I didn’t know which category to put this in! Would especially love to hear opinions from seasoned campers and vanners.
we need to release money for our sons house deposit. We don’t have it all so would remortgage for some of it.
we have a VW campervan which we could sell
basically the financial difference between keeping or selling the van would be around £400 over 4 and a half years.
just writing it out here it seems like a no brainer!
but we do love our weekends in the van. Anyone switched to a tent from a van and kept their relationship intact? We tend to just do weekends.

Hi all. I've got an 18mo DD who is just, a firecracker. She's always called a happy baby by everyone, and she is, but she's also absolutely savage and insane. Everything is a delight and a game and a reason to get overexcited.

Sometimes she gets handsy, other times she throws toys or pulls hair. With us, we don't mind so much but nursery have now put her on a behaviour plan! I never heard of such a thing.

When she started to be like this around 12-14mo we used to firmly tell her not to, remove her from the situation or toy or person, but not over labour the point so as not to give her attention over it. She loves the attention. We also got given a sticker chart and a set of laminated cards with red stop signs or happy or sad faces etc to help her identify her feelings or to know when to stop.

I know all toddlers can get this way but my older DD who's now 6 was never this bad. She's now on a behaviour plan where the nursery tries to track any triggers or particular people but they're not spotting any pattern. They ring us almost daily now with something she's done, and mostly she's not hurting other kids though there have been a couple of occasions of pushing or pulling. She knows how to say sorry and does it well, so understands the concepts of no or kind hands. But the thing is, for her, it's never a tantrum or upset or malicious behaviour it's the opposite- she's just happy and overexcited and misplaces the energy. She doesn't realise when she could hurt someone, she just has this thrilled look in her eye like it's all play.

At this point I genuinely feel like my little happy girl might be the first ever baby to get expelled from a nursery! I half feel indignant because, why are the nursery staff ringing me to check if I've been using the sticker chart properly when I'm at work... she's literally a 1 year old baby who can't speak yet. She's just about starting to pick up single words now. On the other hand, I know she's more demanding than my first and handsy and I'm starting to feel like a bad mum. But I literally don't know what else I can do? If I tell her off even more she just wiggles away or gets happier from the attention and eye contact. She's kind of feral but we love it and think it's just her baby nature and will grow out of it. But is there something I'm missing? Could we be trying something else? Any advice much appreciated! At this daily rate I'm sure they're going to tell us they can't handle her and we need to leave soon!

I’m in my 20’s, mum is in her 60’s.

I’ve asked her if she wants to go on a girls trip at the end of the year. 4 nights in a city in Europe (we’ve not chosen yet).

Would you do this? I don’t know if It seems a little odd to do or if it’s totally normal.

Hi everyone, looking for some opinions as I'm struggling to see the wood for the trees.

My (M40) wife (F41) have a 4 year-old daughter and a dog. We both work from home, me full-time and she has Fridays off with the kid.

We split the household chores as follows:

Me: Cooking / dishes / kitchen cleaning and tidying up, laundry, nursery drop-off and pick-up, bins, bathtime, all overnight get-ups (since she stopped breastfeeding), 3/4 of the dog walks (2 per day), finance management, ordering groceries, car stuff, house and garden DIY, one-off major physical jobs, about half the nursery and school admin.

Wife: Bedtime stories, ordering clothes, anything dog related eg vet stuff, buying things online for the house and for the kid, birthday presents for other children, watching the kid while I cook (we only allow an hour of TV every other night max) or run on a Sunday morning, swim and dance class bookings, other half of the nursery admin

She also tells me she does 'all the cognitive load stuff'.

She goes to a gym class on Monday nights, yoga on Tuesday nights, and dog agility training on Sunday late morning.

We have a cleaner once a week.

I believe we split the childcare evenly in terms of solo time with child.

My question is really - what am I missing here? I feel like I'm doing really quite a lot and I'm always on my feet. In addition I'm responsible for about 3/5 of the household income so need to keep on top of my work (I run my own business). Do I just not understand the cognitive load thing? When I ask her about it she gets very defensive ('oh you're accusing me of not pulling my weight again') and it's hard to have a sensible discussion.

I'm basically concerned I'm being a stupid man and not understanding something.

