Work meetings clashing with school pick-up are making me anxious

[LiquoriceAllsorts2]

I have received several meetings that clash with the time that I need to collect my kids. Where possible I have tried to make it work and have my husband collect but there is a couple that I can’t make work due to him being away. I will tell work I can’t make it and will need to leave early but I feel so anxious that it will reflect badly on me and hate that I have been put in this position.

feels that however hard I work, sometimes it just can’t be enough.

dont know what I am looking for really, just want to rant and get my frustrations out. I hate that this needs to be an issue.

I block out 3pm-3:35pm in my calendar so no meetings happen then.

Most people I know with office jobs work 9-6 to be honest. However, meetings after 5pm are not frequent.

The travel is not ideal. Dh was made redundant and didn’t find out till the travel until quite late in the recruitment process and as there were no other jobs on the horizon didn’t feel able to turn it down.

This.
Best to arrange after school pick up /clubs.
Too many people take the absolute p* re wfh /child care.

I have 5 days a week nursery for a nursery aged child and for a school age child both before and after school club every day and spend thousands a month on this . I wouldn’t consider that taking p*. Yet still it’s not enough.

and before you suggest a nanny, I don’t think it’s affordable.

I block my calendar recurring as that minimises invitations at that time. However it depends on your seniority, who’s asking and how many people are involved as to whether you can reasonably request a reschedule of meetings that clash.

You need to stand your ground on this because it is not reasonable to expect parents with young children to not leave work until 6 when it is an office job. Employers who try to do this need calling out.

And this is why I have start and finish times for my work. I do drop off and picks up so have a hard stop time when I can have no meeting after. I agreed this when I reduced my hours so there was no ambiguity.
I think setting hours with a finish time with HR would be better for you. You then don't feel guilty for having to finish to collect the kids, work then know the when you are available. Needing to leave at 5pm is hardly unusual for an office environment.

I'd email the organiser and say that you can only be in a meeting until 5 as your children's after school club finishes at 6 so you can't accept the invite. That's completely reasonable. They can't seriously expect people to finish work at say 6 - that would preclude nearly everyone with a child.

They've got what 8 other hours to have it!

Honestly, assuming there's not a timezone issue that means that's the only reasonable time for meetings (DH has this a couple of times a week as half his team is in California), then just refuse. If it creates problems then this probably isn't the sort of place you want to be working and I'd look for a new job.
TBH if it is unavoidable you probably still need a new job, unless you and DH can split the pick ups between you and commit to certain days.

If youre working, you shouldn't be doing pick-ups. Use after school care.

If youre NOT meant to be working, then block the time out in your diary.

She's using after school care.

RTFT

Sympathy OP, being a working mother is not easy when you have employers like this. For your immediate issue can you nip out before the meeting starts and pick your children up early? They would be in the house with you and there’s a risk of disruption but if you park them with a film for an hour it might solve the issue for now.

If it’s not in your contract to do meetings or be available after 5 then it’s unreasonable for them to expect it from you. If you are available for meetings from 9-5 but not from 5-6 then you aren’t taking the piss. I agree with pp’s that you need to stand your ground. It’s hard at first but it gets easier. Are they sending you calendar invites? If so, you decline with the reason you are unavailable at x time and leave it to the organiser to figure it out. If pushed you say you have a prior commitment which cannot be moved. I would put a private appointment in your calendar to block out the time. The organiser should be checking and if they don’t they have no come back as you had it in the calendar.

When my children were small I had a job where some stayed til 6 - I absolutely had to leave by 5 to get them from the childminder. That ultimately was a boundary for me.

I would call a meeting with your manager and just lay it out - say you want to be in the meetings. IN a flexible and supportive work environment this is a normal conversation.

the company I worked for at the point were very well known and the role I had was extremely competitive - ie. they could easily have filled my post with someone else very qualified.

However - it was considered normal for women (sadly I think less normal for men) - to leave work on time to collect kids and that was just part of office culture.

I think recently it's even become more normal for men to do this.

I finish work at 3 (for school pick up). If a meeting needs to be held after I finish work, then someone attends for me, or i send my notes in advance, or I ask for the call to be recorded. It shouldn’t be a problem for you not to attend.

You should be putting them in afterschool club on these days. Thats is what nurses, police officers, supermarket workers andother non home workers doetc do and what we all did before WFH became a thing

You're worrying unnecessarily.

Pickup is absolutely non negotiable and you need to set your boundaries and make this clear.

You are entitled to a life. Meetings to not trump this.

Block out the pickup times in your calendar and let people know that time does not work.

This. I thought OP was going to say that these meetings were at 3pm.

I’d echo what others are saying. You’ve put reasonable / standard childcare in place so they are the ones being unreasonable.

RTFT

She does.

Agreed, just block it out in the diary. So the invitee knows you are not available.

This is awful. Do you mind telling us your employment sector, OP? I don’t see how that could be outing.

Academia used to be this way, but STEM at least has gotten much better. It has helped immensely at my uni that that major grantors expect a demonstrable commitment to EDI (in the UK). All seminars and meetings are now held in core hours. This presents other challenges as there is not enough time, but that’s a different issue.