Return to Office policy will make it impossible for me to work!

[SamSam786R]

I started my job four years ago under a hybrid policy, although my contract stated it was 9-5, Mon-Fri. In these four years I have managed to work from home and office with a degree of flexibility. After I got pregnant with my third child and returned from mat leave in April 2025 things changed drastically. They tried to remove all flexibilty that I had (rigid 9-5 working hours when I had worked reduced hours in the office and made the time up in the evenings). I've subjected to nasty comments like 'You have baby brain' and 'your performance has suffered since you got pregnant'. Now I must juggle two pick ups (kids and nursery) the school doesnt offer afterschool provision and I cannot move them. My child is settled in nursery but the 9-5 hours wont allow me to pick him up on time - I'm alrrady stressed and sick at the thought of being late to pick up and work. For me to return to the office five days is impossible and extra nursery days and hours plus additonal travel would put me at a loss of ~£600. Going part time would also leave me at a loss because I'd still be paying the same in bills and childcare costs. I feel like I have no choice but to leave once this policy comes into action but there are male colleagues of mine who are: able to work one day a week due to relocations, have manged to negotiate late starts so they can go to the gym, not to mention our HR person (also male) comes into work after me most days and does not even come inot the office regularly himself. I feel like they are pushing me out. Please note my manager is based abroad and I work in comms - similar roles I have done fully remote. This was along the lines of what they emailed us: "Over the past five years the business has operated a discretionary hybrid working trial. This trial was a temporary, non-contractual arrangement and Following a comprehensive review of our operational needs and performance targets, the business has made the strategic decision to formally conclude this trial."

Peoples' memories do seem to be very short around caring for children whilst working. Are there many of us left who remember needing childcare so you could both work and commute 😬

Work should be your priority during working hours. You can’t expect an employer to pay you a full salary while you spend it doing childcare. You need to take reduced hours and reduced pay if you want to prioritise your children during work hours.And prioritising your kids during working hours unless there is an emergency makes you a pretty crap parent as you set a very bad example for everyone.

The comments are awful.

But OP's responses on this thread do suggest that she is more focussed on looking after her children than doing her job, which is the business way of saying the same thing.

I work for a large organisation and calls to return to the office have been strongly pushed back on by women with children in particular. They are adamant that they are the victims of sex discrimination despite clearly having patriarchal set-ups at home which means it all falls to them. They need to be insisting their male partners step up, not actively excluding themselves from the workplace.

But if the male partners work in an equally inflexible workplace then the organisations are complicit.

It’s all part of a big cycle though, if women and men start off earning the same (they often don’t) then women take maternity leaves because of biology whilst the man’s salary continues to grow at an important time in their career it means the man reducing his hours to suit childcare needs often results in a much higher reduction in household income. This is partly why it so often falls to women, because the financial impact of splitting these things equally is worse for the family.

And then the whole cycle continues because the women’s salary and progression stagnates further and is more behind the man’s.

Of course it isn’t always like this but I see it so much, especially where families have more than one child and where women went into lowering paying careers to start with.

Marry someone else who will take parental leave. I did...

I worked on a contract with an exec’s EA who’d had her first baby who was almost a year old and was WFH. She worked when he slept. It worked well at first but as he got a bit older, she soon realised it didn’t work and she put him in a nursery. She had a hybrid working model. That’s what most parents do, think of a solution and place both the same importance on work and children.

so it just so happens the male partners work in an inflexible organisation? The more likely position is that the fathers don’t want to do the pick-up/drop - off……

But the issues with her work have already arisen, so a union won’t help. They can give advice. It’s like insurance. You need to have it in place before any problems occur. And I’m not sure you’ll necessarily be entitled to UC.

This would all be fine and dandy if her boss was not making allowances for male colleagues who want to start/finish early so they can go to the gym.

If someone was truly working the standard hours, but taking time out to pick up kids etc, then they'd effectively be committing fraud, and yes, should have their hours cut to the nimber they actually work...but here were talking about fitting in the rest of the hours in the evening, or maybe weekend...flexible working, not just less!

I do wonder if that comment was made by the OP to make her complaint look more reasonable. There are clearly some issues with her work (see her previous thread on this) and quite honestly she sounds a bit of a nightmare to manage.

The bit about chosing to go onto UC finished me off.

The "Baby Brain" comments need to be addressed. That's unacceptable.

It seems as though OP is a
not performing up to standard and maybe that is because she is focused on her kids and not on her work.

It is possible that the people who are having flexibility are perfor.ing well so their timing isn't an issue. It could be because they are are blokes.

The main thing is now OP needs to show she is working up to standard, requests flexible working (with a plan and a backup plan of how that will look), addresses the unacceptable comments and gets her DH to step up more.

And looks for a more suitable job

We know npthimg of colleafue's circs and whether they are underpinned by OH or Flex working agreements.

ACAS are hard work because they have to be impartial. I’ve found you have to read between the lines with what they tell you.

The male colleagues are allowed flexibility now, as is the OP. The return to office mandate appears to be new/coming at some point in the future, and appears to be being applied to the whole company not just OP.

In my team, those that work 9-5 work 40 hour weeks. Those that live their life around their work tend to work 50 hours a week as they log on whenever to do their work including weekends

I am not sure that is entirely correct!

It is with any union I have been a part of. Three months minimum before they can assist and they can’t assist with things that happened before you joined.

what bit do you think is incorrect? in my union you can't get help for things that started prior to membership under most circs, and there is a 3 month period where you can get certain advice and benefits but not legal representation.

Fuck me, this is everything that's wrong with this country. OP, no-one made you have three children - why should other, hardworking people who get off their arses to work and provide forvtheir families be subsidising you? We're talking other parents here.

Disgusting.

5 years is a long trial, but companies are not obliged to roll with your change of circumstances.
Struggles you have with childcare are really not their problem.
My feeling is that most businesses get less done with their workers working from home- I expect a return to majority of hours being done from the office going forward.
There are lots of arguments for and against this, but in the end it is the companies decision.
Anyone who expected to be able to WFH permanently after Covid was indulging in wishful thinking.

Yes, there are huge systemic issues from living under patriarchy. Telling a woman she has baby brain is appalling but sadly pretty minor in the scheme of things.

But it’s a choice to impose patriarchy on one’s own family set up. It’s a choice to have children with a partner who won’t treat you and your career as equally important. It’s (almost always) a choice to take one or more maternity leaves of a year or more, instead of splitting time off with partner. It’s a choice to prioritise the man’s career instead of saying ‘it’s my time to catch up now’. It’s a choice to become default parent because he ‘can’t’ carve out any flexibility.

I admittedly live in something of a progressive bubble, but my female friends would simply not stand for this from their male partners, and my male friends and colleagues have almost all taken parental leave and changed working hours to do childcare. And that’s in a variety of sectors and occupations, including ones that are not traditionally flexible.

I think women don’t do themselves favours with the baby brain thing. You hear women saying it all the time about themselves including on here. There’s a woman a my work who always jokes she has baby brain when she makes a mistake. Her “baby” is almost 3. None of her mistakes are serious and we know it’s only a joke. Even things like forgetting what day it is she’ll say oh my I thought it was Tuesday! It’s my baby brain! She’s been saying it for the past 2 years since coming back from maternity leave. Others now joke with her. Oh there’s your baby brain again! And she laughs along and agrees. But others hear this including men. But then we tell people in other circumstances using the term baby brain is bad. So I think women need to stop using the term as well.