Work meetings clashing with school pick-up are making me anxious

[LiquoriceAllsorts2]

I have received several meetings that clash with the time that I need to collect my kids. Where possible I have tried to make it work and have my husband collect but there is a couple that I can’t make work due to him being away. I will tell work I can’t make it and will need to leave early but I feel so anxious that it will reflect badly on me and hate that I have been put in this position.

feels that however hard I work, sometimes it just can’t be enough.

dont know what I am looking for really, just want to rant and get my frustrations out. I hate that this needs to be an issue.

That sounds bad. At first I thought you meant about 3pm not 5pm. Most childcare shuts by about 6pm so very little time to pick up

I wish you could’ve been there to support HR in trying to get them to come in 😂

Lucky we don't work together then.

That sounds very frustrating.

To the incredulous, yes it is very common for workplaces to set total weekly hours (approx) but not specific daily hours. Some companies that do this also set "core" hours where it is expected everyone is in (eg 10-4) but you can choose your hours around that each day.

I think the OP either needs to raise that on certain weeks she can't do meetings in the 5-6pm slot because her husband is working away. She could also find an ad hoc babysitter to do pick up and cover those meetings as needed if the travel is regular and predictable (say monthly).

But it sounds like the meetings are generally feasible, so it's not that childcare arrangements or the job are totally unsuitable. It should be possible for OP to say I can't do this meeting on this occasion because I have to do nursery pick up - and potentially block that time out in her calendar and email the relevant people (eg EA / line manager) to say that those specific times don't work. That's not an unreasonable ask - if it was every day it would be a problem but the odd occasion should be fine surely?

"Sorry I can't make that slot I have childcare obligations. How about slot x, or catch up later at time/date z"?

I'm full remote but often have US timezone meetings. Made it very clear to stakeholders I can make some meetings if I have sufficient notice (eg organise with wife, extended family / friends); but if I can't arrange it, we need backup slot. Never had an issue with this provided you make it clear and with notice. Though it does help most of the others I work with also have kids similar age

Why do you not pay for pick ups like most other working parents? If you are that senior you can afford it.

3-4pm is core hours and particularly core workshop hours pretty much everywhere. Forcing more meetings to later in the afternoon impacts all the parents honestly paying for pickups and trying to meet nursery/CM times after work.

That's bollocks. I'm on a nominal forty hours and that looks like 9 to 5, eight hours. We can be, and sometimes are, booked into meetings between noon and 2pm and we are expected to find our breaks in the gaps allowed by our work that day.

She's not going at 3pm. Her kids are already in wrap-around care.

The actual issue is that expecting any people to be in meetings until 6pm is unreasonable.

I work at a similar level role type and it is tough but I think there are a few things you can do-
Are there any other parents at your/similar level, what do they do regarding childcare pickups? Observe them or have a chat about how they approach it.
Does your company have any policies around it?
Do you actually need to be at the meeting? It may be a case of turning it down and sending your contribution via email or following up on the minutes. If you are generally showing willing to attend when you can/dial in/etc then missing the odd one may be acceptable. For the time of day they are at, you can’t be the only one who has challenges.
Have you brought it up with your manager to get their perspective?
Perhaps they don’t realise that you sometimes have this commitment. In the companies I have insight on, it is generally acceptable to say you have a hard stop for childcare pickup.

Get wraparound care like OP and work your full hours, instead of abusing your power.

RTFT. They are already in wrap-aound care until 6pm.

This is very common and is generally accepted these days that people can’t make a certain time, especially if it’s after 5pm. Don’t let it make you feel bad. Just because companies would like us all to pretend we have no obligations beyond the shareholders, doesn’t mean anyone actually lives that way (bar some exceptions…)

Is it during your working hours? If not, YANBU and say you have to go. If it's during your working hours, YABU and you have to organise childcare or ask to shorten your working day.

Aw, you're going to get loads of responses from people thinking you mean school pick up at 3pm.

But it's not unreasonable when you have young kids to want to pick them up at 6pm after the homework club. 😔

I used to have this. My job (NHS) used to go on till we dropped - at times 9/10pm in a "9-5" job.

I ended up leaving that job mainly because of it. But I did put in a boundary of sorts, by literally getting up and leaving. It was a very stressful (and long) journey to the childminder.

I can relate, i’m quite senior and have the same anxieties sometimes but in reality, so many others have the same problem, just block out the time, do what you need to do and say it with your chest… ultimately work on outcomes and as long as you’re delivering, who cares.

We are flexible around pick up and srop off times. I suppose it shows a good employer vs an average one....

Decline meetings and block off school pick up? Assuming this is agreed as part of your contract/ and not working hours. It clearly must be work hours though for you to get so many meeting requests therefore you need to make more robust arrangements. Do things properly and you won’t be anxious.

Ah feel for you. You feel as if you're not doing both 'jobs' properly. It's being a working mum. Conflict goes with the territory. But at the end of the day, your office knows you're a mum, with mum responsibilities. Maybe just have a word with your manager...be open and honest...and don't apologise for being a mum ❤️ and take it easy on yourself!

Aw, you're going to get loads of responses from people thinking you mean school pick up at 3pm.

It's because OP put school pick up in the title. She is not picking up from school, but from after school care. Of course if people even read the OP, never mind all OP's posts it would be quite clear.
OP, you could ask MN to edit the title if people assuming you're slacking off is giving you the rage!

I thought companies had to offer flexibility. Mine are older now but I totally get how difficult this must be.

You've mentioned you are paying a lot - probably a redundant question but have you looked into a nanny?
Sounds very frustrating especially since there is no particular reason. But literally one person In a workplace can set the culture.
Do you know what is driving the insistence on meetings at such hours which are not family friendly? I'll bet there are others for whom it's not convenient, any parents for example. . Are there people who would be more sympathetic ? Is there someone with whom you could buddy up to kind of job share those times and feed back to each other? If your workplace isn't actively hostile they may accept a solution.

They have to consider a flexible working request if you put one in. That could define your hours so you can leave when you need to. I dropped my hours and left for school pickup every day. Work preferred that to working 4 days a week.

otherwise you need to say if you want me there then the meeting needs to finish at 5pm.

Or if you can’t get the job to fit the needs of your children you need to find a new job that does.

It is not unreasonable to leave work at 5pm to collect children from childcare.

Yes, childcare is not an employer’s responsibility, but the welfare of their staff is.

She 100% should be looking for another job. Any employer that thinks it’s ok to regularly put meetings in from 5pm to 6pm is a crap employer. A really decent employer would think about their staffs welfare and have a degree of flexibility. Employers who offer no flexibility and have such an old fashioned attitude struggle in the long term to keep talent in the business. We have moved on a bit since the 1970’s.

Surely even in a role like yours - your work are being unreasonable to not have core hours eg 9-5 to schedule big meetings and everyone works their contracted hours around that however they’re able? Seems totally awful not to be able to pick up kids when you are using the full whack of wraparound care - I expected the thread to do with picking up at 3!

I also don't understand the senior manager/junior director level but unable/too scared to occasionally say a late meeting doesn't work for you. You say you can't block out your calendar, but what if you have another important meeting at that time?

I think you either look for a new job or get some assertiveness coaching.