He's on the pitch, a foot away from the goal line. All he has to do is to tap the ball and it will roll straight in. The defence are at a party and eating sandwiches. Goalie is tying his shoelaces at the other end of the goal.
And yet Starmer still manages to get it up the other end of the pitch and into his own net - another home goal for the feckless Labour Leader.
Tories 1: Labour nil yet again.
Not scored in nearly a decade.
Surely it is time to hang up those boots?