When & Why did parenting become child centric?

[crawlingovertheline]

I’m curious to understand why there’s been such a shift in parenting over the past 50 years.

Children of the 70s/80s were (ok, this is generalising) definitely second to the parents needs. Safety didn’t seem a priority, attitudes toward nutrition are exponentially different to how they are now, we (again generalising) were kicked out at 18, on our own to find our way.
Now parents promise to be the best they can be for their kids, they (we) toil and make massive sacrifices to do everything we can for our children.

Why the shift though? Where did it start? Any clues?

Children gained access to child line and were given a voice to complain?

My parents made big sacrifices for us in the 70s and 80s and did everything they could for us. I really appreciate all they did.
Their own parents weren’t that great so they vowed to do a better job and make their children feel valued.

The people that experienced that kind of parenting vowed to do better?

I think the nutrition thing isn’t just for children. People who are concerned about what their children are eating are also concerned about what they’re eating themsleves.

I think most mothers were at home & so were considered to be looking after their children by just being present. Men went to work so were considered to be entitled to rest. Now, both parents are working & children are in childcare, so parents feel like they need to provide quality time to their kids. Whereas, when I was growing up we were all just in the home together, as a family, by default. No special effort was required. I had a happy childhood.

My Granny and Great Granny had huge Irish families of 10+ kids. Safety, nutrition, health and education was a significant family priority for them. They sacrificed a huge amount to ensure their kids ate well. Its not a new thing.

So many things….

abundance of advice
anxiety
safetyism
lack of safe places to play outside of the home
both parents working
overscheduling of life in general

read paranoid parenting by frank furedi

Nutrition had to be fresh/cooked from scratch then. Processed foods were starting to gain popularity but it wasn't until the 90s that junk food and UPFs became part of the standard diet. So 70s/80s kids were just fed proper food by default.

Now, it's seen as extra to cook properly. 🤷‍♀️

I think it's linked to contraceptive availability.

Until the 60's (ish), children were just an inevitable side effect of being in a relationship. With marriage also pretty inevitable, as women had limited other options. It wasn't that mothers didn't love their children, but few had actively chosen motherhood.

In contrast, today most women have the choice to not get pregnant, or to stop being pregnant if they don't want to be. That means almost every child born is due to a conscious decision to bring a life into the world. Making that decision carries a sence of responsibility to make a good job of it, that situational parenthood didn't.

Education about child development,
psychology ans mental health.
So much about mental health.
And so much information out there all the time making you worry.

Most mothers weren’t at home. Especially in the 80’s.

Way more judgement of parents today

I was a child of the 70s and my childhood was nothing like the OP described. yeah a bit more freedom playing out and stuff but my parents played with us, sacrificed for our education, were deeply interested in us and our friends, made sure our home was welcoming to everyone, did their best to launch us and certainly didn't think their interest in us ended at 18. Most of my friends were the same. Some had shite parents - you could see the difference. My sister and I both reared our children very similarly to how we were reared. There was just more money.

When the 70s and 80s kids grew up and realised how poorly they had been parented, basically.

It’s about 50% who were in work by the end of the 80s & the majority who worked were p/t

I don't think the difference is that children prioritise their children now, but didn't in the 70s/80s; the difference now is parents who think that means pandering to their child's every whim and never saying no.

And yet children nowadays have more mental health issues

I was aloud to roam wild as a child in the 70s and have huge resilience because of it😂.

No, the have more diagnoses and treatment. Not the same.

they do have less neglect though.

Whilst nutrition might not have been openly discussed, there were plenty of baby books and leaflets given to new mothers in the 70s that gave nutrition and other advice (most of which is still relevant today). I don't know if ready meals were even a thing in the 70s but, if they were, they would have been financially out of reach for many. Even now, they certainly aren't as readily available in other countries as they are in the UK.

Perhaps Gen-x parents (and earlier) didn't want to repeat what they felt were mistakes their own parents made?

I think there's also a difference between being child-centric (which I would say a lot of European countries are) and pandering to children and stifling their growth by smoothing every bump in the road for them. Separately, I think every generation seems to stay younger for longer than the previous generation - I have no idea why this is.

The children who were neglected in the 70s/80s decided we could do better.

Our children will probably correct our parenting in other ways. Though I hope no one experiences what we did again.

And yet children nowadays have more mental health issues

How can you quantify that?

That is a very good point.

My DC were born early 80s. I have no idea what you’re talking about. My DC were absolutely a priority. They were fully breastfed for over a year. They were raised on a healthy diet and they were kept safe. Their education was extremely important to me. I never missed a parent’s evening and I really encouraged their academic progress.

When we grew up and had DC ourselves and vowed to do better be better than our parents..well that was me anyway.i had neglectful parents,who my counsellor says were abusive.and I knew from the moment I held them they not going to have a childhood like mine

Its the parents not the years or shift in time.

There is always going to be good and bad parents, i read some threads on here and think yep your the problem not the kid, sometimes i think your child is going to go no contact or very low contact when they leave home.

Im an 80s/90s child unloved unwanted very abusive upbringing, ive not had any contact with any family memers in 23 years, apart from one sister.