Come and share stories about positive support you've had from other women :-)

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I wanted to start a thread about the sense of support and community I sometimes feel very strongly, both on MN and in RL. I thought maybe we could share some positive stories, and maybe get to thinking about what is so important about community and shared experience for women. I don't just mean women-only spaces, but all sorts of times when you've felt picked up and cared for by the support of other women.

The background to this post is a trip I got back from last week. I went abroad, and I've never been so far away or visited this country before, and not to put too fine a point on it, I was really nervous and stressed about the whole idea. But not one, but two feminists - women I'd never met before in real life - rallied round to help me find places to stay and work out how to best get on. And both of them met up with me during my stay, and we had a ball. And it just made me feel an amazing sense of community, that women from halfway across the world could all meet up, with very different beliefs (really! One is a devout Orthodox Christian and the other an atheist academic), and still be so kind and supportive.

I just thought it was amazing, and it made me very proud to be a feminist. So ... over to you.

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The Belgian MNetters are all lovely too. There are quite a few of us now. I know of many cases, where after giving lots of advice on MN to people moving here, friends have actually physically gone to help sort out estate agents and school places.

The local version of the NCT also offers LOTS of support to "expats" too. I guess in many cases it is still the DH with the "job" and the wife is the trailing spouse (though I personally know a few exceptions to this - hurrah!). I now know a great network of women who give advice and help each other out when they can. Much more so than I ever did in the UK, where I just had my personal friends to call on.

Thanks ... the word may be forever tarnished (no pun intended) for me given the Apprentice idiots this year are using it as a team name, but still ...

Am I right the NCT set up to help women in foreign countries? Or is that just a vague idea I picked up from teh description in Barbara Trapiedo?

(Sorry, I get my ideas from odd sources, not just MN)

It was quite traumatic to say the least, LRD. Although, much of it in retrospect. As I slid in and out of a coma in the ambulance I can remember wondering why the sirens were blazing. I only realised vaguely that I was on death's door when in casualty they couldn't get a line in me for a drip and I started to understand the urgent conversations being undertaken. And even then I thought they were talking about someone else....

Yep, I am fine and dandy and in control of my blood sugar. No more hospitals for me.

I met a fellow MNetter here, we seem to be the only ones at the mo. She's lovely and it's been really great to meet up and chat.

That's just making me shivery, catita.

It must have been a real relief to your DH and your family back home to know there was someone there for you, too.

I am in a psychiatric unit and my female friends have been beyond amazing.

One of them drove me here because my DH couldn't face it and it meant I could come with a friend and not a stranger from the crisis team.

They have texted me every single day and when they have a spare afternoon or evening have come and picked me up and taken me out shopping or for a coffee, no questions and no judgement. They have texted me asking if I needed anything and dropped it off even if they could not see me because I was with a doctor or not feeling well.

They have listened without flinching as I describe some horrible things and have not changed in the way they are to me. Nobody (as far as I know!) has had an unkind word to say about me being here. Just support beyond anything I expected.

Nah the NCT (National Childbirth Trust) was set up by a group of women after experiencing the horrendous experience of birth in UK in the 1950s. I have to say both my antenatal group and the branch in general have been a real life saver after having ds. It's pretty much exclusively women and they're all kind, friendly and capable types.

I have some great female friends I made at work years ago. Including one who put me and another colleague up when we were stranded by snow. I don't see them that often but when I do it's like I've never been away.

When I broke up with a useless cock lodger and wanted to move out of the flat I had no less than 5 friends offer me a room for as long as I wanted. 4 of them were women (the fifth ended up being future dh!) and none of them made me feel they were doing it out of obligation or just saying it. I was really touched and felt really blessed.

Loads of times women friends have helped me out, lent me money, let me rant on about my miseries, brought me tea and aspirins when hungover, given me things.... and I've done the same for them.

I gave birth with my mum and a close female friend there and it was brilliant. (Though we are on great terms now, DS' dad and I were not speaking through most of the pregnancy and I didn't want him at the birth).

MNers, particularly the feminists. Changed my world with their support.

Was reading Ina May Gaskin's guide to childbirth last night, and that felt really supportive. The whole ethos of it is sisterhood. Just a book I know, but still. There was a story that really stuck with me about a woman who was struggling, so another woman lay down with her, belly to belly, face to face, and went through the contractions with her. (you probably have up read it)

An NHS run parentcraft group introduced me to 4 women who I met every Friday for 3 years after the birth. We shared everything. They got me through some horrible times and gave me some fun happy memories.

Three female acquaintances picked me up and dusted me down after a traumatic abusive relationship. No intrusion, just quiet calm listening and hugs and love. I cannot thank them enough. It was like being mothered and I needed it

The one that springs to mind is the night I phoned the NCT helpline when DD1 was 3/4 weeks old, I was really struggling with bfeeding, DH was being singularly unhelpful (he was trying but doing totally the wrong thing) and the most wonderful lady from Colchester was there. I wept down the phone as this lovely lady completely understood, didn't judge, just tried to help. I know that was what she was meant to do, but these ladies are volunteers aren't they? And she was there for me at 10pm when I was a total disaster area, and needed someone to tell me I wasn't a failure and my baby would survive even if we did have to move to FF.

I've had great support from my friends over the years (which I like to think I give back!) but that one always sticks in my mind as she was a total stranger, i don't even remember her name, but she saved my sanity that night.

