A bit of a whinge really and wondering if it is the same for other people. I find sandals so bloody hard to find.

Criteria
Leather
Comfortable
Look stylish - not orthopaedic or for the very elderly
Absolutely no velcro
Can't have a solid strap across the toes, as I have skinny feet and they are always too wide
Ankle or heel strap needed
No wedge heels
No high heels
Not completely flat either
No toe posts
No studs, sequins or anything sparkly

Realise that is a lot of criteria, but it must be possible!

I bought a tiramisu from a supermarket yesterday. It was maybe 10 cm squared.

DH doesn’t usually buy desserts, he prefers to make them fresh. So I buy for myself and offer him some and sometimes he says yes. I think of them as mine though I’m usually happy to share. We don’t have a dessert every night.

I ate about 20% of it yesterday - it was delicious but it’s pretty rich and few spoonfuls are enough. I cut another 20% today after dinner for myself. I reminded DH we had tiramisu if he wanted some.

Baby was crying so I rushed through the tiramisu and went to settle them. I came back to find the rest of the tiramisu had gone! DH said I had eaten “half” (!) (Tbf he probably didn’t know I had some yesterday) so he had the other “half”. I’d been thinking I was going to save some for tomorrow. I’ve just looked at the box and it says it is 4 portions.

Is it fair to think of the desserts as mine? (DH is very generous with his baking but he’d definitely comment if I scoffed down most of his biscuits or whatever.)

Was it fair for DH to eat the rest of what I thought was my dessert?

Would it have been fair for me to have three portions (one yesterday, one today, one tomorrow) while DH has just one?

Semi-lighthearted. I’ll provide a bit more context later.

I have a bit of a dilemma…one of my best friends is getting married. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 9 months and he has met the wider group a few times. He isn’t really a drinker. He is going to the wedding, and was added to the group chat for the stag do (weekend away in UK, somewhere renowned for drinking) to see if he wanted to go.

He sent a polite message to decline and explained he’s not a big drinker so best he gives it a miss.

The best man who is organising it is the long term partner of another of my friends. My boyfriend has shown me his reply which was to say ‘No issue if you don’t drink, you can still enjoy a few strippers and a brass’. He again made his excuses and left the group.

He thinks this was said jokingly. But I’ve heard enough stories about these trips to know what can go on.

I don’t know whether to mention to my friend or to keep out of it.

YABU - don’t say anything, mind your own business

YANBU - you should relay what was said to your friend

Hi all. I've got an 18mo DD who is just, a firecracker. She's always called a happy baby by everyone, and she is, but she's also absolutely savage and insane. Everything is a delight and a game and a reason to get overexcited.

Sometimes she gets handsy, other times she throws toys or pulls hair. With us, we don't mind so much but nursery have now put her on a behaviour plan! I never heard of such a thing.

When she started to be like this around 12-14mo we used to firmly tell her not to, remove her from the situation or toy or person, but not over labour the point so as not to give her attention over it. She loves the attention. We also got given a sticker chart and a set of laminated cards with red stop signs or happy or sad faces etc to help her identify her feelings or to know when to stop.

I know all toddlers can get this way but my older DD who's now 6 was never this bad. She's now on a behaviour plan where the nursery tries to track any triggers or particular people but they're not spotting any pattern. They ring us almost daily now with something she's done, and mostly she's not hurting other kids though there have been a couple of occasions of pushing or pulling. She knows how to say sorry and does it well, so understands the concepts of no or kind hands. But the thing is, for her, it's never a tantrum or upset or malicious behaviour it's the opposite- she's just happy and overexcited and misplaces the energy. She doesn't realise when she could hurt someone, she just has this thrilled look in her eye like it's all play.

