IToday i’ve realised how much my ds actually posts on social media. I knew he had TikTok and Instagram but not to this extent. I thought he mostly watched videos and followed bands etc but he’s got about 1.5k followers on TikTok and 53k likes altogether. He’s mostly showing his outfits, lip syncing to music and talking about bands he likes. Some of them are quite niche and he gets really into them. There’s pictures of himself too and the odd video talking about how he’s feeling. I just didn’t realise how much he was putting out there.

He’s 14, autistic and has quite significant mental health issues. He’s had a difficult couple of years and barely goes to school now. Last year they were fairly lax about his dyed hair and piercings because he was in the hub for most of the day anyway, it’s a room for the autistic children away from the other pupils. He’s got quite a few piercings already and is constantly begging me for more. The school have now changed their stance and said if they allow it for him they’d have to allow it for everyone, so he’s stopped attending altogether. It’s all got very difficult tbh.

He dresses emo/scene and it’s very much his thing. I’m not against how he looks and he’s openly bisexual on TikTok which isn’t an issue in our house. He doesn’t really have any friends in real life which I do worry about, although he’d probably tell you he doesn’t need any. Social media seems to be where he gets most of his interaction with people.

Some of the comments are a bit concerning. Some people take the piss out of him or call him weird and he’ll argue back for ages instead of just ignoring them. Then there are accounts that look like teenage girls flirting with him, calling him cute and tagging their friends under his pictures. One seems to comment on quite a lot of his stuff. I don’t know these girls or whether they’re actually who they say they are.

He does have an online friend who’s a girl and she’s 16. I’ve actually met her as they went to a small gig together and she seemed perfectly nice, also very scene and they have similar music tastes. So I know not every online friendship is dodgy and I’m not against him having friends online. They get on well and she seems to understand him. It’s the other accounts I don’t know what to make of.

I don’t want to ban everything just because I’m worried, as social media is one of the few places he seems confident and he does get a lot out of the music side of it. With him not really going to school or having friends outside the internet I worry taking it away would leave him even more isolated. But equally he’s not great at judging people’s intentions sometimes and can be very trusting if someone seems to like him. He gets defensive if I question anything and says I’m treating him like a little kid.

I just don’t know if I’m being too relaxed about the attention he’s getting, especially with his mental health being how it is. I knew he had social media, I just didn’t realise how public it all was or how many people were interacting with him.

41 replies

Yet it’s not really enough to live on 😢

My first job paid £7.5k per year and I thought I was loaded! And I’m not ancient.

Now 2 people on NMW earn over £50k between them yet it’s really not enough these days.

651 replies

I am a short woman and am generally ok with my physical shortcomings.

Except for one bugbear. Whenever I am in a public space where there is a crowd, and where people need to get through the crowd, I feel as though I am the gap.

For example, if I am standing in a busy train station waiting my train platform to be announced, I am pushed and jostled out of the way more than my taller fellow travellers. This isn’t because I am more in the way, but I believe it’s because I’m small, so they think I am a gap for them to squeeze past.

It’s the same at festivals, anywhere busy really. Both men and women are way more likely to push and nudge their way through right where I am standing. The taller people around me do not have to move. Sometimes I shift but sometimes I stay planted on the spot and just end up a little jostled.

Has anyone else experienced this? Are you the gap too? Please share so we can moan together!

26 replies

Welcome to the 12th thread, we still have 50 days till the daily unboxing officially starts, although I very much doubt any of our calendars will remain untouched until then 😂
Still time for lots more friendly chat, tips and discount codes - to cut down on links as a poster requested, here's link to some very comprehensive run-downs of the calendars https://beauty-detective.com/category/beauty-advent-calendars/
When enjoying those breakdowns please remember that some are OOS already - Harrod's Fragrance, Harrod's Beauty and Selfridges Beauty to name a few.

Beauty Advent Calendars – Beauty Detective
All beauty advent calendars this year. Full spoilers, prices, release dates and discounts. Lookfantastic Advent Calendar, Cult Beauty Advent Calendar and many more.
https://beauty-detective.com/category/beauty-advent-calendars/
802 replies

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations 😊 .