I was mid-break up and in a bit of a muddle over it all. It was also coming up to my birthday and I was planning a night out. Was packing up some stuff ready to move out of our flat when the phone rang. It was a friend I hadn't spoken to for a while, randomly ringing up for a chat. I surprised myself by bursting into tears at the sound of her cheery 'hello'. She asked me what was wrong and I gave her twenty minutes of snotty, confused ramble about what a mess everything was.

The next morning she arrived at my door with an overnight bag. She had rearranged her life at short notice and come down from Leeds to London for the night, so that she could come out for my birthday and also give me a hug for real. We had a brilliant laugh and it meant so much that she just dropped everything and made time to see me, even though I wasn't exactly having a huge life-defining crisis or anything but was just a bit all over the place :)

I used to post on a fertility board and the women there were incredibly supportive and understanding.

There are amazing women on MN, some of whom have given me advice and support in a particular area.

My oldest friend is a constant source of inspiration and encouragement. She always tells me how lovely I am, and what I can achieve. I try and do the same for her, she's no idea how fab she is!

I think when MNers put together a blanket it's a wonderful way to show someone that they are loved, and part of a community. Despite it's squabbles, MN is a community and I love it.

before having DS I went to an NCT group and one woman there showed me in detail how to latch on. Despite the face the advice and help I got from the NHS was good, I still think that was the single most important factor in my easy breastfeeding ride. I don't know her name!

and advice from MN as well - seems I take that for granted

Ive had incredible support over the years from the TTC boards, and now, there is a small group of mners who are just wonderful. last night, I was VERY upset, and they were just lovely and supportive.

I've always thought of myself as a mans woman, Ive never had many true female friends. Now I see what Ive been missing out on.

My MIL, when I had ds I was so, so ill. I went to stay with my PILs for a month so I could 24/7 care and help. she helped me in and out of the bath. looked after ds so I could have a lie in. held my hand when stitches were removed. she was and is wonderful!

Chiming in to support what Oracle and others have said - MNers are a truly awesome bunch of women, especially my regional contigent :)

I don't have a huge number of friends, as I have struggled with anxiety/social phobia issues for most of my adult life, and am useless at most forms of communication. The internet, though (in particular MN and FB) is perfect for me as I can 'get to know' other women in a way that I just can't do in RL. Then, by the time a meetup comes round, I feel able to go and join in, and be myself, and know that I won't be judged or whatever.

Friday just gone was one such occasion - I met a lovely MNer on the train with her charming DS, and we went off to meet at least 10 others at a museum. It was honestly like meeting up with a bunch of friends from a toddler group or similar, I knew these people through the posts we make on here and on FB, they really did feel like 'proper friends' rather than hairy-handed Internet truckers

It meant so, so much to me to be able to leave my 17mo DS2 asleep in his buggy with them, while I took DS1 to the toilet, and know that they'd look out for him despite only having met me once/twice/in some cases, never before. Their children were so lovely with mine, too - DS1 is a shy little chap but he had such a great time, and is asking when we are doing it again!

I've witnessed some amazing support on MN for various causes.

My NCT group have been really supportive and helpful to each other, we all parent differently, have different backgrounds, incomes, ages, but everyone has been unendingly supportive.

I used to post on my birth month group here, and one day I was having a crap time with XP and read on the thread that by complete coincidence they happened to be meeting up the next day at an attraction local to me. A MNer met me at the entrance (despite me being late ) and gave me a voucher for 2-for-1 entry. Because I was alone, I accosted a random woman in the queue and split the voucher with her. She was so grateful that I'd saved her money, she insisted on accepting only the £4 I had in change towards my share of the ticket (which was around £10) and disappeared into the crowd. I had a lovely day with the ladies from the group and one of them was so lovely to me when I ended up in tears about XP :(

Also, a local sure start toddler group where most of the parents are "rough and ready" but very kind and inclusive. The La Leche League group where I have met what I feel are lifelong friends and regularly spend time with, the female seminar leaders at uni who are always supportive and happy to take time after seminars to chat. The school gate mums are lovely too.

fluffy - that is good to hear. People should be supportive, obviously, but it sounds as if your friends went above and beyond the call of duty. Hope you feel better soon, btw.

katie - ah, thanks for setting me straight about the NCT. I too have female friends (one in particular) who were brilliant after I broke up with a horrible bloke - she just would not let him distance me from her (and he tried, by doing things like pretending I couldn't see her when I could and 'forgetting' to pass messages on). It really made a difference.

SGB - that is lovely. Obviously it's great men aren't banned from delivery rooms like back in the day, but still I can imagine there would be something special about having women (especially women who'd given birth) with you in labour.

SGM - Good stories. Btw I'm so glad I got to meet you. Thanks MN!

Alice - I will read it!

toothbrush - I know exactly what you mean. It's the best thing.

poledra - oh, bless her, that's wonderful.

bender - yeah, I think there's a pattern emerging about women and sorting us out after relationships go down.

sunny - I like the sound of your oldest friend. It matters such a lot having someone who's really got your back.

stealth - MN, go without saying?! No, but part of the reason I started this was the way it soemtimes does.

oracle - I think you are wonderful. I think speaking up when you're upset and sharing the experience is a pretty amazing bit of female supportiveness and without it we'd all still be on our own wondering miserably if why these things didn't happen to 'normal' women. I am always in awe when someone speaks up, it is amazing and such a great way to hold two fingers up to the people who've hurt women.

misery - aww, how lovely! Now, how do I get myself along to a meet-up ...

bertie - that is so good to hear. One of the things I love about MN is feeling that - instead of what I would have expected - there is a lot of non-judgy fellow feeling among parents out there.

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Thanks everyone for replying and sharing stories.