DD 13 asked me if I was a T**F

[NotZenEnough]

She was talking to the cool, woke babysitter this afternoon and said, 'my mum doesn't think someone can be born in the wrong body'. Can't get to the bottom of it because DD thinks I am THE most annoying person on the planet and won't tell me everything but I think babysitter told her I must be a T**F. Babysitter just finished A'levels, (politics social sciences type) very bright young woman, I thought brighter than this, but she also told DD there are lots of different types of feminist. One type isn't really feminist, they just hate men!
I really like this babysitter (although I will try not to use her again), but the worst bit is that it just feels depressing that clever young women who should be thinking for themselves are swallowing the misogyny so wholeheartedly, I know there are some brilliant inspiring young people on twitter, but not enough.
Daughter seems to have really gone off me now.

I'm afraid I would be sending a strongly worded message to the effect that if she ever used such a defamatory term about me (her employer!!) to my DD again, and ever attempted to groom my DD into accepting men into her safe spaces again then she wouldn't set foot through my door.

TERF is clearly used in a derogatory way - the suggestion that it’s neutral is ridiculous (as is the new ‘most TERFs are men’ nonsense that surfaced around twitter this’s week, in denial that TRAs are misogynistic).

However, I find writing it in all little letters ‘terf’ and referring to myself as ‘terfy mcterfface’ to my kids (and our house as ‘terfville’ and my mum mates as ‘terf club’) demonstrates the absurdity of it all.

I'm missing the point of the thread but has anyone else noticed that 'woke' is the new buzzword on Mumsnet, it's taken over from 'doxxing/ doxing'. These words seem to make it over here about 6 months after the rest of the Internet start using them. I know it's not relevant but makes me smile

orangesnail do you really genuinely believe that people change sex?
Or that sex is the same as gender?

"Woke" is an American term, it's been used in lefty circles there for years. I think it was mainly used by black Americans.
It's kind of like "politically correct" which started out in the 70s being used to mean the same thing (aware of social inequality,lefty) but also became a term of mockery.

But, yeah, MN does love to get a buzzword and run with it!

My kids definitely think I'm a terf.
Bollocks to it.
I'm working to safeguard women and girls, and I won't stop because my naive and trusting teens think that makes me a meaniepants.
They'll grow up, they'll see it.

Ifnot I'm aware of it's origins, it just makes me laugh that there can't be a trans thread without talk of 'woke' people. It's good to let people know you're down with the kids

Yes, the word 'woke' appears to have become trendy in recent times. I hate it.

Am quite happy to be called a 'TERF', not that anyone does really. These issues don't come up very often in real life.

So she’s taking your money and sitting insulting you to your Dd
Cheeky fucker!

Yeah I don't think I have EVER heard the term "Terf" in my real life-only seen it on here and Twitter.

Sadly I’ve heard that word quite a lot recently from my family, who have all decided I’m a poisonous terfy bigot

I announced myself as a 'TERF' recently to son and his friends and they fell about laughing. He'd not heard the term before but one of his friends had and explained. Which made them fall about laughing even more. There's nothing funny about being a TERF and nothing wrong with it either.

I would take it at face value.

“I don’t know enough about feminist theory to definitely say I am radical, but I am a feminist. I believe that gender is a construct that hurts everyone. Men and women can only be meaningfully defined according to their biology, so I do not agree that a trans woman is actually a woman. Therefore I might be a TEF. I believe that all people have value because they are human not because they are male or female.”

I would raise it with the babysitter, but play dumb. Innocently ask what this terf word is that your dc mentioned, because you're not down with the woke kids and you have no idea what it means. Then just curiously ask about her views - does she not think it's a bit silly that people think they need to change bodies just because they don't fit in with 1950s gender stereotypes? Give her something to think about in a totally non-aggressive way 

There seem to be a number of people on FWR tonight who have never heard of the most basic terms in this debate. rather , er, surprising.

^ because the threads are in active

This misogynist would never be left looking after my children again. Anyone who uses such terms against women, and especially against the person who employs them, is not fit to look after kids.

And yes, those claiming its a totally neutral word, and so on really need to check out terfisaslur.com for how it is used. Imagine the size of that site now if it had kept being updates. Also worth a look, is the 'cotton ciling' section. Which should tell you all you need to know about what 'trans' means today, and quite what transactivists are wanting. And explain why its just ridiculous to claim 'transphobia' is anything like homophobia. Its transactivists/'transgender' people (not to be confused with transsexuals) who are the homophobic ones

I think terf is quite a nice word. Needs reclaiming

Terfing around

Mega-TERF here! Yes Branleuse, we should reclaim it, though I didn't know we'd lost it.

I can't imagine Terfing around though, with whom would I TERF around?

I’ve started reading the word TERF in a more positive tone. Trans women cannot be women and if that makes me a TERF so fucking be it. I’m not really bothered anymore.

I rather envy the naivety of youth, thinking that feminism is obsolete and there are no problems whatsoever with male-bodied people sharing intimate spaces with female-bodied people

T**F = woman who can tell the difference between a woman and a man in a dress?

Hell of a lot of us, if so!