At this point I genuinely feel like my little happy girl might be the first ever baby to get expelled from a nursery! I half feel indignant because, why are the nursery staff ringing me to check if I've been using the sticker chart properly when I'm at work... she's literally a 1 year old baby who can't speak yet. She's just about starting to pick up single words now. On the other hand, I know she's more demanding than my first and handsy and I'm starting to feel like a bad mum. But I literally don't know what else I can do? If I tell her off even more she just wiggles away or gets happier from the attention and eye contact. She's kind of feral but we love it and think it's just her baby nature and will grow out of it. But is there something I'm missing? Could we be trying something else? Any advice much appreciated! At this daily rate I'm sure they're going to tell us they can't handle her and we need to leave soon!

I would like to take my daughter to Africa on holiday. For context, I am Black British and my husband is white. He does not like long-haul flights and is refusing to agree to the trip. His view is that because I visited South Africa four years ago, there is no need for us to travel to Africa again, and that we should choose a closer destination such as Europe instead.
My daughter, who is of mixed African heritage, has never been to Africa and is devastated that she is not being allowed to go.

My husband is threatening to divorce me, should I go ahead and book the holiday?

A friend is getting married in NYC later this year. The dress code is black tie. The venue has not been disclosed and will not be disclosed until the day of the event to avoid media attention as they are within the celebrity sphere (I know them through family and am very much not from this world)
Any advice on something suitably glamorous given there may be a few A listers present and I don’t want to look out of place? I’m 5’7, size 8-10. Budget not really an issue

WTF if going on with jeans?

Why are they all messing with my lady parts? Like literally squishing and smooshing them in not a pleasant way. My poor parts feel a little bruised and chaffed.

1. I’m not wearing small knickers
2. sizing up or down makes no difference
3. this is from m and s pricing upwards (via John Lewis to Me +Em)

Has the COL shortened gussets?
have my perimeno labia grown to ridiculous sizes?
is it just me?

My Man had this emotional web situation with this girl back a year ago. They ended up meeting once. He claims they never did anything. This was before I met him, by the way. I heard around that he would call her on blocked numbers every month since then.

I’ve found some texts in his phone which are questionable. About two months ago, they got back into contact. He was sending her messages telling her that she’s still in love with him, like a lot of teasing on his part. She texted him asking for advice regarding a man, and he went off. She’ll block him, then unblock him, and every time she does, he comes running to text her.

Him: “Don’t ever play on my phone like that.”

Him- don’t ever contact me about another man, so and so. He then blows her up like 5 times.

I confronted him about this. He said it was all jokes and how this is how they play. Yet from the texts, he came off very upset and bothered that she was dating other men.

Fast forward to now, I seen they got into an argument and he called her out of her name, vice versa. Then he calls her 5 times. Kept telling her that he knew she was going to unblock him. Then he sent her three voice memos telling her to admit that she misses him, and how he might miss her a little and care for her a little.

Then I seen that he called her at 3 a.m. She cussed him out and told him not to ever call her at that time.

He later on admitted that he only got love for her as a friend. Then I seen messages of him telling her he has feelings for a girl, that he’s pretty much in a relationship, and how his girl goes through his phone and is cool with it, which I’m not.

Him:
“We homies lol.”
“My girl not even tripping fr.”
“She be in my phone, she seen it all.”
“But you know I got love for you (her full name).”

Yet he just blew her phone up two days ago and called her at 3 a.m. last night.

It seems like she contacts him when she’s bored, and they get into these mini arguments, yet he blows her up and gets emotionally involved with it. I know it’s not good, yet I don’t want to end things over something that isn’t serious.

I was in a supermarket , at the till. There was an elderly couple in front of me. The man was dressed smartly, the lady looked awful, she had greasy hair which stuck to her head, ulcers on her legs, she was hunched over the trolley using it to hold herself up and she smelt absolutely awful, very strongly of urine and body odour.

As soon as they’d been served and walked away a member of staff appeared and sprayed room spray all around where they’d been standing, he pulled a disgusted face as did the lady on the till who then turned to me and laughed. I didn’t react.

I just felt awful for that lady. I’m recently disabled myself and I can easily see how without the correct support you can end up like this. You are so vulnerable. The staff members were relatively young, probably not had enough life experience to see anything other than a smelly woman.