My MIL very much wants to be the involved grandma who is asked to babysit our children (6 and 2) and DH is very keen for his mum to feel included and important as a grandmother, so we ask her to babysit. The problem is that whenever we actually do ask her, she doesn’t really do what we ask. It’s never anything catastrophic, but it’s consistently frustrating. She’ll keep our eldest up far too late because she doesn’t want to properly enforce bedtime, so we then get back an overtired, emotional child. She’ll let our toddler skip naps or completely ignore routines because she thinks “one day won’t hurt,” when of course it absolutely does when we’re then left dealing with the fallout. She also has a habit of giving treats, screen time, or freedoms we’ve specifically said no to, and generally treats our parenting preferences more like optional suggestions than actual instructions.

So instead of childcare genuinely helping us, it often creates more stress afterwards. Before anyone says “well, let DH deal with the aftermath then,” yes, he often does. But that doesn’t magically solve the issue. I’m still in the same house listening to overtired children screaming, struggling, and melting down, and I’m hardly going to sit there with my feet up while my kids are miserable just to prove a point. Their difficult evening still affects the whole household, regardless of whose “turn” it is to manage it.

The key point is that we are not remotely short on childcare. My side of the family help and actually respect our routines and boundaries (DH agrees that this is the case), and if needed we also have paid childcare options who, unsurprisingly, do exactly what we ask. So this isn’t about necessity at all. It’s much more that DH feels guilty because his mum clearly wants to feel needed, involved, and chosen, and he worries that not asking her more often will hurt her feelings. On Sunday we went out because apparently MIL was sad that she hadn’t been asked to babysit in a while, whereas my mum had been a lot recently. To me it felt almost like she hadn’t had her turn to play with the toys and is in a mood about it - they’re actual living humans!

Childcare isn’t a charitable role you hand out to preserve a grown adult’s sense of importance. She absolutely loves the children, and I’m not trying to cut her out or stop her seeing them, but I am increasingly struggling with the idea that we should knowingly make our own lives harder, and our children’s evenings harder, just to protect her feelings. Seeing them with us present apparently isn’t the same thing to her. AIBU to think that “wanting to feel included” isn’t enough reason to keep using someone for babysitting when they repeatedly ignore how you want your children cared for? And how do others navigate this without it becoming huge family drama, especially when your husband seems more focused on not upsetting his mother than on whether the childcare is actually helpful?

Ds is 20 and has never been particularly close to his dad, a lot of this is due to distance but in 20 years he’s only seen his dad a dozen times but they do chat on the phone.
His dad has another family now and has found it difficult to spend time with him.
However his dad has said he’d now like to come and visit him and ds has agreed.
Ds would like him to come over and see his house and where he lives and spend time with him here but Dh is saying he doesn’t want him to come in and that Ds is old enough to meet him somewhere without him needing to come over which would be uncomfortable for him.

On the other hand this is also Ds home and he wants his dad to come and visit so I am torn while I see both sides I don’t want to make Dh feel uncomfortable in his own home but I also don’t want Ds not to feel he can have his dad to visit in his home especially as he’s never come to see him before and he’s exited that he’s making the effort as it’s only ever been ds going to visit his dad until now.
I feel torn as it’s all of our home and everyone should have a say in who comes here.

So obviously they are all over social media at the moment but they do seem like a gentle relaxing habit I could get behind. Do they actually make any difference to your face though?

Apparently Fergie had a FWB relationship with P Diddy for many years who talked about ‘slamming’ her and said he couldn’t wait until her daughters came of age ! She really is a total disgrace

Someone suggested home dying menopausal thinning eyebrows on here - I duly bought just for men beard dye in a shade lighter than I’d have automatically chosen. It sat in my drawer for months, but I just vaselines up round my eyebrows, dabbed it on with an earbud, left it for about 90 seconds, washed my face, and, in less time it takes me to flows…I HAVE EYEBROWS!

thanks, mumsnet. I feel better

Sorry, I’m not even sure what I’m asking.

I met my DH when I was 22 and he was 38. I had a fantastic first job straight out of uni in finance, and DH was much, much, much more senior in the company I worked for. I had not long broken up with my university boyfriend and he’d be very flirty with me at work. There was definitely no ‘grooming’ going on, everything was reciprocated.

