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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to find menopausal weight management mentally exhausting and restrictive?

350 replies

caretoshare · 14/05/2026 12:02

I genuinely did not understand before how much mental energy it can take. You spend years being told to “eat healthy”, “move more”, “it’s just calories in versus calories out”, and then suddenly your body seems to change the rules without informing you. You can eat what feels like practically nothing and still gain weight from one takeaway, one dessert, one slightly normal weekend. Meanwhile people around you are saying “just be in a calorie deficit” as if you have not already reduced everything enjoyable.

It is not even vanity for many women. It is the exhausting feeling that maintaining your weight now requires permanent restriction and hypervigilance. You start mentally calculating every handful of nuts, every spoon of oil, every piece of bread, because the margin for error feels tiny.

What makes it worse is how invisible it is. Menopause is discussed in terms of hot flushes and periods stopping, but less about the sheer frustration of feeling your metabolism and body composition shift while being expected to behave as though nothing has changed.

Yes I exercise and I do weight training as well.

I know weight gain is not the worst thing in the world, but the constant mental negotiation around food can become draining. Sometimes it feels like menopause means your body now demands lifelong restraint just to stay the same size.

I know it is not like this for ALL women.

OP posts:
Missellie6 · 14/05/2026 12:07

I agree, I can lose a couple of pounds (assume water) but nothing after that and then even a few glasses of wine or a small piece of cake and I am back to where I started

cherryicecreamisnice · 14/05/2026 12:14

I agree. I often feel faint with hunger but my “meno apron” just gets larger. Are you talking about weight gain? It’s worth remembering that muscle weighs more than fat.

5dollah · 14/05/2026 12:17

I agree. It's exhausting and dispiriting. I feel so much heavier than I used to be but it's so difficult to lose weight at this age. I'm 45 and my metabolism took a nosedive about the age of 43. I'd been a 12 for years now suddenly I'm struggling even just to stay a 14.

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 14/05/2026 12:27

I feel your pain, sister! I did however after struggling with this for a year, and trying everything including expensive PT classes which I could ill afford, Noom, WW, when my blood sugar went up to prediabetic levels, just move to weight loss injections. I lost 10kgs at a low dose, and I'm maintaining now. My bloods came back to normal and I can get back into my entire size 12 wardrobe. I do exercise - weight training/walking/yoga - everyday, and eat generally healthy, but it is the occasional drink/dinner out that used to do the damage. I am, however, worried about going off the jabs, as I remember the pain that you are describing all too vividly! The pain to me was all the mental load - of constantly thinking about it. The best thing about the injections has been that I don't obsessively think about losing weight and what I'm eating/drinking all the time - the headspace it has cleared is actually making me more productive at work.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 14/05/2026 12:28

I am with you totally on this.

I have been a slim, fit and healthy size 12 all my life. Always exercised, running, weights, classes and eaten fairly healthily without any effort at all. If I did gain a little weight, mostly after holidays or Christmas, a few weeks cutting back and upping the workouts and it was gone.

Since turning 45, despite not changing a thing, I have just gained and gained. Going from a 12, to a small 14, then to a 14 and then struggling to get into 14's. It is soul destroying!! Doing all the things I would normally do to lose weight and NOTHING is bloody shifting it.

I feel so aware of every morsel I eat, every glass of wine I allow myself to have, every time I take a biscuit when offered one. And I suddenly feel like I can't. I can't allow myself the odd slice of cake when out having coffee with friends. I have to constantly say no because I am so scared the weight will keep climbing.

The effort it takes when its all you think about is exhausting.

I see everyone on weight loss drugs and I have been so tempted to just say 'sod it' and get some myself but I am not sure it would work. I don't have an issue with over eating, binging, eating 'bad' food, snacking constantly or having too much. I don't get 'food noise' so I'm just not sure if I am the right candidate for them. However, I admit I know little about how and why they work. But I am seriously considering giving them a go.

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 14/05/2026 12:34

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 14/05/2026 12:28

I am with you totally on this.