Just wanted to share really, it made me so sad.

I work in finance and this country is on the brink of collapse. It’s spending too much, it’s not growing the economy and needs someone to come in and make good decisions quickly if we are to survive. It’s in a really serious state now and action must be taken. I’vote Labour, and did so hoping Keir would be brave enough to take the hard decisions needed but he’s been a pathetic wet blanket. We need a government who:

1. get rid of the triple lock. It’s laughably unaffordable.
2. reassess the whole benefits system and get rid of disability payments for anything but the most severe conditions, increasing the amounts to those who have these conditions.
3. restrict benefit payments to those born outwith the UK to those that have been in full time work for a large proportion of their adult lives here.
4. Reduce the minimum wage to help companies hire again.
5. Reduce housing benefit. People will have to move to somewhere cheaper or landlords will have to drop prices to what people can afford.
6. Go to an insurance backed healthcare system like they enjoy in Europe.
7. Ditch 95% of planning regulation and get Britain building again.
8. ditch net zero. No one is going to run a successful business in a country with the highest energy costs on the planet.
9. Reopen Scotland oil and gas production (inc refineries) and explore for more areas.
10. Simplify income taxes. Roll income tax into NICs. Give everyone child care hours, child benefit, personal allowance and increase tax rates to pay for this. Stop artificially restricting people from earning more.
11. Simplify VAT. Drop the threshold to £20k to ensure no one has a ceiling on earnings.
12. Simplify IHT. 5% on everything. No nil rates or exemptions.
13. rejoin the single market and customs union.
14. Explain policies better! Tell people how unaffordable the triple lock etc is. Tell them what the single market and customs union non is and why you’re rejoining. Tell people what the ‘bond markets’ are and why they’re important. Tell people why paying for rich people’s child care is much better for the economy than forcing high earners to drop their hours.
15. Probably ought to start deporting economic migrants with no right to stay quickler to throw some red meat to reform voters.

We need a party to take on ALL of these policies and move AT PACE on them. Who’s the party that will do this? I thought it was Labour but BOY was I wrong on that!

What are people adding to the list?

Separately, they are great children and very enjoyable to be around and I love them. I’m a lovely mum to them individually.

Together they are fucking awful. They seem to bring out the absolute worst in one another, fizz one another up into unmanageable excitement and stupidity, have opposite tendencies and qualities (so one is charging ahead and one is lagging behind; one goes to bed later than I’d like but sleeps quite late in the morning while the other is the opposite) and generally are just thoroughly unpleasant to be around when sibling is present.

I’ve tried to address it of course but little if anything has changed.

Truthfully, I feel so unhappy and hate life as it is. I’m overwhelmed and fed up of noise, mess and shouting. My home is tumultuous and dysfunctional. I can’t give my best to either child and always end up resorting to anger because unfortunately the techniques pushed in books and websites have no impact on them whatsoever; they ignore them and me, and then I feel awful. I feel like we’re going to have a terrible relationship.

Long story short we went to Disney couple of years ago - kids wanted to go back so will be going for two weeks in October half term.

Sister's kids are desperate to go, but as a family it's out of their budget. We have a great relationship with sister and BIL, but don't want to offend them (well him I know sister would be delighted)

How do we go about offering, I was thinking probably speak with her first?

Does it depend on the biscuit?! I think the number increases drastically if I’m dipping in a cuppa.

Me and DH have settled on four, but he doesn’t know about the ones I eat before I leave the kitchen…