Here’s some useful information about how to save the thread or a specific post so you don’t need to have a message to check in for every thread so you have the thread saved:

To watch the thread - click on the little bell that has ‘watch’ under my first message. This adds the whole thread to your ‘watched threads’

You can also bookmark a specific post by clicking on the ‘bookmark’ under the specific post. This saves your exact place in a thread but doesn’t alert you to new replies.

If you have any referral links or codes, please share them on the referral thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5577375-bargain-referrals-thread

A reminder that we don't use affiliated links on here please

If there’s anything you think would be useful or good to include in this post then please do tag or DM @reastie (the traditional thread starter!) and let them know.

808 replies

After more than 20 years in education, Ofsted has made me want to walk away from the career I love.

I’m writing this anonymously, and I won’t be identifying my school or the area in which I work. I have far too much respect and affection for my colleagues, our students and the families we serve to risk identifying them. But I need to share what happened to me. Because even now, writing these words, I feel physically sick.

I’ve worked in secondary education for over 20 years. I’m a senior leader, and for most of my career I’ve absolutely adored my job. I’ve never been under any illusions about how difficult teaching can be. I’ve worked long hours, dealt with heartbreaking situations, supported children through unimaginable difficulties and carried responsibilities that have sometimes kept me awake at night. But I’ve always loved it. The school I work in serves a community experiencing significant social deprivation and limited social mobility. For many of our children, school is so much more than a place to learn. It’s a safe haven. Somewhere they are cared for, listened to, fed, supported and, above all, valued. We provide food vouchers, toiletries, uniform and countless other things that families sometimes struggle to afford. We deal with complex safeguarding situations, family breakdown, neglect and the consequences of poverty. As the senior leader responsible for safeguarding, there are days when I feel much more like a social worker or family support worker than a deputy headteacher. And do you know what? I love that part of my job. I love knowing that we can make a difference, even when that difference might seem insignificant to someone looking in from the outside. But it is relentless. Attendance and behaviour are ongoing challenges. We work tirelessly to improve both, but sometimes it feels as though we’re swimming against the tide.

Since Covid, engaging some families has become even harder, and the pressures on schools like ours seem to grow year after year. None of this is an excuse for poor standards. We know we have things to improve. We want our children to achieve every bit as much as children attending schools in more affluent communities. But the barriers some of our students face are enormous. And our teachers? They are some of the most dedicated, compassionate and hardworking people you could ever hope to meet.

Then came Ofsted……Our inspection took place after the tragic death of Ruth Perry, but before the introduction of the new inspection framework. I had been through Ofsted inspections before. I’m no shrinking violet. I’ve always considered myself a tough cookie, and after more than two decades in education, I’m certainly no stranger to professional challenge or accountability. But this was different. The 48 hours that followed were, without exaggeration, among the most professionally distressing of my life. I felt that nothing we did was good enough. Nothing we said seemed to matter. The atmosphere was oppressive, and I felt as though we were constantly on the defensive. My own meeting with inspectors felt less like a professional discussion and more like an interrogation. I was talked over, challenged relentlessly and made to feel as though I was being cross-examined rather than given an opportunity to explain the work we were doing. One particular exchange will probably stay with me forever. An inspector became fixated on the attendance of a deeply vulnerable young person. I won’t share their circumstances in detail because they deserve privacy. But suffice to say that this child had experienced significant trauma, instability and loss.their life had been unimaginably difficult, and simply getting through an ordinary school day could be an enormous achievement. We had invested extraordinary amounts of time, care and support in helping them. We knew them. We understood their circumstances. We celebrated the small steps forward that, for them, represented huge progress. The inspector was critical of his attendance and accused us of having low expectations……Low expectations. I can still remember how those words made me feel. I cried. Not because I couldn’t cope with criticism, but because I was so desperately angry and upset that anyone could interpret our compassion, understanding and determination to help this child as having low expectations of them. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

Surely there has to be room within an inspection system to recognise that, for some children, progress cannot always be measured in percentages and spreadsheets? Surely understanding the impact of trauma and disadvantage isn’t the same as accepting failure? After that meeting, I went and sat alone in my car. I needed to get away. I needed to compose myself. I needed a few moments where nobody could see me. In more than 20 years of working in education, I had never done that before. And I wasn’t the only one struggling. During those two days, I saw at least three colleagues reduced to tears. These weren’t people who didn’t care or couldn’t cope with the ordinary pressures of teaching. They were committed professionals who gave everything to the children in their care. Watching them so distressed was heartbreaking. We eventually emerged with a mixture of Good and Requires Improvement judgements. Not a disastrous outcome, particularly given the challenges our school faces. And that’s perhaps what makes everything that followed so difficult to explain. Because it wasn’t really about the grades. It was about what those 48 hours did to us.

