Return to Office policy will make it impossible for me to work!

[SamSam786R]

I started my job four years ago under a hybrid policy, although my contract stated it was 9-5, Mon-Fri. In these four years I have managed to work from home and office with a degree of flexibility. After I got pregnant with my third child and returned from mat leave in April 2025 things changed drastically. They tried to remove all flexibilty that I had (rigid 9-5 working hours when I had worked reduced hours in the office and made the time up in the evenings). I've subjected to nasty comments like 'You have baby brain' and 'your performance has suffered since you got pregnant'. Now I must juggle two pick ups (kids and nursery) the school doesnt offer afterschool provision and I cannot move them. My child is settled in nursery but the 9-5 hours wont allow me to pick him up on time - I'm alrrady stressed and sick at the thought of being late to pick up and work. For me to return to the office five days is impossible and extra nursery days and hours plus additonal travel would put me at a loss of ~£600. Going part time would also leave me at a loss because I'd still be paying the same in bills and childcare costs. I feel like I have no choice but to leave once this policy comes into action but there are male colleagues of mine who are: able to work one day a week due to relocations, have manged to negotiate late starts so they can go to the gym, not to mention our HR person (also male) comes into work after me most days and does not even come inot the office regularly himself. I feel like they are pushing me out. Please note my manager is based abroad and I work in comms - similar roles I have done fully remote. This was along the lines of what they emailed us: "Over the past five years the business has operated a discretionary hybrid working trial. This trial was a temporary, non-contractual arrangement and Following a comprehensive review of our operational needs and performance targets, the business has made the strategic decision to formally conclude this trial."

Ive no real help but

• after 5 years it's not really a trial is it. Cstom and practice?
• discrimination against female employees ( or other protected characteristics)
• ACAS
• union
• submit a flexible working request.

I believe though if your contact formally says eg 9-5 in our Oxford office then they can use that to get you to go back.

Have you never worked in the office?

Have you any email/ contemporaneous notes/ letter etc setting out the WFH arrangements?

So you have been doing pick up/drop offs and other child /family stuff during working hours since 2022?

It'll be that you've been working with the kids around - you can't be as productive when you have 3 kids to watch every day after school, and no doubt during school holidays. Effectively you're working 9ish to 3ish every day and logging in later to make up hours, not great.

The fact that you've been WFH for 5 years goes in your favour, as does the seemingly flexible working practice of others. But you need childcare during all your working hours, it's that simple.

What flexibility does your DH have at work, can he do the pickups?

Has your performance suffered due to your juggling work and children at the same time during your working hours?

It’s not unreasonable for an employer to want employees to work standard hours without children around. You have been very lucky so far by the sounds of it. I’d start looking for another job that can accommodate your needs while you accommodate theirs.

I don't understand why topping up the hours later is in any way worse than putting them 9-5. That is the whole point of flexible work. I work like this and I work a hell of a lot more than the men who are in the office talking about football at the kettle for 2 hours a day.

OP I would put in a formal flexible working request. The organisation has to consider it. But the culture seems unwelcoming to women so I would be searching for a new role.

When you say ‘I have managed to work from home with a degree of flexibility’ - has this been formally agreed (picking and choosing your hours), or just something you’ve been doing?

If you are contractually expected to be the office five days a week, they can ask you to do this. Totally
flexibility in hours and office attendance does create it’s own challenges for management, I don’t really hear of any employers still offering this. Most organisations don’t want their employee to be fully remote or only come in once a week.

Have you submitted a formal flexible working request to HR? You should do this as they are obliged to respond and you may be able to agree some kind of flexibility to allow you to meet your various responsibilities.

Your childcare issues (x3) aren’t really your employers issue, and you need to find childcare which allows you to do your job. Most people i know alternate mornings or evenings with their DH to have enough time to commute / do a full working day - you seem to be wanting to cut the day short at both start and end. What’s your DH’s role in childcare?

Guessing you are not in a union?

Have you got any performance review data to back up an assertion that you are as effective now cf previously?

Get official documentation about flexibility offered to others.

Then make your case to carry on as you have been. Stress established pattern etc. Take all emotion out of it.

Am guessing you are a solo parent? If not partner needs to step up. Without quibble.