Just as it says in the title really.
Everything seemed fine until around 7 weeks ago. Then out of nowhere my husband accused me of being controlling, saying that over the course of our relationship, I had stopped him doing things he enjoyed and that I had said some hurtful things during arguments, which we were said in the heat of the
moment.
I held my hands up to saying hurtful things and said it came from a place where I felt as though there has been no consideration for me and as though my feelings aren’t worth anything. He often stays in bed on a morning while I sort out our kids who are all still young and I have said I have expectations that he helps out on a morning too. As for the controlling him, I have said to him over the years that sometimes it’d be nice if he would miss football for the odd weekend so we could do things as a family or have expressed my dislike at him coming in from a night out at 5am when we have children and other responsibilities.
He has mentioned occasions from 10+ years ago where I’ve asked him to forego football to spend the day with me after we’d been at work all week and I honestly don’t know how he can even remember specifics from that far back.
We both work full time and I work nights predominantly due to childcare.
Around 6 weeks ago he said he had hit his limit and wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue with our relationship. This threw me into a very dark place and I said I would take a step back in terms of losing my temper when I feel like I’m not being heard, which I’ve done, although he said this isn’t enough. I’m now on antidepressants, signed off sick from work and have a therapy appointment booked.
He has said he is done and is now looking for somewhere else to live but refuses to leave our home (rented not bought) until he has found somewhere. He has turned so cold towards me and acts like he hates me. I go from feeling devastated to angry and at this point feel as though I’m stuck in some awful limbo.
I’ve been in touch with a solicitor but was just hoping others who have been in the same boat could give me words of wisdom that things will feel less dark in time?
Thank you

I didn’t know which category to put this in! Would especially love to hear opinions from seasoned campers and vanners.
we need to release money for our sons house deposit. We don’t have it all so would remortgage for some of it.
we have a VW campervan which we could sell
basically the financial difference between keeping or selling the van would be around £400 over 4 and a half years.
just writing it out here it seems like a no brainer!
but we do love our weekends in the van. Anyone switched to a tent from a van and kept their relationship intact? We tend to just do weekends.

Have been going a bit mad lately trying to work out my style after a few years of living rurally and losing my way a bit. I really love the style of Me+Em and COS - simple, one point of interest, no fuss or flounces type thing, but although I can find the odd piece that works for me, I’m just too short at 5’2” for most of their clothes. Suspect I’m looking for the holy grail here but can anyone please suggest any brands that have a similar vibe but that work for petites?

Long time reader, first time poster and nc as really don’t want to be identified by anyone I know in rl.
I'm early 50s, dh is a bit older.
struggling through menopause, but trying hard to stay well both physically and emotionally.
But I’m missing sex with my dh. His sex drive has gone, I still want it and I’m sad it feels like that part of our relationship is over.
We talk, he’s had all the health checks for us to know it’s nothing to worry about. Testosterone is still higher range so no help by having that prescribed. Tried the little pills which work a bit…but it’s just the desire to take them or do anything is not there. Says he enjoys it when we do. But I’m left wanting more. I swing between wanting it but being disappointed (ed cuts things short) and forcing myself to shut down and not think about it. Very occasionally when we have had sex over the last couple of years it’s been great but I’m left wanting it more the next day/week but then we don’t do anything. So I cut myself off, I surpress my desire so that I’m not disappointed but that makes me distant, sad, no intimacy at all leaves me feeling unwanted, unattractive. Just bloody miserable.
I can’t pressure him to want it more- that’s not fair on him, besides which- extra pressure equals even worse performance! He wants to make me happy but I want what we had and I’m never going to have that again, it’s like mourning.
I read the threads about mismatched libido searching for answers and never finding them.
I don’t want anyone else, just him. We love each other very much but I miss the connection and togetherness that being intimate brings. I’m struggling to find another way to feel that.
I can’t find that balance I need to be happy.
Am I alone? Do other people experience this? Do I just have to wait until my libido buggers off as well? Any wise words for me?

It's clear that while sections of the immigrants who've come recently have dangerous attitudes towards women among other things, a lot of the serious problems we're having with anti Semitism now stem from extreme versions of Islam which exist among people who were born here. Take Essa Suleiman, who came here in Thatcher's time as a child.

The 2010s had more discourse about the influence of Muslim faith schools and after schools madrasas, but what was actually done? It's clear that in several areas, Bradford for one, extreme attitudes persistent among at least some sections of the Muslim community. Cousin marriage despite the heavily proved risk of severe disability is another sign of this. As is the persistence of grooming gangs in several areas. 

