My work insisting I refer to a 9 year old as they/them

[TheMadGardener]

I work in a British primary school. Just started new term. Long standing pupil, a girl, is starting Year 5 now so she is 9 years old. No issues until now although parents are quite "alternative/new age."

Headteacher has informed staff that according to the child and her parents this girl has decided to be non-binary. Staff are now to refer to her as they/them and she is now using a gender-neutral shortened version of her name (think Alex instead of Alexandra or Jo instead of Joanna).

I am extremely uncomfortable with this and will definitely not be using they/them - I will be referring to the child by her chosen abbreviation to avoid using pronouns (at least it's a shortening of her real name rather than a made-up name).

Serious question: I thought new legislation discouraged schools from getting on board with this sort of thing? Or is it only they can't let children do it without parents knowing?

I'm finding it very hard to keep my mouth shut on my actual opinions in the presence of headteacher. (Colleagues I've spoken to on the quiet all think it is bullshit too)

Obviously be careful at parents evening!

You need to make sure before you use words like her/she, that you aren't going to find yourself in trouble.

The OP won't be using words like he or she. The OP will be avoiding third-person pronouns altogether.

No school policy could ever enforce the active use use of preferred pronouns. Schools have to follow the Nolan Principles of public life, which means being objective. It is not objective to enforce adherence to a belief in gender identity.

As I’ve said on here before, schools policies don’t trump the law.

Mad. Who on earth let's 9 year olds think in such bizarre ways. This country is obsessed with the oddest things. 9 year olds know nothing and lots of the couldn't spell non binary let alone define it.

It’s very well documented how children are naturally accepting,

And by that you mean easily programmed, which is where all this normalising falls apart, because they're not. My 'lived experience' has me laughing out loud at this suggestion, get a job as a dinner lady, and speak from experience not 'well documented' hearsay.
Is the 'well documented' part the same as 'every scientist says sex is a spectrum' knowledge. 😂

SMT are afraid of the kids parents. That’ll get messy

And what happens if a child identifies as a cat who wants the teacher to use cat pronouns? Should the teacher have to go along with that too?

Agree about having the legal position checked.

In any case, referring to everyone by name regardless of their preference or that of their parents is better in my opinion, than using pronouns.

My adult DD identifies as non-binary and uses the ladies toilets and ladies changing rooms (just to clear that one up).

I also think it’s bullshit, but it’s my child so I just have to accept it. I avoid using pronouns, basically and there’s been no name change (even from quite a girly name - there’s no short form of it either).

WRT the 9 year old in question I’d just go along w the ‘they’ - it’s not your child and has no bearing on your life - you can all think it’s BS in the staff room (I also worked in a school a few years ago and it’s where I first learned about ‘non-binary’ around 8 years ago. Conversation went like this ‘So-and-so is non-binary?’ ‘Really, what’s that?’ We just hadn’t come across that ID before, now it’s everywhere and DD is the embodiment of it!

Surely using their name in place of she works in this instance.

They are a child and trying to find their way in the world and the adults around would be better gently guiding them instead of outright no-ing.

By refusing to stop calling them she, you're just causing hard blocks.

Sorry to hear this, OP. If it was me in charge of the school I would ignore the parents request, tell them "no" and report a safeguarding issue. But sadly this insane transnonsense is endemic in education, particularly in the teaching unions and most local councils .

I work in a school, too, luckily not a teacher and near retirement age with no mortgage. I would not affirm this nonsense and damn the consequences. I am a member of the Free Speech Union though and could get support from them should I be threatened with the sack. I strongly suggest you go on their website and get advice/join forthwith. Good luck .

Suggesting that a teacher not affirming to both this girl and all of her peers that she is some nebulous combination of both or neither sex is somehow hurting that child is such sick manipulation. Vile. Those hurting this child, this NINE year old are those who introduced the idea, and those who double down by suggesting reality will ‘hurt’ her.

It is people like that, @TransParentlyAnnoyed, who are abusing power. You’re not being kind, no matter how much you tell yourself you are.

"Lots of the" probably should have checked before suggesting another group can't spell.

Pretty sure at 9 they can spell binary? But I'm possibly out of the loop on that.

What nonsense. It absolutely is OP's business if she is being expected to join in with and support a fantasy she does not believe in or agree with.

The child can feel however he/she likes, but he/she has to live in the real world, not just a bubble created by his/her parents. Whether the child is male or female is a scientific fact and it is not in the slightest unkind if the OP refers to the child using the pronouns correct to his/her sex.

What would be unkind would be letting the child think they can impose their unscientific ideas on others and force other people to comply with their self-obsessed delusions.

The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC) protects a child's right to hold, share, and express their own thoughts, beliefs, and opinions through several key articles.

As a primary educator, I follow the articles. It doesn’t matter what my thoughts and opinions are, I respect those of the children in my care.

It's not particularly kind to the other children, is it? Schools should not be promoting this. If the child wants special treatment that's fine - but not at school.

Sadly, it is the thin end of the wedge to affirm a delusion. Best to stick to honesty and use the correct sex specific words. It is not kind to affirm delusion.

It is never "kind" to affirm a delusion, particularly to a child. That "kindness" is a safeguarding issue.

I work in schools. I know of a 3 year old in a nursery who "is" non-binary.

Parents insist on they/them pronouns.

Child obviously hasn't got a clue.

All the staff think it's ludicrous but feel they have to go along with it.

Parents are not always right.

This. Just use their name.
It’s ok to be opposed to kids making life changing decisions that will seriously impact them forever. But if they want to be referred to as a specific name or pronoun you treat it as if you had a friend whose real name is Beverley but she’s always gone by Belinda. You wouldn’t deliberately call her Beverley… I hope.

Use of opposite sex toilets is banned by the new statutory safeguarding guidance, the school initiating social transition is also strongly discouraged without appropriate medical oversight in statutory safeguarding guidance.

The school are breaching their safeguarding duties by requiring this of you which is in opposition to KCSIE

This. Well said.

I think you should re-read your last sentence and give it serious consideration!!!

Catch them young, watch them grow….

🙄

Misgendered - nonsense 😕
cis boys - rude. boys will suffice, unless you are happy to 'misgender boys'.