Come and share stories about positive support you've had from other women :-)

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I wanted to start a thread about the sense of support and community I sometimes feel very strongly, both on MN and in RL. I thought maybe we could share some positive stories, and maybe get to thinking about what is so important about community and shared experience for women. I don't just mean women-only spaces, but all sorts of times when you've felt picked up and cared for by the support of other women.

The background to this post is a trip I got back from last week. I went abroad, and I've never been so far away or visited this country before, and not to put too fine a point on it, I was really nervous and stressed about the whole idea. But not one, but two feminists - women I'd never met before in real life - rallied round to help me find places to stay and work out how to best get on. And both of them met up with me during my stay, and we had a ball. And it just made me feel an amazing sense of community, that women from halfway across the world could all meet up, with very different beliefs (really! One is a devout Orthodox Christian and the other an atheist academic), and still be so kind and supportive.

I just thought it was amazing, and it made me very proud to be a feminist. So ... over to you.

. just marking place for tomorrow.

I believe we have already established a fine sense of community lusting after appreciating the actors of Game of Thrones, oracle.

I've helped get a woman out of an abusive relationship. Packed her precious things and we had to go quickly before he came back. He did phone round her family and friends that night, they told him to eff off. He had her phone numbers which he poached, which made me feel really sad for some reason.

You know, it is interesting you say that artex. I think it was SGM who told me that things like baby showers and so on, which have a similar bad press, actually can help with postnatal depression because they reflect the support of the community.

Maybe it's the same thing?

The school gate mums at my village are lovely.
You read on here about all these awful competitive cliques and stuff but where my kids go to school the mums are not only supportive of each other, they also take delight in other people's children's achievements. I've lost count of the times other mums have said lovely things to me about things my kids have done.

I also want to put in a word for old ladies, since I met another nice one today. Not only do they often jump into action holding babies or entertaining toddlers on the bus, they also say unprovoked nice stuff about the kids. I get a sense of solidarity from them and a sense that they believe it takes a village to raise a child.

Will post tomorrow

I also just thought of a quotation that for me sums up some of the most positive stuff about women and community. It's by Elizabeth Blackwell, and she says 'What is done or learned by one class of women becomes, by virtue of their common womanhood, the property of all women' (I don't think she means 'class' in the class sense, just group, btw).

I love that because it is so diametrically opposed to the stereotypical view of how education or achievement work in the (male dominated) spheres.

I guess this thread might be a little way of countering some of the bad press - because so many things that are supportive of female networking, and woman-to-woman support get mocked, don't they? Like 'gossip' - I don't know if this is right, but I heard that the word originally comes from 'god-sibling' or 'good-sibling', as in, the friend you were brought up with most closely. And now it comes to mean, not a nice bond, but a trivial kind of talk.

I was off the belief that men gossiped more than women. They love a good natter. I help out at a carer's and toddlers group and also at a senior citizen's dinner group. All the helper's are women. I went to all my children's carer's and toddlers groups and loved who I met. Each and everyone of them.

LRD - I never heard that before, about "gossip". Interesting! Well, a year or so back I put up a fellow MNetter and her family in Belgium during the volcanic ash palavar. And last week we were in the UK and they came to visit us.

And we talked about how such a random thing had made us good friends when we would never normally have met each other in RL. And she listened and gave me a really good talking to about all the (work) stress in my life at the moment and gave me some REALLY good advice on how to improve things. And she was really understanding and lovely.

It was just SO nice. DH never really seems to get it, and when I see friends here I don't like to waste the evening talking about such stuff too much. Good karma!

I've found an incredible sense of community from women on mumsnet especially- the shineys thread, who'll I'll always be friends with, we've really seen each other through thick and thin. Shiney saved Christmas for me by sending my eldest some presents after I'd mentioned that i had no surprise presents for her, just something I'd bought that dd knew about. She sent a parcel of lovely little surprises, and insisted I didnt say it wasn't from me. And other more ad hoc groups and individual friendships since. I feel really privileged to have got to know some people here. When people bang on about bitchiness and bullying here, they are totally missing what actually goes on.

TSC - that is so good to hear. Because now I think, antenatal groups are another one people claim are unsupportive spaces ... sounds like there is a pattern here!

I think the thing about gossip, to me (just working this through) is that it is seen as a negative quality, as if saying that women (or men) 'gossip' is in some way negative, or an accusation that you've got to refute if you want to be any sort of progressive woman. But maybe it's word we could do with reclaiming.

Another wonderfully supportive female bond I have that doesn't fit the stereotype, is my MIL. She is just the loveliest person and she has really made me feel I have a family bond with her.

Oh, wow, sorry, cross posted with both of you there.

porto - well, I could be wrong about the etymology. Hazy memory. But medieval people do definitely say 'god-sib'. I do think MN is a great resource for putting people in touch across the world in a way we couldn't have done pre-internet. I love it.

Bof - well said! I do like the MN Christmas present threads. Actually, as well ...I know some people probably think this is boring/not very feministy, but last Christmas there was a lovely, gentle thread of women making home-made Christmas presents as none of us had much cash, and that felt very supportive too.

Btw, I have now looked up the 'gossip' thing and it's true, it's from god-sib. We kept 'god-parent' as a word but lost 'god-sib'.

Lovely idea for a thread, and I have some things to add, but a little bit uncomfortable about one of the participants and afraid this might all go wrong. So, marking my lace for tomorrow in the hope that I'm wrong. :)

I once crossed to Atlantic to attend a work event. I met various women at said event and we travelled back to the city where I was due to fly out from together (they lived there). I felt extremely unwell and had done for some days. One of the woman offered to take me to see a doctor the next day (- day before I was due to fly back). That night I feel into a diabetic coma (previously I was unaware that I was a diabetic). The woman came to pick me up in the morning and when she couldn't get me to answer she went for the owner of guesthouse I was staying in. When they found me, they called an ambulance and the woman accompanied me to hospital. I was in intensive care for a few days while my blood sugar was controlled and in hospital a further ten until I was allowed to leave. This woman came and visited me nearly everyday, bringing me stuff and generally being useful in a way that hospitals in that country expect of relations (ie, most non expert nursing duties). The other woman also visited regularly, she also went and fought with the airline and got my flight changed twice. She also investigated my handbag and found my DH's details and informed him what happened.
Back here,when this was all known I was deluged by phone calls from female colleagues and acquaintances asking how I was. A group of mainly female friends clubbed together and paid for my DH to fly to see me and accompany me back home.
I have never felt so looked after and loved in my life. I had only been in the country I currently reside for a short time by that point and had few real friends, I also knew nobody in the country where I fell ill. I was overwhelmed by it all tbh.

Crossed the Atlantic.
sorry.

loopy - I hope not. But it would be ridiculous to pretend I don't know what you mean. I wanted to start this thread to focus on the positives, because I am not going to sit around watching a good place for women, like MN, turn nasty.

artex - marches, absolutely!

Crikey, catita.

That must have been so scary.

You're doing a stirling job as always LRD. :)