DD 13 asked me if I was a T**F

[NotZenEnough]

She was talking to the cool, woke babysitter this afternoon and said, 'my mum doesn't think someone can be born in the wrong body'. Can't get to the bottom of it because DD thinks I am THE most annoying person on the planet and won't tell me everything but I think babysitter told her I must be a T**F. Babysitter just finished A'levels, (politics social sciences type) very bright young woman, I thought brighter than this, but she also told DD there are lots of different types of feminist. One type isn't really feminist, they just hate men!
I really like this babysitter (although I will try not to use her again), but the worst bit is that it just feels depressing that clever young women who should be thinking for themselves are swallowing the misogyny so wholeheartedly, I know there are some brilliant inspiring young people on twitter, but not enough.
Daughter seems to have really gone off me now.

Meh. Just tell her she's fired.

Just googled terf bangs, and I have terf bangs.

Haha, so did Emma Watson at one point. The TRAs didn't like it.

Don't see anything wrong with her informing your daughter of a side of an argument, just because you believe strongly that you are correct doesn't mean that your daughter at 13 isn't entitled to hear all views and make a decision for herself if she wants to stand for equality and with trans rights, or peddle lies and hatred against vulnerable trans people.

I'd happily have the babysitter back

Firing her is actually extremely problematic and unfair, you are punishing her for holding a widely held political view and exposing your daughter to a range of views and opinions. Do you really want your daughter to be brought up coddled and hidden away from the view that a majority of women in the UK support?

orangesnail " a view that the majority of women in the uk support"
Sure!
Yesh coz wanting women and children to keep their hard fought for rights is hatred against trans people
#Brainwashed

Emma Watson posted a pic of herself wearing a "trans rights are human rights" she tagged stonewall too

orangesnail it’s not about her views but surely about the fact it is completely inappropriate for her to insult the OP to her own daughter

SlothSlothSloth It depends on your perspective about if it is in fact an insult, to the babysitter and hopefully to the OPs daughter, it is at its core a descriptive name to describe a set of political and ideological views in opposition to trans rights. While people here may see it as an insult, that is not the only perspective and almost certainly not what was intended by the babysitter.

We don't even know that it was the baby-sitter who told the OPs daughter the term, she may have informed herself independently online of the facts, something I would hope we would all agree is a healthy thing for a 13 year old girl to be doing.... unless you think she should just be brainwashed into thinking what her mother believes.

OkPedro There is absolutely no conflict between the rights of women who are not trans and women who are, it is a total fiction to think that this is the case. I am not the one here who is brainwashed.

I had discussions/arguments with my daughter (just 19) about this before she went to university. She said I was a TERF when she saw a few things I'd retweeted. Nothing in the least hateful, things from Janice Turner, women's rights being eroded, put in danger etc.

I tried to discuss but, honestly, her mind was closed to any other interpretation. She just saw it as me being unaccepting of trans people as a whole. She thought I was acting as people 40 yrs ago might have thought about gay people. When I tried to explain things like self-ID she felt I was scaremongering.

Tbh, I gave up. She's not stupid, but she's young and naive enough not to get it. I think a lot of young ppl would be the same, they haven't had enough life experience to see the underlying issues and think I/we are "old fogies" who are prejudiced in some way.

The conflict is you thinking that trans women and women are the same.
I have no issue with trans people.
I have an issue with the word terf being used against anyone who dares to object to the GRC being a free for all

BagelGoesWalking Fact is you are acting in the same way that people thought about gay people, and some who still do today (who coincidentally fund the anti-trans faux-feminist groups that are so vocal against the push for increased trans equality and rights). Your daughter sounds like a well informed and independently thinking person who isn't falling into the thinking of parents just because their parents think because they are older that they are right.

OkPedro Except trans women are women. And your objection to the term is the same basis as people who oppose gay rights moaning about being called homophobes and people who oppose racial equality being called racists.

If it helps OP, my dds find my terfiness amusing. They're older than your dd and they thought I was a bigot when they were her age. They're gender critical now but like to get me exercised.

I love the idea of challenging the babysitter. If I had to go back to when mine were younger and had this situation, I'd start by asking questions. Like what do you mean? Do you believe in gender? Etc. If you don't get anywhere then I wouldn't use her again.

Orangesnail you're boring me. Blah blah. Never heard that before.

Lol at all the ploppers on this thread!

Op, I would be very upset and it would ruin my trust in the babysitter. I don't let people who disrespect me in my own home have close access and influence over my children - even my teen.

I'd call her out on it. I'd call her and say can you explain why you called your employer a t**f?

it is at its core a descriptive name to describe a set of political and ideological views in opposition to trans rights

Except that it doesn't describe any specific set of political and ideological views and most women who have it foisted on them do not oppose "trans rights" but merely some very specific possible outcomes of self-ID being enshrined in law.

Wish I could remember where I read this (probably here) but someone said women spend the first 16/18 years of their life receiving the most deeply embedded, pernicious misogynist socialisation, and the rest of their lives teaching themselves to see and unpick it.

At 18, no matter how clever you are, how much sexism are you really aware of experiencing? How much are you aware of sexism in the world outside your own, pretty small experience? Old women like us (25+) can't possibly understand. 

Given time, and some leading questions, both the babysitter and your DD will come round.

Still pretty off that she expected you to pay her for telling daughter you're a bitch, like.

ShamelesslyPlacemarking Opposing self-ID, regardless of the false concerns that people have about it, does not give you a free pass from being transphobic. Opposing self-ID is opposing trans rights.

FoldyRoll trans equality is not sexist, trans women are women and have the right to be treated by the law and society as the women that they are. They are adult human females, and denying their existence is transphoia.

Transphobic is thrown around so much it's become meaningless.

BlackShutters Thats the same line that homopbobes and racists take when they are called out and criticised for their homophobia and sexism. Have some self awareness lmfao

Orangesnail, what is a woman? If you say adult human female, then what does female mean?