To not feel obliged to work full time?

[Dariara]

I went part-time when I had my first child, and my second is starting school in Sept.

DP and I pay 50% of the mortgage and household bills each (before I went part time, and throughout maternity leave, I paid more). I said I would go back to full-time work when DC were at school but now… I don’t want to? AIBU?

If you can afford it then no you are not being unreasonable.

I think it’s more beneficial to be part-time during the school years than the nursery years TBH. You need to work out going back full time versus having to pay for child minders / after school club etc.

I don’t think you need to justify not working full time. Stay part time if you can afford it.

Part time is the only thing keeping my sanity intact!

No, and those days "off" are often needed for kids appointments, illness, school closures etc
Fulltime is hard.

YANBU. I don’t plan to ever go back to full time. Too much other stuff I want to do!

No not at all! I did exactly the same as you and I’ve stayed part time now my children are at school. It works for us as a family. My husband works full time but over 4 days so we get a day during the week together too. I appreciate I’m very lucky to be able to do this. I love my job but I love being part time and being able to have a more relaxed working week.

Yanbu, but you can’t just decide to change your mind. This needs to be a joint decision with your partner. There is an element of unfairness too because what if your partner would also want to cut back his hours to be a more present dad too? Would you both working 4 days a week do it?

You need to also consider how it will effect the long term opportunities for your children. Will they need to get huge student loans to get a degree if you don’t go back to work FT? Or both worth FT? How will this affect when you both can retire and on how much? Will it mean reductions in lifestyle or extracurricular activities for the children?

My children are grown up and I still work part time. No plans to change that.

We knew that we wanted me to be a SAHM and even now they are in school I haven't gone back.

I rejigged my regular part time pattern (32 hours a week) into a part year working agreement. So now I work full time weeks but have 7 weeks unpaid during school hols. Works out the same pay over the course of the year. That plus annual leave allows me to cover all the school holiday so we don't need clubs. Would that be an option for you?

I can easily afford half the bills (even part-time I am the higher earner).

If I was bringing in more, I expect DP would want it to go on extras like holidays. He also wants to move to a bigger house. I am happy where we are for now!

YANBU, particularly as you're already paying half of everything, but how does your DP feel? Is s/he happy for you to remain PT? Will it mean a lower standard of living for the family? Or will you working PT actually facilitate a more harmonious family life, as you'll be able to deal with appointments and DC-related stuff on your day(s) off? There are, after all, more ways than just purely financial to contribute to the overall wellbeing of the family unit.

Does your DP actually want to work full time?

There's a very common narrative pushed on MN that every woman should work full time because of pension, morals, etc, probably with the Charlies Angels song playing in the background.

In reality nobody would work full time if they didn't have to. Pension is great but it isn't everything.

Obviously you have to make your own assessment when it comes to your finances and fairness. If your DH is happy working full time while you're part time, I imagine that'll also come with you juggling a few plates such as work, family, house etc.

I don’t believe it’d make any difference to student loans as our household income is already well over £65k so they’d get minimum loans anyway. That’s over a decade away too.

I previously asked DP to consider dropping a day so DC only had 3 days of childcare (I have dropped a day) and he said no. He likes working.

YANBU

Well that’s the issue! He’d rather I was earning more.

Not unreasonable. I'm part time, my youngest starts school in September and torn between working 4 days with a day off for me, or 5 part time days around school hours. I don't want or expect to ever go full time again. I'm also the higher earner contributing more to household expenses, on track for a decent pension and see part time as my payback for the sacrifices I made earlier in life to get a good career and finances in a position where it's an option.

It's a joint decision, maybe your DP would like his turn at being part time, why should only you get that.

That’s for him to build a bridge and get over!

If you match his family financial contributions you are matching his family financial contributions - the fact you do it on a part time basis is not your problem.

He doesn’t want to reduce his hours. He wants me to work more so “we” have more spare cash.

How much housework, childcare, life admin, child admin, cooking, shopping, cleaning etc does your DH do?

Two full time working parents can only work in they are both 100% committed to sharing it (truly) equally.

Otherwise that's just a recipe for stress and burnout.

But if you worked full time, they possibly would not need loans?

The I don’t believe it would make a difference tells me you haven’t done any mathematical modelling or projections as to how it will affect the long term financial security of your family.

Do that.

I’d say he does 1/3 of the housework and 1/4 of the childcare. He also has older teen kids so sees them a few days / evenings, and he does and pays for whatever they need.

I wouldn’t be able to save c.120k in ten years, because DP would want to spend it on a bigger house and more holidays. Plus I don’t even know if they will go to university. I already contribute to monthly savings which will mean I can help out with things like house deposits.