so nice to be without the side effects.

Been dating for ten months. Both mid fifties and divorced for some years and both with adult children in their twenties.

Earlier today we popped into a local pub for a bite to eat. I'd just had minor surgery and was feeling huge relief and fancied a wee tipple as well. It was a busy Wetherspoons, Friday afternoon, loads of students and young people. The minute we sat down he could not take his eyes off four young women right in his line of vision. He commented as I noticed him staring, "oh look how she's almost wearing nothing, the top, it's backless, got no back at all" Then looking and looking. I looked around and four very pretty young girls sitting having fun. Yes a backless top. They all looked barely a day over 18. He then said "They look sooooo young. Like children... "

He stared and stared. Not long after they left. I only hope not because of him.

Then he said... "What shall we talk about then.... " He looked very embarrassed as I said nothing. I felt very uncomfortable.

A couple of weeks back we were out in a cafe and a group of girls came in, around 16 to 17 if not a bit younger at a guess. He stared and stared and said "Look at those teenage girls. I can watch exactly what's going on from where I'm sitting"

A few other times he has commented on teen clothing and how tight it is and done the staring thing.

Am I reading too much OK into this?

https://www.dunelm.com/product/emily-metal-bed-frame-1000295082?defaultSkuId=31055771&size=Small+Double+4ft&colour=Cream

Am I being unreasonable to think that the gap between the bars could present a risk to a tween/young teenager, if their head were to become stuck between them? (I haven't measured the width of the gap). Or am I unreasonably stuck in some sort of baby / toddler safe sleeping mode? Tell me if IABU. Teen likes this style.

Clothes accessories cosmetics everything.

Had a bit of time to kill before work earlier so had a browse in a charity shop. Surrey town but more commuter belt than anything salubrious. Shop was a run of the mill one not one of the boutique type offerings.

Nice green and white maxi dress, casual summer type thing, the other dresses were priced around £8 pounds which isn’t really a bargain but as I liked it a lot I picked it up- only to see it was priced at £30. Yes it was ‘Max Studio’ but those dresses aren’t going for anything like that on Vinted etc.

I asked why it was priced so high and the lady said ‘it’s designer’.😐

Probably been sitting there for months!! Where’s the sense in it?! Why have charity shops become so far removed from what they’re supposed to be- a way to shop sustainably and feel like you’re getting a bargain because it’s not new? Yeah I know they want to raise money as well but surely they’d do that a damn sight quicker if they actually shifted stock and not stuck eye watering labels on things.

I’m still annoyed from last week from a different shop as well when my little boy picked up a toy dinosaur figure and the label said £6. We put it back and I told them why but they didn’t care obviously and it’s still sitting there as of yesterday. How greedy to price children’s toys so high. When I was little you could always find a pocket money toy for a couple of pounds and come away feeling chuffed.

Ive heard lots are going out of business and my sympathy is somewhat limited. Serves them right. They seem to be terrified of people grabbing bargains to resell but then they’ve forgotten that some people on lower incomes are using them to buy clothes etc too.

Need urgent advice please because I don't know what to make of this and I'm incapable of keeping my emotions in! Months ago I found the back of an earring on my bed and confronted DH because I'm sure it wasn't mine, he was very convincing that there was nothing untoward going on. Naive as this may sound I don't think he's the sort that would cheat, I don't see how he'd even have the time for it (he works full time and we have 2 young DC). So I chalked it up to the cleaner/something I'd forgotten that got caught up and moved inadvertently.

This evening I have just found half a fake nail on my upstairs landing and I have no explanation of where it could have come from. I've fully panicked and managed to look through DHs phone. I didn't find anything on WhatsApp, Facebook or text messages.

I do not know what to do. I want to confront him because I'm terrible at hiding my feelings but I assume if anything IS going on he will just play it off again. What should I do? Apologies for the rushed and possibly incoherent message! x

I've decided to treat myself, but I don't know where to start.

Firstly I don't know what else to call the kind of bag I'm after, hence "status" bag. I like Chanel, LV, which I know some fashionistas like to sneer at, so please, if that's you, respect that we all have different preferences.

I'm looking for a lovely every day bag, that I don't look stupid with on the school run etc. We live rurally, and didn't before, so all my Chanel and LV with chain straps etc would look majorly over done and I'd feel ridiculous wandering round town on casual shop with one. I do sometimes take my neverful but I'd like something much smaller. Slouchy and comfy as opposed to stiff leather.

What's a casual but still "status" bag that I could go for? I don't like massive gold logos etc like the GG Gucci bags, or the ones with big YSLs down the front. I would like it to be recognisable as branded, but from close up, not from across the street if you see what I mean.

Thank you.