Shortly afterwards, an experienced, hardworking head of department resigned and left teaching altogether. And I became very ill. My mental health deteriorated to the point where I was unable to work for three months. Three months. After more than 20 years of loving my job, I found myself unable to do it. My confidence was shattered. I questioned my competence, my judgement and my professional worth. Everything I had spent decades building, everything I had once felt so proud of, suddenly felt tainted. I struggled with some very dark thoughts during that period. I don’t say that lightly, and it’s not something I ever imagined I would be admitting publicly, even anonymously. I had always been the person other people turned to when things became difficult. Now I was struggling to hold myself together. And the really frightening thing is that the effects haven’t gone away.

Even now, I struggle with anxiety. I second-guess myself. The confidence I once had seems to have disappeared. But there’s something else. We know Ofsted is due to return before the end of this academic year. And I am absolutely terrified. I cannot adequately describe the dread I feel at the thought of going through another inspection. Even sitting here writing this post,

remembering what happened and knowing that another inspection is approaching, I feel physically sick. I simply cannot face it again. So, after more than 20 years in a profession I have genuinely adored, I’m now looking for ways to leave education altogether. And that breaks my heart. I don’t want to leave because I’ve stopped caring about children. I haven’t. I don’t want to leave because the job is demanding. It has always been demanding. And I certainly don’t want to leave because I don’t believe schools should be accountable. Of course they should. Children deserve the very best education we can provide, and schools should absolutely be challenged when they need to improve. But surely there is a way to hold schools accountable without destroying the confidence and wellbeing of the people working within them? Surely inspectors can be rigorous without making people feel humiliated? Surely the professionals who spend their lives supporting vulnerable children deserve to be treated with some of the same compassion and humanity that we are expected to show those children every single day? I think about the younger version of myself who entered education full of enthusiasm, optimism and determination to make a difference. I wish I could find that person again. I wish I could walk into school without the anxiety that now follows me around. I wish I could look forward to the future rather than dread what might be coming. And more than anything, I wish I could feel proud of myself again. Because I used to be. I was proud of my career. Proud of the difference I made. Proud of the relationships I’d built with children and families. Proud to be part of a profession that, despite all its difficulties, I genuinely believed was one of the most important in the world. I don’t feel that way about myself anymore. And I find that desperately sad.

I know there will be people who read this and say that inspections are supposed to be challenging, that schools need accountability, or that senior leaders should be resilient enough to cope with scrutiny. I understand those arguments. But I would ask those people to consider something. What does it say about an accountability system when someone who has spent more than 20 years navigating the challenges of education is now so frightened of being inspected that they feel they have no option but to leave the profession they love? What does it say when dedicated teachers are reduced to tears? When experienced colleagues walk away? When a school leader becomes so unwell following an inspection that they cannot work for months? And what does it say when the fear of another inspection is enough to make someone feel physically sick?

I don’t have all the answers. I just know that something has gone terribly wrong when the people who dedicate their lives to helping children feel this way. I also wonder how many others are quietly experiencing the same thing. How many teachers and school leaders are carrying the emotional scars of an inspection long after the inspectors have packed up and left? How many are sitting in their cars trying to compose themselves? How many are lying awake at night, questioning whether they’re good enough? And how many are quietly planning their escape from a profession they once loved? I never thought I would be one of them. But here I am. After more than 20 years, I haven’t fallen out of love with education. I’ve simply reached a point where I’m frightened of what staying in it might do to me. And I cannot begin to tell you how heartbreaking that feels. I’d genuinely like to hear from other teachers and school leaders who have experienced something similar. Because right now, I feel incredibly alone.