Edited for typos

you have plenty going on here that makes a case to push back

• after 4 years of the company approving your working arrangement has become an implied term of your contract
• they are legally obliged to consider giving you flexible hours as you have kids and must have a solid reason not to support it like proof that the business suffers if they do
• there is clear discrimination against you due to gender, a protected characteristic under law
• there are clear grounds to claim constructive dismissal

in not sure where you get advice, is there a union at your work?

Yeah this

You need to look at part time roles, its often not as bad as you think financially because of the tax impact. Dont plan on managing to work full time while using no wraparound care, unless you can find a different job where it really is useful to the business to have someone available in the evenings.

Speak to ACAS, Op. There's quite a lot to unpick here. But it's totally inappropriate for anyone to say that you have baby brain, or for you to be treated differently to male colleagues.

Even if op can argue its a "custom arrangement" because she has done it for years, they can change it they just have to give notice.

People have got very entitled about juggling work & kids, its no wonder we have a productivity crisis.

We don't have a productivity crisis. Research shows that hybrid working is more productive.

It sounds like you've been taking the piss OP, sorry.

They have to put their business first and if they are suffering due to the way you've been arranging your work schedule then they are going to have to put things in place to change that.

Why would you have extra nursery days? Have you been looking after your youngest while you WFH some days?

the baby brain comment isn’t on but if they have warned you that your performance has deteriorated then I think you will struggle to argue keeping your current flexibility

why isn’t the children’s father doing some drop-offs and pick-ups?

WFH overall as a location - I’m supportive of all the steps PP mentioned

Yet - why do you not have childcare in place from a local childminder? It’s an open goal frankly

“Most organisations don’t want their employee to be fully remote or only come in once a week”

That’s the thing with anecdotes and opinions. They’re just that, not facts. Expectations vary enormously by sector. Investment banking, manufacturing and healthcare often have very different working patterns from software companies, consulting firms or fully remote businesses. Presenting a personal impression as a universal truth doesn’t make it one.

If I think about everyone I know, and every business I have worked with - WFH arrangements and flexibility on working have become more structured the further we have got from Covid.

There is plenty of data showing the reduction in remote roles / increase in office days / employers saying they want this.

That is the trend, it doesn’t need to be a ‘universal truth’ - and in OP‘s case, the structure is changing and she is not meeting their expectations.

Half of the collapse of flexible working is IMO due to so many people taking the piss. Someone being absent from 3-6 each day then picking up again from 6-9 isn’t that simple if working on activities within a team.

With three young children are you never honestly trying to work while responsible for them?
There could be details here which make either you or your employer unreasonable.
Maybe your DH takes over at 4 while you make up three hours in a private room with no distractions. Maybe you just check your emails while doing dinner and bath for three DC and you miss 9 and 4 meetings.
The baby brain thing is unacceptable.
Have you actually submitted a formal FWA for caring responsibilities? You might be able to come up with a compromise. One day WFH and late starts for example. But not late starts, early finishes and three days WFH.

Have you been WFH with your youngest there? Is that what you mean by needing extra nursery days to go to the office? If so, this is wildly inappropriate. How are you actually working and actually looking after your toddler?

Whilst I know you’re saying you log in and make the time up later, this is a hard situation for a manager to manage. How do they know you’re making the time back? What if they need to have meetings between 3 and 5 say? It’s difficult.

I completely agree it sounds like they are trying to force your hand but it doesn’t sound like you’re helping yourself.

The comments aren’t ok either.

Who has been looking after your DC while you've been working so far OP?
It surely wouldn't be extra nursery hours as they are already in nursery.

Paying transport costs to get to work is a fact of life that many people deal with on a daily basis.

Are you a trade union member? They should be able to help you with this.

Your opinion. It's not true though. The data shows people really don't take the piss, they typically perform better when given a choice about how they best work.

The return to office calls are typically made by men who panic that women have a foothold they couldn't have before and by people who own commercial real estate which sits empty.

From what you have said, it sounds as if you may have a potential case for constructive dismissal.
I am not an lawyer though so I would speak to your union if you have one or an employment lawyer. Have you formally requested flexible arrangements?

Put in a formal request for flexible working. But do this trying to work out something that is reasonable so that they really can't refuse. So you said other colleagues WFH some days or have late starts. A good request will details how the flexible working will operate and having examples of how it's working for others certainly helps.
It does sound like you are doing everything at home though. Do you have a DP who can step in and cover say 2 days pickups so you could offer up some days 9 to 5 in office?

Contact Pregnant then screwed for advice:
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