Be warned - children at weddings

[DeftandGlory]

I was going to put this in chat but didn’t want to upset anyone if they are on here.
Basically I went to the weekend of a couple in their late 20’s.Very intellectual, middle class families ; firsts from Cambridge, musical, PHD’s abounded amongst the guests. Friends of the same age, a couple of which had young children: a couple of babes in arms and a couple under 3 .
The under threes talked and screamed through the ceremony including. through the vows. It was a smallish venue so really disruptive and worse there was a back door they could have escaped quietly through.
They were with partners so it’s not as if anyone was a struggling to mange as a single parent.
It was unbelievable that anyone would think it was ok to stay with their kids making such a racket. Lots of people looking at them pointedly.
I’m not sure why they felt it was ok to have kids to scream throughout the ceremony given the IQ level but they did.

So if you are inviting children great but make sure guests are “ given permission” (firmly) to remove children if needed.

I have a first in maths and took DS to a wedding where he yelled “I’ve done a poo” during the pause when they ask if anyone has an objection to the marriage. Registrar said “that’s not a valid reason” and everyone pissed themselves 😂

The toddler making a noise and disturbing my wedding was my own. I wish we had thought to allocate someone to take her out but We didn't and no one took the initiative.

This happened at my wedding. We'd made it clear that children under the age of 15 were not invited. H's cousin and his wife decided that didn't apply to them and bought their baby to the ceremony...they arrived late, and interrupted the service. The baby then screamed throughout the vows, to the point where the celebrant actually stopped halfway through...a long silence followed, until the glares from just about everyone present made them realise they needed to take the baby out...

My late MIL was so angry with them she never spoke to them again (she died a decade later).

@noirchatsdeux

This happened at my wedding. We'd made it clear that children under the age of 15 were not invited. H's cousin and his wife decided that didn't apply to them and bought their baby to the ceremony...they arrived late, and interrupted the service. The baby then screamed throughout the vows, to the point where the celebrant actually stopped halfway through...a long silence followed, until the glares from just about everyone present made them realise they needed to take the baby out...

My late MIL was so angry with them she never spoke to them again (she died a decade later).

Wow, 10 years of anger over that. Mental

We had dc at our wedding, no noise at all from them.
Our dc when we took them to a couple of weddings were bribed with sweets and fine.

Wow, 10 years of anger over that. Mental

It is not your wedding they ruined or the one you spent months painfully organising. My MIL went no contact with the whole of her husband family (forever) after a row over a wedding gift.

Op. When my daughter got married my great nephew (aged 3) saw her come downstairs and told his mum she was the princess, at the wedding his mum tried to grab him but he told he he wanted to be with the princess so he ran to my daughter and her stb husband and stood with them while they made their vows. At the reception with chocolate all over his face he told me that he'd had cake and when he went back to nursery the next day the next day he told his teacher he had been to the princesses wedding. He was not quiet and he was great value.
Oh and my niece works with SEN children so definately not thick.

Not sure MN really needs your "advice" on who to invite to their wedding. It's personal choice. All you are really doing is telling us about a particular experience you had. I couldn't care less.

Don't educated people's children make noise then?

Wow, 10 years of anger over that. Mental

Not really, if that was something hugely important to the MIL. Maybe she had invested a lot in the occasion (time, emotion, money) and was really upset to have it thoughtlessly spoilt. I have kids. When they were that age, there are times you just have to take them out then you don’t spoil an important experience for others. I felt the same at school plays, too - it’s not just about weddings. All those little kids practising their lines and proud to be a donkey or whatever - and someone sits there with a toddler howling over them so they can’t be heard. It’s massively inconsiderate.

Thanks for the heads up op. Thank goodness you've supplied this information. Reminds me - i need to start a thread warning everyone there's a bug going around at the moment.

We had a bunch of kids at our wedding, including a 4 month old baby and several toddlers. They were all absolutely no bother except for our own DD, who decided to fly like an aeroplane during our vows and then got cross with the vicar for not marrying her as well. She’s the only one we couldn’t really have excluded!

