Work meetings clashing with school pick-up are making me anxious

[LiquoriceAllsorts2]

I have received several meetings that clash with the time that I need to collect my kids. Where possible I have tried to make it work and have my husband collect but there is a couple that I can’t make work due to him being away. I will tell work I can’t make it and will need to leave early but I feel so anxious that it will reflect badly on me and hate that I have been put in this position.

feels that however hard I work, sometimes it just can’t be enough.

dont know what I am looking for really, just want to rant and get my frustrations out. I hate that this needs to be an issue.

I’d like to edit to add this batshit work environment will disproportionately negatively affect (effect?) women!

Thats often the way. People scheduling dont have commitments at that time or they have a partner who meets the commitment. Like others have said you could block out the time but if they go for majority vote it could still end up in your diary. I dont think there is anything wrong with accepting the invite and editing the response. I often say I will attend the meeting but need to leave at x o'clock. I also state that if there is anything specifically for me to action I will pick up detail next day from X at the meeting or from action notes, Ask them to record meeting so you can playback the bit you missed. Not the same as chirping up at the time if need be in the meeting but better than nothing. I dont think you need to explain or justify why you cant be at the meeting to all, just explain to your manager who hopefully understands we are all busy juggling worklife balances. Provided you are not meant to be working at that time but if you work flexibly you could state you are not taking lunch break but using time for school pick up instead. If you get any aggro I would question if the organisation is right for you. Ive worked round the clock numerous times but it then becomes expected and you are not valued more for it. I do the best I can within my contracted hours frequently missing breaks altogether for days on end and working a few more hours week . I know I add value with or without being around non stop and there are plenty who like to be seen out of hours but actually their input and activity is minimal in reality. Know your value and dont let unreasonable pressure make you feel obligated. Chat to your manager and come to a compromise but dont feel you have to justify yourself to others. They will either be in or have been in your shoes or wont give a shit about your circumstances because they are in the competitive lane with a ..look at me here til x hour every time cos im soooo dedicated...that was me once but i got a life outside of work and im not apologising for that.

It’s bizarre that so many people do not seem to be reading all of OPs posts based on the number of responses assuming you aren’t already doing nursery until the latest time and after school clubs! Childminders etc are not going to be working much past 5, the only solution is a bespoke nanny situation which as you said is going to be much more expensive!

Sorry OP, I do feel for you because it seems like both you and DH’s jobs just aren’t compatible with early parenthood. I reduced my hours massively and DH has forgone a promotion so we could spend as little money as possible on childcare and as much time with our small child as possible. We’ve had to make financial sacrifices but don’t regret it.

If the majority of these meetings do tend to be scheduled later in the day, could you cancel wrap around settings, drop off kiddies at school/ nursery 8:30/9am each day, then look for a child minder/ au pair that could collect from school/nursery at the end of the day-3pm, and take care of the kiddies until say 6/7pm either in their home or yours. Would the savings on wrap around be enough to cover the childminder? So in short, start late - 10am, finish late - 6-6:30, which sounds like that might be closer to the hours others are working? I feel your pain! Literally at the point of having to give up work unless I can find a way to be in 3 places at one time!!

Block out time in your calendar. Type in travelling or private appointment. If it's not showing as free l as likely to get requests. If you can make some of the meeting make it clear you need to leave at a set time and just walk out then.

OP I really feel for you as someone who’s working in corporate with kids. Likely this is some prat who isn’t partaking in any childcare duties or has a nanny. I would definitely be raising with your line manager

We paid for after-school as our employers don't allow us to WFH with children in the house unless it's an emergency. I assume that is what most people do.

If as you say you're spending thousands on nursery and after school clubs wouldn't you be better off hiring a nanny?

Even if you employ a nanny?

OP can’t you switch to your mobile for Teams meetings? Very often I will nip out to do a collection and stay on the meeting, on mute unless I need to add something.

What time are you contracted to finish? Surely if the meetings are outside of your contracted hours then you can turn them down and if within work hours then you need to find alternative childcare.

Yeh I do this. Dial in from the phone when I leave the office or leave earlier and take from the nursery car park etc.

A few of the responsive are about being assertive. And in all honesty I am saying I need to leave and going as I don’t have a choice not to, my kids need to be collected. I think it’s more that I feel bad doing so or think it’s reflects badly on me but it’s probably worse in my head in reality. A few posts have pointed this out and it’s helpful to hear.

