Work meetings clashing with school pick-up are making me anxious

[LiquoriceAllsorts2]

I have received several meetings that clash with the time that I need to collect my kids. Where possible I have tried to make it work and have my husband collect but there is a couple that I can’t make work due to him being away. I will tell work I can’t make it and will need to leave early but I feel so anxious that it will reflect badly on me and hate that I have been put in this position.

feels that however hard I work, sometimes it just can’t be enough.

dont know what I am looking for really, just want to rant and get my frustrations out. I hate that this needs to be an issue.

As someone who arranges a lot of meetings, and is invited to a lot of meetings, I don't see how declining, or suggesting a new time, is unacceptable. It's pretty normal for not everyone to be able to accept?

Could you not take a late lunchbreak and collect the kids when school finishes around 3pm instead of them going to after school clubs and then work from home the rest of the afternoon and do the meeting on Teams at home?

They are too young to be unsupervised whilst I work beyond the odd emergency situation

So basically you are saying you really can’t pick up your kids. You are basically as away as your husband and need to consider yourself away. You need to find someone else who picks up, a childminder, a nanny a family member and find an arrangement that allows you to do your job. If you were a nurse you would stay there till end of your job, not trying to go away earlier for pick up. If other arrangements are not possible, you either change job or make it official with your job that you need to stop at 5pm and everybody needs to schedule meetings to finish at that time.

Based of what you’ve said, this role isn’t suitable for you. You have young children who you need to look after once their childcare finishes, yet work doesn’t finish at the same time. You can’t plan childcare as work finish times are completely variable.
This is not a role you should be in. You cannot have a unset schedule with young children, it absolutely does not work.
You should look for an alternative role. You’ve already advised work hours can’t be compromised. If blocking our your calendar at pick up won’t prevent this then really I can’t see how this role can ever work for you right now.

Actually men don’t have this pressure. Your husband for sure has not as you are the one writing this. He won’t turn meetings down as he knows you will make it work. You are. You have the pressure. That’s what makes women career so difficult.

Unless there is a specific business need for meetings to go on until 6pm (which it doesn’t sound like there is) then this could be considered indirect discrimination.

So rather than the OP leaving her job her employer should be considering whether their formal and informal working practices are discriminatory.

Take charge of the meeting - organise it at a time that works for you (5pm/7pm). Or email the organiser and say you can't make that time, please reschedule to 8pm.

But the op is not a nurse she works in finance, it's not comparable. She is also not asking to leave in the middle of the working day, just a standard 5pm finish.
In any case, nurses have shifts with a start and end time, and there are lots of nurses who do need to finish on time to collect their children (they will usually plan a buffer or back-up for emergencies). They know the rota and what they're scheduled to work each day and can plan accordingly.

has she really asked to finish at 5? And be told no? If people schedule meetings 5-6 it is obvious they are expected to work till 6. Are they scheduling 6-7 or 7-8? I don’t think so. It is obvious the working day is understood to be finishing at 6, which is not compatible with her nursery hours. A childminder would probably be a better solution as they keep kids till 7-7.30. Anyway, either she makes it clear and agrees her working day finishes at 5 or if it not possible she changes job or find another pick up arrangement. I can’t see any other way around it.

OK so you are senior and experienced enough to be decent at upward management and you have a good understanding of what your business needs?

So use that - if these meetings are already booked in, you may have to suck it up this time and pay for the extra help for these few meetings but before the next lot are booked in have some discussions around core hours for scheduling of on site meetings. We found an after school nanny useful when they were all school age - someone to pick up, bring them home and start their tea or after school activities (there were no breakfast clubs/after school clubs back then).

This isn’t just a women’s issue its a parents and carers issue in general. Would you be equally reticent to say “I have physio each week at that time slot for my skiing injury so can’t make it”? If not then it needs to be discussed at departmental level.
You will not be the only person in this situation and in my practice I have more men than women at the baby stage/small child stage - most are juggling childcare pick ups and drop offs with their partners, others have caring responsibilities for adults or other family members with carers who need to leave on time. My lot all have travel as part of the job as well.
Consider what you can offer in return flexibility when you raise it - I was always happy to handle late transatlantic calls on the basis that I would not be sitting in the office until 7pm for an over running workshop.