How do you cope emotionally with a sexless marriage when you don’t want to leave (for now)?
I’m mid-40s, married to my husband since we were very young, and we have two secondary-school-age children. We haven’t had sex for around two years.
This isn’t something I’ve only just realised, and I’m not really looking for “LTB”. For various reasons, particularly the children, their schooling and exams, I don’t want to break up the family at this point. We actually function pretty well as a family. There is affection between us — cuddles, hugs, companionship — but there is no sexual intimacy.
Historically I’ve been the more dominant one in our relationship, including sexually, and I think I carried a lot of that side of our relationship. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to initiate and drive everything. I want to feel that my husband actually desires me and comes towards me.
Something brought it home to me recently. We spent time with another couple and the wife is a very strong, dominant, successful woman and the main breadwinner. But her husband is clearly sexually attracted to her. She casually talked about things that turn her on, kissed him, mentioned him always touching her bum etc. Nothing outrageous — just an obvious sexual connection between them.
It really affected me. Not because I want her husband or necessarily want their marriage, but because I realised how much I miss being wanted. Seeing that she can be a strong, dominant woman and still have a husband who pursues and desires her also challenged something in me. I think I’ve always had some fear that allowing a man to be sexually dominant would somehow mean being controlled by him. Seeing them made me realise those things aren’t necessarily connected.
I also have a child with additional needs and life has been exhausting and stressful for a long time, so I can see how we’ve ended up letting years pass while dealing with everything else.
But underneath all of that, I feel profoundly rejected. Sometimes I look at other women whose husbands obviously desire them and feel “less than”. I hate that because rationally I know my worth isn’t determined by whether my husband wants sex with me, but emotionally it really hurts.
I have friends, a career and interests. I go to the theatre, have been going to the gym and intend to get back to it, and I’m trying to invest more in myself. So I’m not really looking for advice just to “get a hobby” or keep busy. I can have a full day and still come home and feel the absence of being desired.
I’m also not asking how to change or fix my husband. I’m increasingly aware that I can’t, and I’m not even sure I want to spend my energy trying.
What I’d really like to hear from women who’ve been in this position is: if you stayed, at least for a period of time, how did you protect your confidence and sense of yourself as a woman? How did you cope with the loneliness and longing without constantly feeling rejected?
And did you eventually reach a point where you knew what you wanted longer term?

I used AI to help me compose the post

Call me old fashioned, but isn't this sort of thing likely to provoke a run on toilet rolls? Couldnt find any other threads on it, but I think there is a "preppers" topic on here somewhere. In any case, what do you think? I'm sort of concerned, should I be? Or has this gone under the radar?

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2026/aug/25/uk-to-warn-citizens-to-stock-up-on-food-amid-threat-from-climate-crisis-and-hostile-states

Name changed because this is potentially outing.

I was at an after-work reception last week. There was mingling. I mingled into a group of four colleagues. All were holding wine. I was holding orange juice.

One of the colleagues - different department, never met him before - asked "Why aren't you drinking?"
I kind of waved my hand, said "Oh, you know, reasons" and laughed. I believe this made it clear I didn't want to discuss the matter without making things awkward.
The guy then said "Intriguing, like what reasons?"

I saw red. I basically listed all the reasons why someone mightn't be drinking alcohol and told him it was inappropriate to ask. I didn't shout or swear and I wasn't overtly aggressive. But my tone was patronising and I took a very forthright kind of stance (unblinking eye contact, standing at full height, no smiles etc.). I didn't give him time to reply, I excused myself from the group and went home shortly afterwards.

Today I got an email from my line manager asking me for a meeting with her and HR people to discuss what went on. Apparently, its a matter of unprofessional behaviour.

I'm not in a union.

I've never had any dealings with HR before. I'd be really grateful to hear anyone's thoughts on this situation. I mean anything - what might happen? What I should do to prepare etc?

Long story short, I was a witness in a stalking case and the defendant was given my full name and address, police have admitted a GDPR breach on their end and I was told it’s gone to the ICO but the officer in charge of the case said he believes they’ve missed 3 separate opportunities to redact my information in court/from my statement and subsequently was given to the defendant.

This has resulted in me being contacted by the defendant who got all suspended sentences and is now out - I, obviously feel extremely on edge constantly and am full of anxiety all of the time.

A friend thinks I have grounds to sue. I’m wondering if anyone here thinks it’s also worthwhile? I’m wondering if anyone who works as a solicitor has taken on similar cases and what the outcome is likely to be?

Dd has been renting with her boyfriend. She has told me they have discussed getting engaged next year. Out of the blue he was bought a beautiful flat in London by his family, and wants dd to move there with him. She would be paying rent for a finite period of time to cover certain costs.

My AIBU is that I feel if they plan to get engaged shortly, surely they should be buying together? We would have helped with a small deposit and dd earns as much as he does, if not more. I’m delighted for her boyfriend who I love, but also want DD to get onto the property ladder.

I'm so bored of the ubiquitous red as a "pop of colour". I am searching for a pair of cobalt blue leather ballet flats, and I saw a gorgeous sunshine yellow everyday small cross body purse. I also have a fantastic fuschia silk scarf I was given as a gift over the summer. Any interesting colour choices for autumn/winter?

I'd say i'm a girls girl, if you call it that?
Enjoyed the company of men as friends more when younger, but had mainly female pals.
Just been for a dog walk around the neighbourhood with my family and ran into a couple around the corner. Any time we do, this woman just lights up around Dh and chats away (have seen her do this with other male neighbours too)
I've tried hard to be friendly and smiley but she's just not as friendly as with Dh and other men, laughing at his comments (he's not even that funny really 🤣) and chattering away, turning her back on me.
I don't know, maybe she just doesn't like me, which is fine, but she seems to love talking to the men, not women. I realise that sounds bitchy, I don't mean it to be, I just find it a bit annoying especially when we walk off and Dh says 'She's so nice!'
I have a feeling she maybe isn't!

Anyone had this or know what I mean?

I know I sound horrible. I know I’ll get lots of hate saying leave him the poor man but I know a lot of women feel the same.
I love him but he just gets on my nerves anyone feel the same? Give me stories / things your husbands do that grate on you like a fork on a brick wall. 😂 I know I sound vile. I’m honestly not, just ughhhhh shudder.