I have been a slim, fit and healthy size 12 all my life. Always exercised, running, weights, classes and eaten fairly healthily without any effort at all. If I did gain a little weight, mostly after holidays or Christmas, a few weeks cutting back and upping the workouts and it was gone.

Since turning 45, despite not changing a thing, I have just gained and gained. Going from a 12, to a small 14, then to a 14 and then struggling to get into 14's. It is soul destroying!! Doing all the things I would normally do to lose weight and NOTHING is bloody shifting it.

I feel so aware of every morsel I eat, every glass of wine I allow myself to have, every time I take a biscuit when offered one. And I suddenly feel like I can't. I can't allow myself the odd slice of cake when out having coffee with friends. I have to constantly say no because I am so scared the weight will keep climbing.

The effort it takes when its all you think about is exhausting.

I see everyone on weight loss drugs and I have been so tempted to just say 'sod it' and get some myself but I am not sure it would work. I don't have an issue with over eating, binging, eating 'bad' food, snacking constantly or having too much. I don't get 'food noise' so I'm just not sure if I am the right candidate for them. However, I admit I know little about how and why they work. But I am seriously considering giving them a go.

It is an individual decision but I did not have any issues of the sort you describe - binging etc and have also been a size 12 most of my life (with occasional blips when I needed trousers in a size 14!). However, genetics and menopause did have an impact. As long as you qualify you might want to consider it. I qualified as I was prediabetic at BMI just over 28. And, I'm certainly happy about staving off the health issues with excess weight. But, you have to do what works for you.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 14/05/2026 12:35

Yes @caretoshare everything you have said is so true for me.
i did try Mounjaro, I lost half a stone (my target) in five weeks. Put it all back on over a year, I craved sugar so much after coming off.
i went back on for one month recently to try to lose half a stone again- once the nausea wore off I didn’t lose anything but have sugar cravings again
i am just despairing!

PleaseAccepyMyUserNames · 14/05/2026 12:59

I've very recently tried to get a handle on this, after noticing it for past few years.
I have attempted to give up processed carbs and most sugars. 2 weeks in and I have noticed improved sleep, face is less puffy, better mood, and less digestive issues. The food noise is also starting to quieten. My clothes feel a tiny bit more comfy, but I've definitely lost 10cm from my middle.
I've had to accept though that this needs a to be a lifelong change and that health, not weight, needs to be the driving force
Also, really focussing on making suitable foods (ie: veggies, omelettes, legumes, fish, and nuts) my new go to meals.
FFS, when I was young, I just skipped lunch for a few days and I'd be skinny 🤷

caretoshare · 14/05/2026 15:59

cherryicecreamisnice · 14/05/2026 12:14

I agree. I often feel faint with hunger but my “meno apron” just gets larger. Are you talking about weight gain? It’s worth remembering that muscle weighs more than fat.

Weight gain but is fat more than muscle.

OP posts:
Nocameltoeleggingsplease · 14/05/2026 16:03

When I tipped over into ‘obese’ and bloods should cholesterol issues I decided to do 2 months of WLI to start me off. I lost a stone and am getting another stone off myself. I am hungry, all the time, eat nothing enjoyable and have stopped drinking. I used them so I could understand how little I could eat and survive. It’s working slowly but it’s miserable and I’m hungry.

NoYouCantComeToTheWedding · 14/05/2026 16:04

You start mentally calculating every handful of nuts, every spoon of oil, every piece of bread, because the margin for error feels tiny.

I don't do any of that. I eat what I want.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 14/05/2026 16:06

No, muscle doesn't weigh more than fat

Idontjetwashthefucker · 14/05/2026 16:07

NoYouCantComeToTheWedding · 14/05/2026 16:04

You start mentally calculating every handful of nuts, every spoon of oil, every piece of bread, because the margin for error feels tiny.

I don't do any of that. I eat what I want.

Congratulations but you must see from the comments that a lot of women can't?

Disturbia81 · 14/05/2026 16:09

It’s just getting older, mens metabolism slows too but they generally don’t care that they are getting a bit pudgier.

Shuffletoesxtreme · 14/05/2026 16:11

Yep, been doing 16:8, no bread, no processed sugar, no pasta and I have lost 3lb… I’m also very bored with even thinking about it.

