Work meetings clashing with school pick-up are making me anxious

[LiquoriceAllsorts2]

I have received several meetings that clash with the time that I need to collect my kids. Where possible I have tried to make it work and have my husband collect but there is a couple that I can’t make work due to him being away. I will tell work I can’t make it and will need to leave early but I feel so anxious that it will reflect badly on me and hate that I have been put in this position.

feels that however hard I work, sometimes it just can’t be enough.

dont know what I am looking for really, just want to rant and get my frustrations out. I hate that this needs to be an issue.

Is it a repeat daily meeting or just random ones? I just block out my calendar for pick up time and then people don’t schedule for that time. Is that an option?

Are you supposed to be working at that time?
If so then you clearly aren't available for pick ups and asking for the meetings to be moved will suggest that you are doing other things when you should be working

If it’s in your non working time then decline the meetings, explain that you do not work at that time, and propose days/times you are available. Block out your non working time in your calendar.

If you do not have formal agreement that you do not work at school pick up time, and you just hope you’re free to leave during your working hours then you need to make a flexible working request.

When you say that you hate that you have been put in this position, are you supposed to not have meetings at pick up time and people are ignoring that, or are you just nipping out on the off chance that you're free? One thing is quite different from the other...

If work are flexible around pick ups and you have an agreement on this, just block the time out in your diary.

If not, you need another arrangement - can you ask parents of your DC's friends to pick up on those occasions, or one of your friends/relations? Or can you look in to some sort of paid arrangement?

Do you WFH and log back on after pick up, or need to go back to work? How much time out do you need?

If that is your work time then it will look bad if you don't go or leave early. You will need to arrange childcare.

Is your working arrangement (flexible work request?) that you don’t work during school pick up time? So they’re asking you to work during non-work time? If so, raise the issue with your line manager and make sure the time is blocked out in your calendar.

If you don’t have an agreement to do school pick up, then surely you need to sort out some childcare so you’re available for the meetings? Does the school have wraparound?

These are several physical meetings scheduled until 6pm. The latest I need to leave the office to make pick up is 5, if working from home I could stretch it till 5:30 at the latest. There is no set hours, it’s a 40 hour work week (although salary and no time tracking so ultimately you do the hours needed to get it done) and I have no problem with doing additional time once my kids are in bed.

These are meetings with several people so I don’t have enough sway to move them/blocks in my calendar won’t be checked and effectively miss out by not joining and need to highlight to lots of people my inflexibility at needing to leave early.

I just don’t get why they can’t be scheduled an hour earlier, clearly the people sending them out don’t need to collect kids and don’t understand the restraints on people that do.

To add it is collecting from after school club and nursery (2 different locations) not collecting at school finishing time.

They might have other time restraints?

Can you apply for a flexi pattern so that time is blocked out?

Standard office hours in the UK are 9-5. The problem you have is that some entitled prat thinks that making you stay late is OK.

Take this up with your line manager in the first instance.

I think you either go through an EDI rep/manager and get them to lobby for meetings in core hours OR you tell everyone you have a standing client meeting and are not available.

Chances are you think it looks worse than it is.

I'm quite bulshy at my work so when this has happened to me I've just said "I've got to pick up the kids, who is picking up your kids Steve?" Then they sheepishly admit to have a partner facilitating their every move at work.

No, you can’t get a flexibility thing, that would be reducing hours and pay and still wouldn’t change that this is the time that someone has decided to schedule meetings for and I am expected to be in them. Saying I can’t go looks bad and means I cannot properly perform my role.

Yes - clarification needed here - if you are nipping out to pick them up on work time and then back to work (no judgement from me - I did that for years and felt no guilt - I put more than enough hours in, but it did mean that I had to find other arrangements when meetings popped up) then you have to do the meeting. If you have an agreement with work then you can obviously decline the meeting but I would say don’t do this too often otherwise work may review the arrangement if it becomes a pain for them. Sometimes for flexibility it’s worth giving back and being available as every other day they do allow you to be free. Find other parents willing do do it if you return the favour etc

Ignore my post - I posted as you were updating. In that case you are completely right to turn those meetings down - they are unreasonable and I’d just say not possible - i imagine most people will get that.

Can’t you raise it with your line manager? I don’t see any other way other than regularising your hours, and blocking them, or paying for child care/pick up.

I don’t know your financial situation, but if this a regular
thing and will impact on your role could you look at a child minder after school or an afternoon nanny? Does anyone else in the company have children?

I had this issue when my DCs were small, I'm a university lecturer and asked for my lectures to be before 5 as nursery pickup, on campus, was 5.30. My boss was massively unhelpful and I had to get a union rep to meet with him and HR to change my contract to finish at 5.
My contract was very similar to yours - salary with just "hours as required". The union rep was great, pointed out that flexible working was different to the norm on purpose so boss couldn't complain that this "wasn't the norm".
My DH could cover for a once off conference visit when I was away but not for say every Tuesday when I was timetabled to teach first years till 6 when he worked in a different town and I could see the nursery from my office!

@LiquoriceAllsorts2 you have my sympathies, I used to work for an organisation where leaving before 6pm was a massive no-no and actually career limiting. One of the directors used to put regular meetings in 5-6pm for no reason other than to check people hadn’t “sloped off early”.
I played the game for far longer than I should, burnt out and got binned off, all the years of loyalty meant nothing.
Start the job hunt

If there are no fixed office hours then you’re just going to have to highlight when you’re definitively unavailable. That isn’t saying you’re unable to perform your role, but that you perform your role within agreed parameters - as many other colleagues will have done: having recently had to do a lot of the stuff my EA usually does for me because she was off sick, I’m keenly appreciative of difficult it is to try to schedule meetings which take into account that various attendees want a time which fits around 9am school drop off, 3pm school pick up, 6pm nursery pick up, their 1pm lunch or 2pm gym slot or 3pm time out which they always take at the same time because it’s important for their wellbeing or a disability adjustment, and all the other actual workplace meetings they have in their diaries.

Does it feel deliberate? Who is booking the meetings? Is it the same person? Would you feel comfortable raising it asking for it to be scheduled earlier in the day?

The only reason I say this is because my mate had a boss who hated her agreed flexible working hours, she did a school drop off 2 days a week and a pick up one day a week. Her boss kept scheduling meetings at 8.30 when he knew she would be on the school run. I took her children in for her so she could attend those meetings as he was pushing to get her hours changed.

What she wanted to prove was that she would be in attendance but she raised it as discrimination as female members of staff, like her, had flexible working patterns to facilitate their childcare needs. Then the meetings got changed to 9.30 when everyone was in after a school run.

This is one of the way that parents (and usually DMs) are discriminated against at work. Does your LM/HR know that you need to leave by 5 at the latest if you are working in the office? I do think it's unreasonable for anyone to be scheduling meetings that finish after 5pm. Many people have to leave on time and being a parent and needing to pick up by 6pm is hardly unusual. It sounds like your workplace needs a culture change led from the top.

If you're leaving at 5 and you have worked 8 hours that day, you are NOT leaving early and should not feel guilty about leaving on time. I appreciate that toxic companies make you feel guilty for doing something that is perfectly normal and reasonable, been there myself.

As an EA who used to book a lot of meetings they were generally scheduled on the number of people who were available but also with an eye on finishing and travel times (if people have to get planes or trains). There are so many variables depending on numbers of attendees and locations, project deliverables, other team commitments, etc, etc that it gets to the point that there's no perfect time as someone will lose out.

Having core hours can help but invariably when there are senior staff who are really busy involved something has to give.

What is your contracted finish time?