Be warned - children at weddings

[DeftandGlory]

I was going to put this in chat but didn’t want to upset anyone if they are on here.
Basically I went to the weekend of a couple in their late 20’s.Very intellectual, middle class families ; firsts from Cambridge, musical, PHD’s abounded amongst the guests. Friends of the same age, a couple of which had young children: a couple of babes in arms and a couple under 3 .
The under threes talked and screamed through the ceremony including. through the vows. It was a smallish venue so really disruptive and worse there was a back door they could have escaped quietly through.
They were with partners so it’s not as if anyone was a struggling to mange as a single parent.
It was unbelievable that anyone would think it was ok to stay with their kids making such a racket. Lots of people looking at them pointedly.
I’m not sure why they felt it was ok to have kids to scream throughout the ceremony given the IQ level but they did.

So if you are inviting children great but make sure guests are “ given permission” (firmly) to remove children if needed.

Be warned? Was it your wedding? What an odd thread.

We didn't have kids at our wedding and were thick as shit

Why does the fact they have a degree from Cambridge matter here?

Children at weddings often = noise

So if you are inviting children great but make sure guests are “ given permission” (firmly) to remove children if needed

Maybe they’d been “given permission” (firmly) to let the kids stay so no one missed the ceremony?

Unless it’s your wedding it’s none of your business.

IQ level? What are you on about? What has any of that got to do with manners?

As an aside I'm not even sure noisy kids at a wedding falls into the category of manners, if the couple were happy to have kids there then presumably they expected a bit of a racket and wanted their day to be an inclusive, family affair.

But anyway, back to my first point.. You what?

Not sure about what you mean about IQ level doesnt stop a person being an entitled twat.

Thus thead has to be a pisstake man.

Very intellectual, middle class families ; firsts from Cambridge, musical, PHD’s abounded amongst the guests.

What’s that got to do with anything?

I don’t understand who this post is meant to be warning? Be warned - baby may cry!

Yes, I do think it’s polite to take a crying baby out, but this is an odd post.

Loving the snobbery here

OP, do you know there are working class people (shudder) who teach manners, and people who left school at 16 (the shame!) with social awareness? It’s surprising, but true.

I’m not sure why they felt it was ok to have kids to scream throughout the ceremony given the IQ level but they did. because mummy and daddy probably buy into some trendy form of positive parenting where the word "no" is forbidden, and because their precious pumpkins are such a delight they couldn't possibly tell them to hush for a short while.

I had 10 toddlers under 3 at my wedding, I expected bedlam during the ceremony but actually it was totally fine - maybe it was the nerves but I didn't hear a thing. My own toddler however should have been in bed by 8 as it was all far too much for her later on but the rest of them were absolutely great! We didn't do speeches and it was a very short civil ceremony so that might have been an added help.

I went to a wedding once like this. About 5 or 6 young children making a racket through the service and we couldn’t hear the vows properly. The bride and groom didn’t mind at all - they adore children and wanted them there. It might not be your idea of a or red eve wedding, but surely only the opinion of the bride and groom really matters?

I guess the PHD/intellectual ability is irrelevant, I have seen children misbehaving (and parents who think they are so lovely while at it) from any socioeconomical background.

But yes, that’s why kids are often not invited, because their parents can’t be trusted to deal with inappropriate behaviour no matter how important the moment is.

‘A perfect wedding’

We only had 3 guests with pHDs though so actually that might have made all the difference.

They were not members of the royal family with eleventy billion viewers tuned in. They most likely didn't give a hoot about children being noisy, and were focused on vowing to each other

We invited kids because for us getting married was about consciously/formally putting our relationship in the context of our community, which includes the next generation. Others have different (also totally valid) reasons for getting married and so might make different choices. It’s all good - there’s room for everyone and it’s up to the couple.

I think the issue is more with the parents, not the kids. I went to a wedding recently where one of the groom’s family members with a small child purposely sat at the back of the church so she could slip out if the child started crying. I would have thought most parents would do this at a wedding? So the fact that the parents at the wedding you attended let their kids scream throughout the whole ceremony is the fault of the parents.

Step son got married recently, only 30 guests and 5 were under 4. At the critical ‘any just cause or impediment’ part my youngest grandson let out a yell. Step son turned round and said ‘do you object, Charlie?!’ Everyone laughed and it was a lovely family moment.
If you don’t want children at your wedding then fine, but please accept that other people have different opinions.

What now?

When DH and I were exchanging vows all of the children in the church could have screamed the lyrics to Killing In The Name Of and I wouldn’t have had a bloody clue, at that moment it was just me and him in the world.

For me, kids make weddings. All the ones at ours spent their time running around the field and laughing and falling over and getting hyper off sugar. It wasn’t at all restrained or refined and I didn’t want it to be.

Lots of people like child free weddings and that’s fine too, but don’t assume that the couple (whose day it was, FYI) minded at all.

Very intellectual, middle class families ; firsts from Cambridge, musical, PHD’s abounded amongst the guests

Plenty of rich and "educated" people have no class or manners, so educational or wealth level is really irrelevant.

I went to a wedding in a registry office followed by a church hall once. Handful of GCSEs and A Levels between us, but the children behaved or were taken out, whats your point?

I guess the problem was not ensuring the children also had PHDs before inviting them. No wonder they behaved like heathens.

I'll let my one year old know this when I get married next year, although I'm a northerner who dropped out of college so I don't know if the no babies thing applies to my wedding!

@SylvanasWindrunner

I guess the problem was not ensuring the children also had PHDs before inviting them. No wonder they behaved like heathens.

Not just any PHD, but an Oxbridge PHD at that

We had kids at our wedding, they were as quiet as mice, and we're all thick as mince.