Obviously huge numbers of British Muslims are moderate in their views, and many madrasas and Muslim faith schools are fine. But I think there is strong evidence many are not, and the government must address this.

AIBU?

Need ideas for a birthday gift for 45 year old lovely Sister in law. She works super hard, but likes quick routines. Need a self care gift or something cool to wear. She likes dog walking and lives in a seaside town. She has a well paid job as a director of a company but buys pretty much everything second hand and all her money goes on kids and doing house renovation. She is very down to earth. Any ideas welcome!

mumsnetters please help!

DH and I have 12k worth of credit cards debt between us - this is a mixture of doing up our house and then shoving a holiday on cards because we needed a break after the renovations, by this point DS hadn’t been away for 3 years either. So it’s not overspending- I know where it came from.

I now want to clear this debt very fast!! Within 3 to 4 months, we have the income to clear it down at a rate of 3200 a month. With all other bills paid.

this would mean 4 extremely TIGHT months. No coffee out, no takeaways….. nothing.

i have budgeted 600 pounds a month for food and household consumables such as laundry liquids etc. DH doesn’t believe this is possible!! We are two adults and one very hungry boy.

who is BU! Me or him 👍

Not stylish AT ALL but I have finally found a housecoat after months of searching. I have a white cat with longish fur and a black cat so everything I wear in the house is instantly a cat fur magnet and I have spent a fortune on sticky rollers and invariably go out looking like a furry mess....lovely.
I had given up hope of ever finding one. I remember my grandmother wearing one round the house. She was incredibly stylish and well dressed and would never have exposed her nice clothes to children, animals or housework but would take it off if she was going out or expecting visitors.
I think they are due for a comeback 😀

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09RPX62RS/ref=syn_sd_offsite_mobileweb_50?ie=UTF8&psc=1&aref=z12Im60v0s&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zZF9vZmZzaXRlX21vYmlsZXdlYg&tag=dradisplay0bb-21&th=1

My husband has been acting strange/secretive with his phone for a couple of weeks now so I took it on myself to look at his phone. Yes I know it’s morally dodgy but we have each others log ins and I looked at it whilst he was feeding DS dinner (it was charging upstairs).

There is a woman who is obviously a co-worker. I only had time to look at messages from the past two days. He was in the office today. He messaged her to say please walk past my desk again so I can look at your arse. She said she’d be back up in an hour and she will walk slowly this time. He then messaged again (after about an hour) to say that was the highlight of his afternoon to which she replied she knew her trousers would get attention today and sent a peach symbol. That was the last message.

I confronted him straight away and he stormed off and hasn’t come home yet. Said how dare I look at his phone. I have tried to call him and he just declined the call. He sent a text to say I’ve betrayed his trust and he can’t believe I did that instead of speaking to him.

Am I wrong to have done this, I think that if you know something is up then it’s within your right to investigate?

I’ve had BIAB on for around a year now with mostly only infills. I removed them as I’m wanting to try another salon. When I first took them off they were long and looked ok but over the last week they have broken really low down to the point they’ve been bleeding and sore. Do you think I should give BIAB a rest for a good while now?
do you get your nails done or leave them?

I know, it's unethical and the vast majority of Mumsnet would never consider something do cheap and mass produced. Me, on the other hand, needs something cheap and cheerful to decorate my new place. I'm hoping there are a few of you who can tell me you've bought rugs/curtains/throws that were great value for money. Or anything else home related.

Morning all. I sold an item yesterday (leggings), which came through with a message saying they had let someone buy using a disabled postage method but I could cancel if I wanted. I decided to proceed even though I'd have to go to the Post Office which is why I disabled Royal Mail in the first place.

Anyway, label comes through for a small parcel and it's Large Letter which has just been added to Vinted as an option. The Vinted guidelines for a small parcel I'm sure are for a padded envelope as medium is for items that would go in a shoebox.

I did manage to squeeze them into an A4 envelope and hope for the best but I would advise you to select medium if it's not going to go through a 2.5cm slot!