39 replies

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I'd like to get rid of our bath and install a shower cubicle which would free up some much needed storage space in our small family bathroom.

No one in our household has had a bath in years and I feel a shower cubicle would work better for us (me and two adult DC).

The master bedroom already has a small en-suite shower room which DH uses.

But I'm concerned no bath could put people off buying when we sell up in a few years time (5+ years).

Would you be happy buying a house with no bath?

304 replies

I genuinely think this policy (at our GP surgery and I assume widespread) is deeply harmful to patients.

I was given an appointment today with the paramedic - no idea why not a GP - to talk about worsening symptoms (painful, bloated belly, difficulty urinating, sickness, reflux, dizziness). I mentioned that the symptoms are making it hard to know what to take for migraine (chronic sufferer). She snapped ‘that’s a separate appointment.’

The thing is, it’s not really is it? The symptoms I’m having are clearly hormonally driven (worse/unbearable around ovulation) but she didn’t ask about that or really anything about me as a person.

And how do you decide which symptoms are connected to the issue you’ve booked in and which aren’t? Aren’t they going to miss really obvious things if they refuse to understand what is going on with the patient as an actual person, as opposed to a single symptom or problem?

56 replies

We've been together 15+ years, married with kids last 5, I thought we covered all the topics when it comes to values and principles - especially related to the way we raise our children but turns out he was full of it - to put it bluntly.
Essentially, with meeting new kids/parents through nursery/school - I now realise he is very much leaning toward being,well, racist 😔
You would think - how did I not notice this before....well the thing is he was always respectful to friends or colleagues regardless the ethnicity - but now when we discuss behaviour that our child picks up from the nursery from another child - he attributes/explains behaviours with 'well ofcourse this happened considering he is x'.
Then slowly such vocabulary moved into every day conversations about e.g. neighbours - he'd say derogatory things about particular nation based on behaviour of a single person that affects us.
I am just so blindsided and can't stop thinking about how this will shape our children.
How could I have been so blind...or could he had just pretended all this time, and why??
Or can people change their views about something so basic so dramatically?
Recently he started making mean comments about LGBTQ community too - I mean we have friends that he loves or I thought so...
I am also thinking his mum's recent visit may have encouraged him to speak up - clearly these are the values he was brought up with.
I am also ashamed... I am looking at my DS atm sleeping - he is such a warm friendly loving and a smart boy and he is being exposed to comments like this. He loves all his little friends. He was talking proudly about friends he'd like to invite to his bday and his grandma actually asked him what colour is a certain child...she also described a 4 yo girl in the playground as fat.
I am sorry if this is a jumble of topics here - a husband showing true colours years later, a toxic mil, a clash in values, challenge with co-parenting, protecting a child from instilling wrong values...
So is it that I was blind all this time (YANBU) and I just never got to know him - or people actually can just change their core values so drastically (YABU).

56 replies

I personally don't think packing cubes make my life easier for a normal 1-2 week holiday where I unpack after arrival but I have an issue next month that I will be travelling for 2 weeks on 3 locations with limited suitcase space but will be working so I can't just rely on jeans, T-shirts and jumpers.

I am now wondering if compression cubes may be an option for things like T-shirts (for weekends and a casual event), socks, underwear and keep more space for office wear, especially tops as I don't know if I have the possibility to iron.

The suitcase will go into the hold but I can't use anything I need a hoover as I won't have one in the hotels.

Any recommendations which won't break the bank but actually will work are appreciated.

4 replies

Can’t seem to find any grimms rainbows and don’t want to buy second hand in case it’s a temu knock off. Any brands that are tested and safe? Don’t want to buy anything from temu or Amazon knock off

2 replies

Apparently you lot like gunk. The "juicier" the better. I am not a fan, but I've been told that you will bite my hand off for images of my husband's back cyst, with the pus in all its glory. He's now on his second week of strong antibiotics to help remove it and he sees the nurse practitioner twice a week to have more pus removed and his dressing changed. But I have to change his dressing in between times. This is real love.

So I'm doing this for your sake, and for @AMansAManForAllThat.

