Come and share stories about positive support you've had from other women :-)

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I wanted to start a thread about the sense of support and community I sometimes feel very strongly, both on MN and in RL. I thought maybe we could share some positive stories, and maybe get to thinking about what is so important about community and shared experience for women. I don't just mean women-only spaces, but all sorts of times when you've felt picked up and cared for by the support of other women.

The background to this post is a trip I got back from last week. I went abroad, and I've never been so far away or visited this country before, and not to put too fine a point on it, I was really nervous and stressed about the whole idea. But not one, but two feminists - women I'd never met before in real life - rallied round to help me find places to stay and work out how to best get on. And both of them met up with me during my stay, and we had a ball. And it just made me feel an amazing sense of community, that women from halfway across the world could all meet up, with very different beliefs (really! One is a devout Orthodox Christian and the other an atheist academic), and still be so kind and supportive.

I just thought it was amazing, and it made me very proud to be a feminist. So ... over to you.

I have to thank the MN relationships board who really helped me through a difficult time and helped me see the wood for the trees.

And feminists obviously, some of whom are now in a local MN inspired group - @ E&M

Sounds good SGM. I have very few friends with toddlers and lots with babies, but I can get what you mean as I do like getting to play with other people's babies, enjoy them while they do delightful baby things and hand them back when they scream.

Belle - MN relationships regulars deserve (and could fill) a thanks thread of their own, I reckon.

Ohhhh, crikey, I have a whole list.

Upon arriving on a colleagues doorstep, 2am one morning, after the ex assaulted me, she put me up for the night without question. After I left the ex, she told people I'd moved 100 miles north of where I was (I was really 3 miles from the ex) just to ensure I was as safe as possible.

Each refuge I ended up in (I gradually moved 200 miles) was a woman only space, and as a result formed some good, supportive friendships in the last one.

I was on this board when I finally came to the realisation that what the ex had done to me (and possibly how DS was conceived) was rape. The support I had from various members of the FWR was amazing.

I also finally recovered some repressed memories September last year, which were pretty traumatic to deal with. Not sure I'd have got through it in one piece without the women here.

My best friend enabled me to study last year, by collecting DS from nursery on days where my lectures ran later than the nursery opening hours. I also went a short period without childcare, during which she had DS during lecture hours.

I've also been having harassment issues the past few weeks. The support I've had from various women has been brilliant! (Although, my mum didn't waste the opportunity to find a way to imply it was my fault...)

My MiL is lovely, and has been just wonderful since my own mum passed a couple years ago. She did some pretty cool things before getting married - hitching to Spain and working in bars and cafes in the late 1950's when she was only about 19. She's so supportive, loving, inspiring, encouraging and fun - someone I'd want to have as a friend even if we weren't related. She just had a major op today, so I've been pretty nervous about it, but she's come through okay so breathing a sigh of relief tonight.

Still loving this thread, remembering how important it is to remember, and treasure all those special women in our lives.

KRITQ glad it went well :)

I was at combat this morning and I suck at combat being completely dyspraxic. I tend to focus on not punching myself in the face or kicking some poor other person in the head. Today, a complete stranger came up and asked me if I was a boxer because she said I moved like one.

And, okay, that sounds slightly silly in response to some of the amazing stories on here but a random compliment from a complete stranger is such a lovely thing. :)

I am off to do so across the boards.

I was thinking about this thread, and can't believe that I missed some women out!

Miss S, who taught me English at school. She made me realised that I was going to fail my GCSE but was capable of passing with flying colours. I achieved A in Eng and B in Eng Lit.

Mlle W, my French teacher. She was so encouraging and every girl in her class achieved A at O level with her help.

Mrs I and Mrs M at Sixth form, who tried to get me to stay.

My lovely Aunt, who took me in when I was 15 and my parents acting like idiots.

My mum, who has made a lot of mistakes but has always cheered me on.

My sister, who gave me a spare house key so I could let myself in to her family home when XH was being scary. She also let me spend a lot of time with her children when they were growing up. She's hugely supportive and a fiercely loving mother.

My MIL, who is supportive, honest and intelligent. I love our debates about politics. She has just been diagnosed with breast cancer, and I'm trying to think about how I can support her. She's fantastic.

Ooh, I'd lost this off my ThreadsImOn, thanks sunny.

Sorry to hear about your MIL's diagnosis - it must be so scary. Best wishes for her full recovery.

emily - I totally agree about the power of a random compliment. I met a lady (70s, ish) the other day in Tesco who was queuing with me, and she'd been cooing over someone's screaming baby. She told me 'I always smile at the mum if they're crying because I remember what it's like!' I thought that was really nice.

I once met two young girls in a pub loo, one was crying because an older man had told her she needed a boob job.

I told her that she was beautiful as she was, and she shouldn't pay any attention to what a nasty old man said. I hope she took it on board, I could totally hear my younger thought processes in what she was saying. :(

I have a friend at work who is very different to me in some ways, but we have a lovely relationship where we check how the other is (and mean it) every single day, listen to any little work niggles or personal family/relationship stuff. It may sound silly but some days this keeps me sane, and my life would be far more stressful if not for her. Thank you

Oh and hi Belle! :)

sunny - bless you, that was a good thing to do!

elephants - it doesn't sound silly - I think it's why people get depressed when they're isolated, that lack of having someone to talk to about the trivial stuff, not just the big problems.

My friend and partner's BIL died unexpectedly when he was only 24, leaving behind a wife and children, one of whom was only six weeks old. We arrived at the hospital at about midnight on the Sunday night having heard that this was our last chance to say goodbye - he was already in a coma.

The nurses were utterly amazing. My partner's sister was a complete mess, of course, as anyone would be, and ended up quite ill (hyperventilating and so on). She and I went for a walk, she collapsed and we ended up in a relative's room in A&E. My friend was screaming and crying on the floor and the nurse couldn't make out what she was saying: "is she saying her husband is her baby?" I replied that no, she was saying that they had a six-week-old baby. I will never forget the nurses' face - it kind of tightened up and she just swung into action and from then on my friend was never alone. The nurses visited her before they went home, they sat with her on their breaks, they were fantastic and they have no idea how much difference they made. I will never forget them.

My partner and I took the baby for a week while the older kids went to another relative's (no houses big enough to take them all, and they didn't know about their dad at this point). My mum and sister were fantastic. My mum took me shopping and bought us a bottle steriliser, bottles, teats, nappies, everything we needed. They tried so hard to cheer us up. My mum even took the baby for a night to give us a rest. In fact, when I phoned my mum from the hospital to tell her what had happened she offered to come and sit outside the hospital in her car in case I needed her.

Sorry for your loss, freerange. The nurses sound great.

Various women in various pub and club loos (years ago) who' came up to me when I was upset to check I was alright. I think the ladies' loo can be a supportive women-only space!

The woman who told me my dress was rucked up by my rucksack at kings cross