Feel absolutely devastated my dd isn’t coming home this summer

[Lemonmeringue76]

My dd is not coming home from uni this summer, even though the holidays 4 months long. All my friends’ children are; all over social media I see posts about not long until they come home and his all these parents can’t wait. We had such a lovely summer last year - a holiday, spa days , lunches and shopping. I had it in my head I’d get two or three more summers until she had a full time job and would move away.
I was getting so excited and now I feel so down about it. I keep thinking I am literally the person paying for her rent in her uni city and I have paid to make myself this unhappy.

When my kids were at uni they mostly worked in the summer.

for obvious reasons

That’s a shame for you. Why isn’t she coming?

Why don’t you visit her for a weekend?

I think more context is needed, OP. Why isn't coming home? Is she working in her uni city? In which case, fair enough. Or does she just not feel like coming home? Which is a different thing, and needs to be explored in more depth between you and her.

It’s tough but be happy for them that they are learning to be independent. DC moved in with partner during last uni holidays, so I know how it feels.

Sounds like it may have been quite intense for her last summer. Would it be helpful to do things with friends as pp suggested, or find new hobbies just for you? Might relieve the pressure a bit for both of you.

YANBU. I’d be upset too.

Is there a particular reason? And won’t she come home at all, even for a couple of weeks?

She had a job at home that she came back to in the holidays and had also got a part time job at uni which she will be able to do more hours at over the summer. I am upset she’s giving up her home job as she’d done it for years and it was very flexible and always there for the holidays.

How dare she stay away when you've paid good money for her love and affection?

My DS is just finishing uni and hasn't spent long at home over any of the holidays. I'm proud he's made a life for himself in his uni city. It's better for him to be there.

Would you not be working though? What would she do while your out?

I’m guessing she has a part time job and it’ll be easier for her to stay and work there than try and get one at ‘home’.
plus she may also have friends who are staying, she can still visit and you can go and see her.

Also I bet it isn’t all sunshine and fun with the students who do come home. It can be quite hard for everyone to fit in with new routines and their new independence

Thanks for understanding @whiteroseredrose I think it’s the fact that it won’t be like she’s back living here. Short visits are not the same as living at home and just doing normal stuff

What do you mean?

Honestly - it is hard to let them go sometimes but she is doing exactly what you are paying for. Building a life, working new jobs, making friends and being independent. It’s good thing. Am sure you will still be able to have some fun together too. This is exactly what you pay for and hope for.

@Lemonmeringue76 she’s moving on. That’s what she needs to do, and sensible if she can get more hours

You have every right to feel the way you do, @Lemonmeringue76 - but it sounds as if you have a lovely relationship with your dd, and I’m sure that one summer away apart going to destroy that.

Letting them go is one of the hardest parts of parenthood - I know, one of mine lives 8 hours drive away, and another has moved to Australia (though we do still have one at home for the moment) - but it is also wonderful, knowing we have given them the skills and confidence that they need to go off into the world.

It's great that she's confident enough to do this. Far better than having a child that comes home every weekend.

@Lemonmeringue76 it’s hard for you when they don’t follow your expectations (see my earlier post where DC had moved in with partner rather than moving home). But I am happy for them and I am having to move on and accept this next phase (earlier than I was expecting)

That’s what it sounds like the op says

Like others are saying, it’s positive for her to build a new life away from her home town but I can understand it’s painful when you’d looked forward to summer with her. Maybe you can visit her for a weekend, stay in a hotel and arrange a few fun things?

I keep thinking I am literally the person paying for her rent in her uni city and I have paid to make myself this unhappy.

Children don't exist for your personal fulfilment.