And you also get a picture or two of his neck cyst that has been drained once, but has refilled and the GP says they don't drain them a second time.

You have been warned.

There are a lot of images over the last month from a red bump that wasn't sore to, well you'll see...

I'm posting this now, then I'll switch to my phone so I can load the images for you.

44 replies

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Dd when she finished her bowl of pomegranate seeds on the sofa asked Dh to go and put it in the kitchen please. Each time this happens or she asks for a drink/snack, he says she should take it back herself etc. I tend to do it mostly for her, she's very independent, always has been, sorts her own school bag, homework, showers etc, but she's still only young and it's not too much that a parent brings her food and drinks, is it?!

Dh and I disagree a little on this

How much do you do for your 8 year old (or around that age)?

291 replies

I honestly dont even know why I’m posting. I just feel like I cant do this anymore.

He’s 13, turned 13 three weeks ago. I know he’s a child and I know how bad this sounds but I hate him. I hate saying that about my own child but I am at the end of my tether and nobody seems to listen when I say how bad things have got.

His dad died when he was 7 and I’ve brought him up on my own since then. I know he’s had a lot to deal with but I cant keep excusing everything because of that. I dont know what else I’m supposed to do.

This morning school sent him home because he was sick. He’s been sick again since he’s been home but he went to sleep for a bit and seems fine now. He asked if he could go out tonight and I said no because he’s been ill and I dont want him going out and then being sick again somewhere. That was it. Apparently I’m picking on him because he’s been ill, I’m always ruining everything and I never let him do anything. He started shouting at me and calling me names. I said I wasnt arguing about it and he got even worse.

He’s shoved past me to get out of the room and shouted that he hopes I die. Just screamed it at me. I honestly dont even know what to say to that anymore. I told him to get away from me and he carried on shouting. Now he’s in his room and I’m downstairs trying to calm down and he’s probably forgotten all about it already.

This is what its like here all the time. I can ask him to do something completely normal and it turns into a massive argument. He calls me a stupid bitch, pathetic, thick, says nobody respects me and that I’m a shit mum. If I get upset he says I’m being dramatic. If I shout back then apparently I’m the one with the problem. He knows exactly what to say to hurt me and sometimes I honestly think he does it on purpose.

I know I let him get away with things. I tell him the xbox is going off and he argues for ages, swearing and following me around the house, and sometimes I just give up and let him carry on because I havent got the energy for another row. Same with his phone. I’ve taken it off him because of things I’ve found on there and then ended up giving it back because I just cant cope with hours of shouting. I know people will say I’m making a rod for my own back and maybe I am but I’m so tired. I cant spend every evening fighting with a 13 year old.

The stuff he says online worries me as well. I’ve seen messages where he’s making really nasty comments about girls at school, mocking their looks and saying things about women being good for one thing. He’s watching these men online who talk about women like they’re worthless and repeating what they say. When I challenge him he tells me I know nothing and girls are just as bad. He doesnt seem to see anything wrong with it. I’ve tried putting restrictions on his phone but he gets round them and then I’m back to another argument.

I have tried asking for help and I honestly feel like I’m talking to a brick wall. He seems to have no limit to how nasty he can be when he’s angry. He’ll say the most horrible thing imaginable and then carry on as if nothing happened. I dont know how I’m supposed to keep dealing with this on my own.

I’ve even thought about ringing social services and saying I dont want him anymore. I havent done it but the thought has crossed my mind more than once. Just saying I cant have him here, I cant do this anymore, someone else needs to take over because I’m done. Then I feel disgusting for even thinking it because he’s my child and he’s only 13. But I genuinely dont know how much longer I can keep living like this. I dont want to abandon him but I also dont know how to help him when nobody seems willing to help us.

I hate what our relationship has become. I dread him coming home sometimes. When he’s out I feel relieved and then feel guilty for feeling relieved. I dont even want to speak to him after what he’s just said to me. I know people will say I’m the adult and I shouldnt feel like this but I’m a person as well and I can only take so much.

I know I’m not perfect and I shout and lose my temper. Sometimes I give in because I just want peace. I’m not proud of it. I just feel like I’ve reached the point where I dont know what to do next.

