DD 13 asked me if I was a T**F

[NotZenEnough]

She was talking to the cool, woke babysitter this afternoon and said, 'my mum doesn't think someone can be born in the wrong body'. Can't get to the bottom of it because DD thinks I am THE most annoying person on the planet and won't tell me everything but I think babysitter told her I must be a T**F. Babysitter just finished A'levels, (politics social sciences type) very bright young woman, I thought brighter than this, but she also told DD there are lots of different types of feminist. One type isn't really feminist, they just hate men!
I really like this babysitter (although I will try not to use her again), but the worst bit is that it just feels depressing that clever young women who should be thinking for themselves are swallowing the misogyny so wholeheartedly, I know there are some brilliant inspiring young people on twitter, but not enough.
Daughter seems to have really gone off me now.

That's horrifying. I'd be utterly furious.

I am afraid I don't understand your post. Could you explain in plain English, please? What does Twitter have to do with this? And what is a T**F? (Sorry - realise I could Google this, but I am on MN at the mo).

Definition : "TERF" is short for "trans exclusionary radical feminist". The term is used by trans advocates to describe feminists who oppose the inclusion of trans people in female spaces and organizations, whereas those it is applied to see it as a mischaracterization and a slur.

Why is it seen to be an insult?

What do you mean your daughter has gone off you? Have you explained your position properly?

@BlackType

And what is a TF?

A TERF. Acronym for Trans Exclusory Radical Feminist. Term of abuse for women who don't support self ID or won't accept that Transgender people (in the broadest sense of the term) become the opposite sex. Considered pretty unpleasant thing to call people on MN.

Could you explain in plain English, please?

OP's grasp of English seems fine to me. OP is upset that daughter asked if she was a TERF for the reasons given above. OP is pissed off that babysitter has waaay overstepped the line.

@OP.

I would feel shit at hearing something like that too. If it were me I'd ask the babysitter about it- going gently and trying to unpick her reasoning.

Repeating nonsense seen online does not mean someone is lost to idiocy, just that they haven't engaged their critical thinking skills or are concluding from insufficient data.

Try not to take it too personally, and if you get chance, give her some more data.

I would never use her again and send her a strongly worded message to say why.
Cheeky madam. That's an insult as far as I'm concerned.

Starsandwater, just feel sad up about it. Can't muster the energy for fury! Sometimes it seems like all young people are on the side of the TRA.

I am afraid I would have gone ballistic been very firm and told the babysitter not to use abusive language in my house. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but that's not an acceptable word to use IMO - up there with b*ch and c*t.

Why is it seen to be an insult?

1. I've almost never seen it used as anything other than an insult.

1. It no longer means what the initials stand for. If it did, it would only be used to describe radical feminists.

1. It's almost never used on men. Like bitch, feisty, hysterical etc it carries implied ideas about what women should be like (though I would argue that TERF is more obviously offensive, like bitch).

1. It's usually used with other abuse. The abuse directed at women by AWAs who use this word is awful. People who want to engage in respectful debate don't use it.

Oh jeeeze. Whilst I totes feel for you op, your post did quite make me laugh. Can you even imagine this is the type of thing we ever THOUGHT we would have to be worrying about when were young. Like 10-15 years ago.... ?

"TERF" is not a descriptive term. It is the 21st century equivalent of "witch" which is why it gets followed by phrases like "die in a fire", "can choke on my lady dick", "should be punched."

Any one who thinks it's a descriptive phrase needs to sit down for an hour or two and read the screen grabs on the terf is a slur website.

Quite Fermats
Makes me furious.

@donquixotedelamancha thank you!
The thing is I think this young woman would consider herself quite well informed. She's definitely politically engaged and intellectually switched on.

I don't think I will go out of my way to talk to her about it, but if it ever comes up I have a stash of resources I can embarrass her in to reading! 

@SmiledWithTheRisingSun ha! I know!!!

Well at least there was no talk of ladydick Fermat, although, surely if intelligent young women were even aware of the term 'Lady-dick' it would be game-over..... surely......

TERF really irritates me.

Its just really NOT radical to think that someone born with a penis is not a woman.

It is what 99.9% of the population think. And it is scientific fact.

Its just a boogey word as has been said her.

Because its very hard to demonise someone who says a man is not a woman.

I wouldn't be letting that go, I'd be wanting to talk to the young lady myself calmly about why she called me a derogatory name to my young daughter and ask her why. Young people are arrogant and sometimes that needs to be challenged.

I also wouldn't let it go.

It's actually really funny to think that people like my 88 year old mum (who can't even stand married women keeping their own name) are radical feminists.

I have some fab discussions on my terfery with DD2.
She argues but she knows the truth I think.

I don't get what 'woke' is.
Be glad to be a TERF!

I'd ask my daughter what she thought it meant and explain it a bit more to her.

I'd use the babysitter again - assuming she's reliable? But I'd say that my daughter asked me about the word, and again ask the babysitter what she thought it meant and why. Make it clear that stuff she said to my daughter would come back to me and that she would be asked about it.

Sacking her and never-darken-my-door-again seems like a big overreaction to me.

Whether you are a terf or not, it was not the babysitters place to name call. She could instead have raised both sides of the debate and let DD decide what she thinks for herself.

Like what FFSFFSFFS said but feel that perhaps in today's environment it is actually possible "to demonise someone who says a man is not a woman", and I get impression that this is happening in some arenas of modern discourse..

It's the equivalent of saying "your mum's a bitch". Would you tolerate her saying that, and keep hiring her? If not then don't tolerate this, and tell her why you're not hiring her again.

It is not the place of the babysitter to educate the children and turn them away from the parents. In any other context this would be considered a dangerous form of grooming.