He’s a very high earner and took us on some amazing holidays - we went to the Maldives, New York and the Caribbean all within a year of meeting. Lots of weekends away etc. I thought he was perfect and everything you could ever want in a partner. Which I suppose he was when compared to boys my own age!

I got pregnant at 25 and left work to become a stay at home mum.

The children are primary aged now. Our relationship never recovered after the birth of our first baby. It had already started to sour prior to the pregnancy, but the birth of our first was the thing that really made me realise that we are not right for each other. He’s a great Dad, very hands off but is great with them. We have a nice life, a nice house in a nice part of London. We rarely see each other due to his role. I don’t feel attracted to him anymore.

I definitely feel that now I’m older, we have much less in common than we did when I was younger (not sure how that works). We have different values and just very different personalities.

I feel like I’ve completely lost myself. I’m incredibly busy with three children under the age of 6. I’m no longer on the amazing career trajectory that I was on, and I’ll never get back to it now as I can’t possibly work the hours that I would be required to.

My friends are all marrying nice, successful men that are our age and I’m so jealous. They get to grow and achieve together. Where as in my relationship, DH had already ‘grew and achieved’ and I’ve not really achieved anything. DH already owned a house when we met so I’ve never had the experience of saving up and buying a house with a partner. Our salaries were obviously vastly different, so I’ve never felt equal financially. There is a slight power imbalance due to the age gap. I’ve missed out on holidays and experiences with friends and I’ve grew apart from most of my old friends.

So yeah… I have no idea what I’m asking, I’m just ranting. I can’t complain as I do have a nice life. I just wish I’d had my 20s to have fun and then settled down with someone my own age. I have three beautiful children who I wouldn’t change for the world but gosh I wish things were slightly different.

Meg n Harry giving us plenty to talk about as usual…..

Just as it says in the title really.
Everything seemed fine until around 7 weeks ago. Then out of nowhere my husband accused me of being controlling, saying that over the course of our relationship, I had stopped him doing things he enjoyed and that I had said some hurtful things during arguments, which we were said in the heat of the
moment.
I held my hands up to saying hurtful things and said it came from a place where I felt as though there has been no consideration for me and as though my feelings aren’t worth anything. He often stays in bed on a morning while I sort out our kids who are all still young and I have said I have expectations that he helps out on a morning too. As for the controlling him, I have said to him over the years that sometimes it’d be nice if he would miss football for the odd weekend so we could do things as a family or have expressed my dislike at him coming in from a night out at 5am when we have children and other responsibilities.
He has mentioned occasions from 10+ years ago where I’ve asked him to forego football to spend the day with me after we’d been at work all week and I honestly don’t know how he can even remember specifics from that far back.
We both work full time and I work nights predominantly due to childcare.
Around 6 weeks ago he said he had hit his limit and wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue with our relationship. This threw me into a very dark place and I said I would take a step back in terms of losing my temper when I feel like I’m not being heard, which I’ve done, although he said this isn’t enough. I’m now on antidepressants, signed off sick from work and have a therapy appointment booked.
He has said he is done and is now looking for somewhere else to live but refuses to leave our home (rented not bought) until he has found somewhere. He has turned so cold towards me and acts like he hates me. I go from feeling devastated to angry and at this point feel as though I’m stuck in some awful limbo.
I’ve been in touch with a solicitor but was just hoping others who have been in the same boat could give me words of wisdom that things will feel less dark in time?
Thank you

I am 52 and current have about £1.1m in my pension. Im a company director and can put £60k each year into my pension as a company contribution but I work for myself with no employees and my business is likely to be winding down over the next few years.

I had thought it was best to leave the money in the pension for a long as possible and not touch it but given the tax I will be paying on the income is it more tax efficient to start taking it out sooner rather than later?

I think he might. But who knows. He must know he can't possibly stay until the next General Election. It's very disrespectful to the electorate to not listen.

I went part-time when I had my first child, and my second is starting school in Sept.

DP and I pay 50% of the mortgage and household bills each (before I went part time, and throughout maternity leave, I paid more). I said I would go back to full-time work when DC were at school but now… I don’t want to? AIBU?

I've just had some damp proofing/plastering work done in my living room. To be fair, the plasterer has done a good job and it's probably the least messy (in the house) plastering experience I've had.