387 replies

My ILs live 4-5h away, up north.

Dh usually wfh everyday except Tuesday, and i wfh on Tuesdays only. Yesterday morning he spontaneously announced he was wfh and going into the office on Wednesday instead, so I decamped all my stuff onto the dining table to let him use the home office corner, and did the drop offs as I usually do on Tuesday. But we got to have lunch together in the local caff which was nice, a rare child free moment together.

This morning I phoned my MIL because I wanted to tell her about something to do with DS, and also check that DH had told her about our Christmas plans. She says "oh he mentioned briefly, but I'll be seeing him later anyway". "What, seeing Ben? Today?" Yes, she says she's just getting on the tube on her way to lunch with him, didn't he mention it? Er, no he didn't... She says she's only in London for lunch. Because she barely gets any time alone with him.

What has thrown me is a) why wouldn't he mention that is mum is doing a lovely but eccentric 9h round trip just to have lunch with him, why keep that a secret and b) we are visiting the ILs for half term soon, so surely lots of opportunities for chats?

I texted dh "why didn't you tell me you were seeing your mum for lunch today" and he replied he didn't want to mention it in front of the kids because they'd be sad not to see Granny themselves. But we had loads of child free time yesterday, and he didn't think to mention it, he just made small talk about diesel and the weather and the Holborn by election. No "oh by the way im seeing my mum tomorrow". If he had, id have replied "ah that's so nice of her, don't forget to mention Christmas".

I feel like they both think that I keep him a prisoner or something? He goes out to see his mates of an evening sometimes, and he has lunch with various people, I never stop him from any of that or even ask questions about who he sees, there was no need to keep it a secret.

I now don't want to go up north for half term, I wish he'd just go alone with the kids if I'm so in the way. But the kids would miss me, DS is only 2.

I'm a bit upset, please talk me out of this, mumsnet

392 replies

I'm a single mum to a young boy who is autistic and non-verbal. My sister is my closest and only family member, and she has a daughter herself.
I've asked whether my son and I could spend some time with them on Christmas Day, but she's refused and said she'll see us on Boxing Day instead.

For context, my sister's partner absolutely hates me. Last year, I contacted social services after he was physically violent towards her, including strangling her. Ever since, he's held this against me and doesn't want me in their home.

My sister is still with him. She says she's spoken to him extensively about us spending Christmas together, but he refuses. Her response is that he lives there too, so it's his decision as well.
I appreciate that it's his home too and that my sister has offered Boxing Day. I also understand that she may be in a difficult position.

However, I'm incredibly hurt. My son and I don't have a large family network, and the thought of spending Christmas Day just the two of us while my sister, niece and her partner celebrate together makes me feel incredibly unwanted and excluded.

I'm not asking to spend the entire day there. Even a couple of hours together would mean a lot to me.

What hurts particularly is that I feel I'm being punished for raising concerns about my sister's safety. I would never dream of leaving her and my niece without family on Christmas Day if the situation were reversed. I've told her how hurt I am, but nothing has changed.

I genuinely want some objective opinions because I know emotions are involved.

AIBU to expect my sister to make more of an effort to include us, or am I being unfair given that it's also her partner's home and she's offered Boxing Day?

143 replies

Me and my partner have been together 2 years and living together since January. I have a DD12 and he has a DD14 and DS9 who come every other weekend. We don’t have any children together.

The problem is food basically. His two are quite fussy which I do understand, his DD won’t eat gravy or most veg and his DS will only eat chicken if its plain, pasta with nothing on it etc. At first I just used to make them something else as I didn’t want them sitting there with nothing they liked. It wasnt a big deal when it was occasional but now its every time they come.

So yesterday I did a roast, nothing fancy just chicken, potatoes, carrots and broccoli. I’d been at work in the morning and honestly couldn’t be bothered with anything complicated. They both said they didn’t want it and asked what else there was. I said well this is dinner, you can have the bits you like and leave what you dont, or your dad can make you something else if you really don’t want it.

My partner was really annoyed with me afterwards. Said I was making them feel unwelcome and that I always make things my DD likes so why should his children be any different. I said my DD eats what we have most of the time, she might not like everything but she doesn’t expect me to cook her a completely different dinner. He said she’s older than his DS and knows what she likes so its not the same thing.