I'll be sure to tell about 7 under 5's to be quiet at my wedding in 2 weeks! I'm sure they will understand.

@RaginaPhalange

I'll be sure to tell about 7 under 5's to be quiet at my wedding in 2 weeks! I'm sure they will understand.

Obviously, they don’t! But that’s why it’s incumbent on their parents to sit on an aisle seat/at the back, so that one of them can take the child out if he makes a noise. (I’m not talking an odd comment at audible volume, either. I’m talking about kids wailing or constantly talking over a ceremony.) It’s just basic good manners.

@AbsolCatly

I really don't understand the loathing of children at weddings

For us (and everyone I know) kids are a big part of the day

One of my fondest memories at mine is playing with the smaller children and gaining an extra bridesmaid as she just wanted to be part of it all

Children make noise, they bring life and joy, I am lucky that my family and friends feel the same way

this!

I went to a wedding where children were more than welcome and the vicar made a point of saying children (and their noise) were welcome. It was a lovely day without the stuffed shirt formality you usually see at weddings.

Isn't a wedding a prelude to having children? So they should be a big part of it? [not all weddings obviously]

Thanks op! I’ll spread the news. Don’t invite intelligent friends or family to weddings. Maybe check qualifications before sending out invitations.

Out of interest, are you educated at all?

I would seriously question your claim about them being educated if they can't grasp the basic concept of what doors are for and needing "permission" to use them.

One of the best moments of my wedding was around the vows when one of the children was playing with their (church supplied) "busy bag" which included a book about a lion. The child the proceeded to roar like a lion for a few minutes and had everyone giggling.
Her poor parents were mortified, DH and I were in stitches!

If the videographer was a decent one, the groom would've been wearing a mic to hear the vows clearly.

Don't concern yourself with something that isn't your business

I agree with OP, I love kids at a wedding reception and think they're lovely and really make the day but my fear would be them interrupting the ceremony which would really annoy me. I would prefer a baby crying to an aware toddler/young child making noise as somehow a baby is more forgivable - and also parents with crying babies usually are quick to nip out.

I wonder if it's possible for a wedding to provide a childminder/fairy or someone to distract the kids during the ceremony? I loved weddings as a child but found the ceremonies atrociously long and boring.

@WimpoleHat

Wow, 10 years of anger over that. Mental

Not really, if that was something hugely important to the MIL. Maybe she had invested a lot in the occasion (time, emotion, money) and was really upset to have it thoughtlessly spoilt. I have kids. When they were that age, there are times you just have to take them out then you don’t spoil an important experience for others. I felt the same at school plays, too - it’s not just about weddings. All those little kids practising their lines and proud to be a donkey or whatever - and someone sits there with a toddler howling over them so they can’t be heard. It’s massively inconsiderate.

What you are describing is what's mental. A wedding is "spoiled" when the groom doesn't show up, or the family all burns down with the church during the ceremony.

Putting so much weight on hearing the vows that you wouldn't talk to part of your family for 10 years is insane.

Putting so much weight on hearing the vows that you wouldn't talk to part of your family for 10 years is insane.

I don’t know. A friend of mine is pretty religious and she married a vicar. I think his boss married them in the church the groom used to work in (I’m not religious, so some of the details are a little sketchy, but you get the drift - it was a big deal for them.) the bride’s sister had two kids and, so they wouldn’t disrupt the ceremony and so the bride’s sister could relax and enjoy it, the bride’s (much loved) BIL stayed outside with her (much loved) niece and nephew, playing some games with them. So yes, everyone was fucking furious when the groom’s cousin let her baby scream at top volume throughout the ceremony. (It really was ear splitting. I remember it well 20 years later!) That’s the sort of thing that can cause enormous fall out in families. Just as money does and inheritance (as you see on threads here all the time). It may seem silly as an outsider, but to have something really significant to you spoilt by someone else’s careless inaction must really rankle.