For 2026 it sounds as though you are being discriminated against when you sound to be a competent, hardworking member of the team.
Could you have a half hour meeting with an employment lawyer for advice?

If you're meant to be available at that time and not negotiated it to allow school run then of course you need to be working! Unfortunately you will have to arrange after school club, which many of us don't efh have to do.

You need to put the time after 5pm in your outlook/teams calendar as unavailable. And put your available core work hours into the calendar ie. 08:30-17:00 as available. That way they cannot add you to the meetings at 5pm.

I think you need to be confident in your value and assert yourself.

Either, speak to your line manager and put in an official flexible working request that notes your availability because of childcare....

Or speak to the person setting the meetings/block out your calendar.

Or use parental leave which is an entitlement everyone has.

These sorts of cultures are why women (and it's mainly women I've seen) get chronic illness when they hit menopause age. Stress is a killer. Don't do it to yourself.

The situation is plain silly and down to thoughtlessness.

Indeed, it's the not logical to be looking after young children while working, same for us who work in a building who can't just nip out to collect young children.

I haven’t read all the thread but I’ve read your posts and while I totally get the anxiety, I don’t think needing to leave at 5 for school pick up is a bad boundary to have. I frequently do it myself as do colleagues (male and female). I also view it as part of being a senior woman with children to try and set the tone for more junior staff who may feel even more awkward about asking for that kind of flexibility.

A few possible options:

1. Find a flexible nanny/ child minder, and bin off breakfast Club and after school care. Cut nursery hours down to similar to school hours, use the funds saved to pay chuldminder.

1. A couple of days a week, hire a babysitter (local unit student type, maybe?) To do pickup, ideally binning off evening nursery and after school care, which should hopefully fund it. Keep on til 6:30/7-ish. On those days you can be fully available for those late meetings, and on others you block your calendar/ say no to meetings, and make clear when you are available, for example "I've got to pick the kids up form after school care on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, so I'm not available after 5pm then. I can do earlier in the day, or after 5pm Monday, Thursday or Friday"

1. You and husband figure out a consistent schedule between you, where you each know which days you're responsible for pickups. On those days, if something comes up, you either check with the other (if you think they'd probably be around, so if husband isn't away), and if not you say "Sorry I can't do after 5pm that day, I've got to pick the kids up on Tuesdays, I can do before 5, or can do Thursday after 5 if needed". And chat a fair bit around the office about what days your husband is doing pickups, or when you've moved things. Hopefully that may mean others round the office start to pick up a schedule, and can see you're being flexible.

I think with kids at that age, you may have to sacrifice your career reputation a bit. You can't have a household with two high flying, lots of extra time careers without someone picking up the slack in terms of kids, whether it's paid staff or other family members, and if you haven't got that, as unfair as it may seem, something has to give. You need to discuss with your partner what that's gonna be, whether it's both of you having to be a bit inflexible some days, or whether one of you steps back, or whether you pay for some more help. It will get easier as kids get older and can safely amuse themselves and be left alone more.

Are you allowed to take Teams meetings on your phone whilst driving? My company has banned this as its dangerous, you aren't properly concentrating on driving if you are on a Teams call and it may cause an accident. Our SOPs state we need to report colleagues that are doing this.

This is the worse bit, so ask nursery/after school club to see if anyone wants some extra hours in an adhoc basis? Or even one day a week in a regular basis so that you can guarantee a day when you can attend and/or have a less rushed day.
Is the late afternoon meetings thing to do with the expectation that conversations stretch into after work drinks? That’s the sort of thing that disadvantages women more than men.
If junior staff then you can refuse, and then talk to your manager. It sounds like a slightly disorganised work culture that needs some better guidelines. I’d try blocking your calendar and see reactions

SOP?

my company don’t have such guidance, in fact they let their adults employees make their own decisions about all sorts of things

youve had lots of advice
it sounds like you are not required to work until 6pm so decline and perhaps suggest 8.39 or 9 am instead. I'll bet a lot wouldn't want to do that

And ask for DH to do the same. If you both do that it would give you both one day a week when you can cover childcare for one another. It is a recipe for disaster if you both try to carry on trying to pretend to work that you don’t have kids.

Is it possible that these are being scheduled at a time when it is presumed that you, or your colleagues, have already finished picking school children up from school? There might not be an awareness that this is causing problems. I think rather than getting stressed, you need to discuss this with at least one of the schedulers and get their thoughts on the matter.