Anyway he ended up making them beans on toast which they were perfectly happy with. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want another argument in front of them but apparently that was even worse because it made him look like he had to sort his own children out while I sat there eating my dinner.

I do feel a bit bad because I have always made them alternatives before and now suddenly I’m not. I dont dislike them, we get on alright and I don’t expect them to eat stuff they hate. But I work too and I do most of the cooking anyway, and I don’t think its unreasonable for their dad to make them something if they don’t want what everyone else is having.

He says they are only here 4 nights a month and I could make the effort. I said if its that important then he can make the effort as well.

AIBU to stop making separate meals or am I being unfair to them? I genuinely can’t tell now.

434 replies

I'm looking for a corduroy dress, probably button through, preferably elbow length sleeves, just above knee length. It needs to be a petite fit ideally- I'm 5ft 1 and size 16. I've tried a couple from Next - a green one from m&co- sleeves too tight and restrictive and a beautiful dark red one from love and roses - too a line for me. Any ideas anyone please? Any suggestions of an alternative would be welcome. Just needs to be warmish and suitable for a nice pub lunch. Can anyone help please?

37 replies

Hi all, I’ll try to lay the facts out here as clearly as possible so hopefully it will enable some objective views:

-DH and I live in our first home purchased in 2019. It is a detached 3 bed but on the small side. Living room/ kitchen downstairs, not a lot of space but liveable. Upstairs is our main room, a smaller room which would barely fit a double so we use as a dressing room/office and also a box room. Has a garden, in a great location etc.

-DH has been pushing to move since our DS was born two years ago. I know we need more space eventually but in the midst of newborn life I said it wasn’t the time.

-I’m now pregnant again. DH declared we must move as we don’t have the space as it is let alone with another DC on the way.

-I am already struggling with pregnancy symptoms and the thought of the stress of moving on top is unthinkable to me. DH says it will be worse having to move when we’ve got a newborn.

-I think we should wait until DC is a year or so old and then move. We will make do until then as they will be in with us in our room for much of that. It isn’t as if the house market is great either.

Would you agree to move now, or wait it out as I’ve suggested?

119 replies

Am I behind the times? Where has this come from? I was out with friends today and one kept describing her upcoming, admittedly amazing sounding, holiday as bougie. She was telling us about the upgrades she had added and kept saying ‘I know, I know, I’m so bougie’.

What is this fresh Hell?!

99 replies

Does anyone have any recommendations? Tried the brushed jersey barrel trousers from Uniqlo but they were a bit “worky”.. I want something with a flattering waist band not really bulky around the waist like jogging bottoms tend to be. Ideally in black or charcoal. Size 14.

57 replies

DD dad just announced he wants to take her on a cruise 10 days before end of summer term ( year 10 ). Surprised me as he is always on about how important next 2 years are for DD . I said her missing 3 days of last week not be a massive issue but 10 days I dont agree with. He says they probably wont be doing much last 2 weeks year 10 ... He hasnt taken her abroad for 8 years on holiday & she really excited . There is an option for a week cruise he can take her on so she only misses 3 days I said that be much better but he just pushing now for me tp agree to her missing 10 days school. He lives 3 hour drive from us so only sees her at half terms & half holidays so not involved with her school. AIBU to say no to taking her out of school for 10 days last term of year 10?

37 replies

I am 10 years into teaching and have been at current school for 3 years. It's become apparent overtime that there are an elite group of teachers in our department who the HOD only trusts with top set classes and A-level. I have taught triple science in previous schools but don't get a look in at this school and all but the bottom set year 11 groups are divided between these 3 elite teachers so they get all the gain time at the end of the year. I've spoken to my HOD informally about being deskilled if I'm not teaching my specialism but this has fallen on deaf ears. The HOD and SID happen to be besties and so have it all wrapped up between them. I'm at a loss at what strategy to take here. Finding another job is an option but having to say I've not been teaching triple, top sets at GCSE or a level would put me at a real disadvantage anyway. Any advise as to what my next move should be to put my case forward?