One thing you can be sure of - nothing changes if you don’t speak up. People will simply assume the time isn’t a problem if you don’t state otherwise and mark a position.

I agree with your point but 5pm is increasingly not the standard finish time in corporate roles. I leave at 5pm usually for pick up and had a comment (well meaning) last week from someone who said “I’ll meet you first because you leave early” - early being 5pm. It’s very difficult to turn down meetings after 5pm because the expectation (particularly if you have no contracted start and finish times like the OP) is that you do what needs to be done. If I’m meeting with a bunch of US senior stakeholders, I can’t expect the meeting to be rearranged around me or just “not accept” as some have suggested.

Yes the OP has stated their contract hours are 40 but in a professional role its all a bit fudgey. That is what the money is for.

5-6pm would be an entirely standard meeting hour in my organisation and in a a fair few of my clients (esp in finance). It would be unusual in the public sector clients. However its also not unusual for people to say “this week I can’t do Wednesday at 5pm in person - I’m on the nursery pick up”. Nothing changes unless we speak up.

But what’s the answer? I’m a single parent, do all the drop offs and my children are in before/ after school club from 7.30am to 5.45pm, which is the full opening hours. That enables me to work 9-4.30
Childminders do not work earlier or later than those hours

should I not be able to have the job I do?

I agree with you, I don’t have an answer. You have my sympathy. The last organisation I worked in, the Chief Talent Officer was so proud of the new employment contracts she’d rolled out - changing the working hours from 9-5 to 9-6 for all new joiners. I work in HR too, and was mortified. It felt like we were setting things back hugely. She had grown up children and the mindset - if I did it, so can everyone else. My current company has rolled out a non negotiable 4 day office policy and turns down all flexible working requests. It’s a fucking minefield for working parents, particularly single ones like you.

Does he get the same anxiety about telling his boss about his children's pick up time?

Do you think a nanny or a childminder might be an option?

Yes if company culture is 9-6 fine then unless Op gets different childcare I think it’s going to be stressful. Don’t dismiss nanny idea especially once nursery aged at school.
I do wonder if you using childcare is actually exacerbating the issue. If most are doing nip out at 3.30pm pattern then the 3-4 meeting slot is out of favour and 5-6 in.

They’re in the office not wfh

That sounds really difficult. I’m public sector and we are pretty flexible so we’d likely agree to your part time hours request of 35 (ft contract is 37) but private sector usually less accommodating.

Luckily I don’t need to do that- I can juggle as OP does. But I still feel awkward and guilty, and there is no doubt you’re missed in those 5pm meetings- they still happen

If you are in a university I suggest you get out to departments and smell the chalkface roses. This is EXACTLY the working pattern of academics.
Teaching scheduled till 6 or even 7.
Seminars at 5 (we used to have these but now they are at 3. I asked them to change to 4 but then our department decided unilaterally to have core hours 10-4).
Meetings when the most senior person can do them or the person who set up the meeting. Starting late or running over unless someone says "no".
Catching up on marking or an urgent grant application after dinner.
Emailing while the kids are at gymnastics.
PhD students having drinks after work at 5 on a Friday and that's the main department social so if you want to catch up informally you have to go and your HoD goes and keeps asking if you can come.
Any of this sound familiar?

NO academic contracts have set working times unless they have a flexible working agreement though if I look on my HR interface I can see working hours and my pay for part time was worked out based on these so clearly everyone has working hours (37.5 if I was full time).

As ex university SLT id be amazed if you worked long hours 😭 we cut 1400 roles with no impact to teaching hours. Maybe your colleagues are slacking? Agree you have to lecture at 6pm but that’s not after a full day I’m sure

You are aware that academics don't just do face to face teaching and that teaching hours isn't a good metric for a research institution?
No wonder students are dissatisfied.
I now teach till 6 and have regular days with 9 am and 4 and 5 plus meeting students back to back in between with a sandwich at my desk.
Unless you are hoping for rage fuelled replies of course.

Depends on the type of university as you say. Teaching universities aren’t interested in funding research and it’s generally felt to be up to the academic how often they chose to spend on this.

Teaching only universities are also not about the face to face hours. Students value academics being available and hands on.