Sparrowsandbudgies · 14/05/2026 16:12

I agree. I’m absolutely sick of it. I have complex autoimmune issues and take steroids permanently because of those and the menopause has just been the final nail in the coffin. I’m actually at the point where I’ve stopped bothering to watch what I eat now. I’m 4.5 stone heavier. I make myself go out for a long brisk walk everyday and beyond that I just accept I’m going to be fat. I can’t have the skinny jabs due to my health issues. Fed up with it all but I’m not going to spend my life never enjoying food properly.

ManyShapesOfPasta · 14/05/2026 16:15

Yep, I couldn't shift it at all so I've just got the jabs.
It's shifting, finally

tasmaniandevilchaser · 14/05/2026 16:15

I've just given up and have accepted that I'm overweight. I'm not prepared to put myself through misery every day. My life is hard enough!

I've cut down on carbs and sugary treats. This has hugely reduced the 'food noise' which was stressful and boring, like having a whingy child in your ear all day. I listen to the Slimpod 'hypnotherapy' style audios. I do eat chocolate.

I agree with those who are talking about health. I do eat fairly healthily, it's probably not enough. I'm tempted by the WLI but I don't think I'd get them on the NHS.

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 14/05/2026 16:15

Totally agree, measured my waist to height ratio earlier and even though my BMI is okay, that isn’t because I carry all my weight around my middle. I’m only 5ft tall so that looks a bit shit and also my BMR is low so to lose weight I need to really not eat much at all. Its exhausting

ManyShapesOfPasta · 14/05/2026 16:17

NoYouCantComeToTheWedding · 14/05/2026 16:04

You start mentally calculating every handful of nuts, every spoon of oil, every piece of bread, because the margin for error feels tiny.

I don't do any of that. I eat what I want.

So did I, it was fine for 48 years, but menopause still got me, only two stone but thats a lot on a 5ft tall person.

AmethystDeceiver · 14/05/2026 16:18

Another one who is just accepting slightly podgy! Meh. The alternative seems too soul destroying.

Morepositivemum · 14/05/2026 16:21

I think at some stage you have to accept you’re going to get larger as you age unless as you say you want to become so hyper vigilant it wears you down

its2025 · 14/05/2026 16:25

Yeah can I join the moan too!

I've been a steady size 10/small 12 all my life.... didn't even gain much over two pregnancies - and I know how lucky I am to say that. But now i'm a larger 12 boardering 14, not big enough to consider jabs I don't think.

Of course my weight has fluctuated a bit - but I've always just been able to cut back for a few weeks and the extra pounds have shed.

I tried last year cutting out all bread and following the 800/500 diet and I lost about half a stone - but it all came flooding back on.
I'm currently trying slim fast for the first time in my life and after loosing just 2/3 lbs since February its kind of soul destroying.

Zempy · 14/05/2026 16:28

YANBU

I gain weight if I exceed 1300 calories. It’s very difficult.

Thank God for WLI!!!

lurkingfromhome · 14/05/2026 16:29

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 14/05/2026 16:15

Totally agree, measured my waist to height ratio earlier and even though my BMI is okay, that isn’t because I carry all my weight around my middle. I’m only 5ft tall so that looks a bit shit and also my BMR is low so to lose weight I need to really not eat much at all. Its exhausting

Yep ... I'm just about clinging on to the 'Normal' weight for my height, but every last ounce of my body fat is round my middle and I know how bad that is. It's so dispiriting. I exercise every day, don't drink alcohol (that was another thing I had to pack in at menopause as the effects just weren't worth it), cook good healthy dinners every night, loads of fruit and veg etc etc, but I am also too fond of bread and cake and nice biscuits and there is absolutely no leeway.

A couple of years ago I tried to lose a stone. I followed a plan religiously, led a life of absolute self-sacrifice, counted calories like a maniac, and still didn't lose more than a pound a week tops. So it took 4 months to lose that stone and they were the four most joyless months of my life. Even one cake would mean no weight loss that week. That's the way it would have to be to sort out my shape. Christ, how depressing.