However, it emerged during the work that he wouldn't dispose of the debris and excess plaster etc. Doesn't have the requisite licence to enable disposal etc. Very annoying and lesson learned for me to clarify this in advance, however I now don't know what to do!

He's bagged it all up and I can dispose of plasterboard and debris at my local tip, a couple of bags at a time but that'll be OK. However there are about 4 or 5 bags of what I can only describe as balls of solidified plaster. What on earth do I do with these, I can barely lift one of them!

He's piled it neatly outside. I've done some googling but keep coming up with plasterboard disposal which isn't the tricky bit.

Any thoughts on what to do? Thank you.

Long story short we went to Disney couple of years ago - kids wanted to go back so will be going for two weeks in October half term.

Sister's kids are desperate to go, but as a family it's out of their budget. We have a great relationship with sister and BIL, but don't want to offend them (well him I know sister would be delighted)

How do we go about offering, I was thinking probably speak with her first?

My husband has been acting strange/secretive with his phone for a couple of weeks now so I took it on myself to look at his phone. Yes I know it’s morally dodgy but we have each others log ins and I looked at it whilst he was feeding DS dinner (it was charging upstairs).

There is a woman who is obviously a co-worker. I only had time to look at messages from the past two days. He was in the office today. He messaged her to say please walk past my desk again so I can look at your arse. She said she’d be back up in an hour and she will walk slowly this time. He then messaged again (after about an hour) to say that was the highlight of his afternoon to which she replied she knew her trousers would get attention today and sent a peach symbol. That was the last message.

I confronted him straight away and he stormed off and hasn’t come home yet. Said how dare I look at his phone. I have tried to call him and he just declined the call. He sent a text to say I’ve betrayed his trust and he can’t believe I did that instead of speaking to him.

Am I wrong to have done this, I think that if you know something is up then it’s within your right to investigate?

I mean the stuff you mix with water; not the stuff in cartons!

I'm aware you can get it with orange but does it exist by itself as squash, does anyone know?

You know when you just want a good classic salt and vinegar crisp, nothing fancy, no balsamic, no Himalayan pink salt, nothing highbrow? Once upon a time I would never have deviated from walkers, but now, in my menopausal years, I’m a complete convert to golden wonder. Anyone else feel the same or AIBU?

Ive not got any health conditions at all mentally or anything but I've started to get back pain, I've had friends with the same issue but they work in heavy lifting, labour jobs or have done in the past, I’ve never had a job. Ive never had a history of medical conditions physical or mentally or anything, not done any heavy lifts or anything lifting at all, so I was just wondering what it was. I remember around a month ago I was checking at a cash machine if my benefits have been paid and dropped my card then when picking it up, I felt some pain in my back for around a week and it stopped after that but its recently come back, it is only mild but its uncomfortable.

I've been at my job for 3 years and recently raised to my manager that I do more than is in my JD and would like my salary to be reviewed. They agreed and also said they would like to change some aspects of my JD. I was then informed that because my JD and salary are changing I will need to re-interview for my job and it will be externally advertised too.

I have a job interview for another job of much higher pay for similar work, I'm in the mindset now of fuck my current job and put all my time outside of work towards preparing for this other interview.

Any advice or thoughts on this??

I'm so annoyed and humiliated that I'll possibly lose my current job to a better candidate

Hi all, any advice please. My ten year old is absolutely mad about History and has wanted to be a Historian since she was five. She is currently greater depth in History and it’s something she’s really serious about. Is there anyone she could speak to that could give her more ideas and information as not sure who I would go to. This probably sounds like a silly question but every careers fair she goes to she gets excited there will be someone to talk to but there never is 😔

A bit of a whinge really and wondering if it is the same for other people. I find sandals so bloody hard to find.

Criteria
Leather
Comfortable
Look stylish - not orthopaedic or for the very elderly
Absolutely no velcro
Can't have a solid strap across the toes, as I have skinny feet and they are always too wide
Ankle or heel strap needed
No wedge heels
No high heels
Not completely flat either
No toe posts
No studs, sequins or anything sparkly

Realise that is a lot of criteria, but it must be possible!

Buying a new house and after years of a white living room (to prepare for selling) I’d like a coloured front room!
The only thing is there’s a conservatory attached so I don’t want it to seem to dark.

So I thought the power of mumsnet could suggest colours or advice which won’t darken the room.